Gather ye rosebuds, grapes!
Remember when we were talking about the boysenberry on the Adam Carolla Show and we discussed it being a cross between the raspberry, the loganberry and the blackberry and then I asked the tough question: “How do they even get the berries to have sex?” Clearly I’m some kind of genius.
Some would say I’m not in this photo
Some compelling behind-the-scenes scuttlebutt about what happens before the show? Larry Miller and I discussed sectional couches. Apparently he’s not really a sectional couch man. The conversation threatened to send me into couch hell but I held fast and gave him no indication of the couch neurosis I harbor within. And then on air I aired a couple of my grievances with one Adam Carolla. These are:
1) he decreed that I would never like a car guy
2) he didn’t bring me to the Dr. Drew interview
And then later Seth Macfarlane joined the show and I think I might love him in the same way I love Dr. Drew. I’m so slutty with my love.
Also, I’m looking for a news tagline along the lines of, “I’m Alison Rosen, and that’s your news,” or something. As you’ll hear, I brought this up on the show and Adam suggested one so I used it. But if you guys tweet me suggestions I’ll use a different one every night until we find one that sticks.
Also, also? A clip from the show will be on AOL every night! How exciting is that? It’s exciting. In the first one I don’t say much but wow, my nose is sure featured. And if you enjoy seeing the show this way, streaming video is going to be made available starting Jan 31 (for a subscription fee). What my family doesn’t know is I’m going to force them to watch every show and offer a running critique in real time. (Of Adam and Bryan. I’m perfect.)
In other news, and I should probably break this little section out because it’s kind of off topic, occasionally you have a thought so cliche you can barely stand thinking it. So lately things with the family health situation which some of you know about and some of you don’t have been a little extra stressful/poignant and I’m unfortunately kind of like a stress sponge when really I should be a stress sand dollar or stress mollusk or something a little less permeable and anyway I actually found myself thinking the other day that I wish the podcast never ended. I wish it was a 24 hour podcast because when I’m in that world it’s a fairly defined role and the rewards are great and I enjoy it versus real life which is all messy and confusing. The end.
Have I mentioned I now end uncomfortable thoughts with The End?
The End.
Also I never add the accent to the word cliche. How cliche.
The End.
When is the appropriate time to purchase pygmy marmosets? I’ve been waiting for over thirty years.
Alright so I just Adam Carolla’d up my web site. Too much? I don’t want to be that asshole who’s running around saying, “LOOK AT ME, I’M ON THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW!” however I received an email saying, “You should update your website,” and it was followed by a smiley. It looked like this: “You should update your website :)” and I’d be remiss if I just ignored it, smileyface and all.
In other news I think I just swallowed a bug. It was in my coffee. It may have just been some other type of non-insect clump. I really hope so.
with Anderson and Bald Bryan on The Film Vault
Also, I was on The Film vault and we talked chick flicks.
Also, did you hear the episodes of the ACS podcast I was on with Joel Stein and Patton Oswalt?
Also, just wanted to say also one more time.
But also last night I went to a party for the ACE network and I came home feeling so happy and lucky to be a part of this thing.
I brought Dustin, my friend who’s just a friend but whom no one thinks is just a friend. “Are you a car guy?” asked Adam. Dustin choked out some kind of star struck answer (sorry Dustin) involving the words “no” and “Sentra.” Then Adam said in a matter-of-fact tone, “Yeah, Alison wouldn’t like a car guy.” I don’t know what this means but I resent it highly and now I’m going to have to date ALL the car guys.
So I think I’m a little overdue in posting some of the recent episodes of The Adam Carolla Show that I’ve been on. I posted them on twitter and facebook but not here. Also right now I’m sitting in a room and the sun is coming through the window and blinding me. Stupid sunshine. I can see why no one wants to live in California.
Okay seriously, I need some kind of eye protection. Why hasn’t anyone invented that? If this entertainment thing doesn’t work out I’m going to invent something to wear on your eyes to shield them from the sun. I’ll call them… Sun Goggles and I’ll probably become some kind of millionaire.
On the most recent episode we chatted about the Golden Globes and then I could barely get out a story about a cat called to jury duty without laughing which has pretty much never happened to me on air or on TV. Maybe I’ve felt it nearly happen once on Red Eye (but not while I was talking) and possibly on my own Ustream show but not like last night where I really wondered if I was going to be able to finish the story. And then later Lemmy dropped by and we broke up. And also I worried that I talked too much on the show which is an ongoing concern I have… trying to find the right balance. I once had a dream years ago that everyone was telling me I was too loud. Sometimes I feel like I need to turn my personality down. But then sometimes I feel like I need to turn it up. I sound like a shampoo commercial.
And then on Friday’s show Eugene Mirman dropped by and we all played Hobo Power and I nearly puked. Also Adam questioned me about my dating life and what I’m looking for in a guy and as I later explained on Sunday’s Ustream show I was surprised at how inarticulate I sounded when answering the questions which I think was a result of not having really thought about these things in awhile, for better or worse. What I didn’t explain, but what you all who reguarly read my blog and follow me know is that I moved back to CA under family crisis type circumstances and so dating has been low on my list. Then again, that doesn’t really explain why dating was low on my list while I was living in New York also. Maybe I’m dead inside?
We also talked about honeybuns, abortion, how wrestler Jacob Volkman regrets his comments about wanting to take on Obama, Shirley Phelps-Roper being a media whore, [side note: if you want to see something awesome, check out this clip of Julie Banderas confronting Phelps-Roper], and… uh oh… now I’m forgetting which day we did which story. Well I’m leaving out quite a few stories but we also discussed OK Cupid, Jared Laughner (a lot of Laughner talk), laws prohibiting protesting funerals, the surge in gun sales in the wake of the Arizona spree, crazy stuff Laughner posted in online gaming forums, Conan, Leno and Letterman and more.
And then on Thursday’s show Harry Hamlin dropped by and now I’ll never think of the term friendly fire in the same way. We also talked about an uptick in dine and dashing and Camille Grammer on Stern suggesting Kelsey likes to cross dress and more.
And on Wednesday Larry Miller came on the show and we talked about cults and paprika and Snoopy’s brother. We also played hypothetical road trip which I’m extremely good at. Beginner’s luck? Hardly.
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Today’s ARIYNBF is starting at 3:30pm PST instead of 4:30pm PST because I like to catch you off guard. For new people, first of all: Hi!!!! Second of all: Hey!!!! Third of all: Nice pants!!!!! Fourth of all: go to http://ustream.tv/alisonrosen at 3:30pm PST today and you can watch the show live and also chat in the chat room which you will need to get a username to do. I think it’s pretty self-explanatory once you’re there.
Should you find yourself falling in love with my show and wanting to always know when it’s happening, follow twitter.com/ARIYNBF and also facebook.com/ARIYNBF. You can buy a tshirt on the facebook page from the “shop now” tab at the top. Also join my crowd on Ustream because it’s just good thinking!
Also, there are some chat room rules which essentially boil down to don’t use all caps and don’t be a dick and watch your language.
If you want to read more about the music on the show, Tom Rapp, who writes and performs it has started blogging about it. There are lots of videos and things over there too. And subscribe to my youtube channel!
Want to see some photos from the show?
I’ve inundated you, haven’t I? I knew it.
Also if you want to leave a message that I may play on the show call this number and include your name and a question if you have one! (480) 442-5476
One of the things Tobey likes to do is squeeze his little body in between the space between the treadmill and the wall and then lick the treadmill. (I tried it once, didn’t see what was so great about it.) He was doing this just now and I looked over and our eyes met and I’m pretty sure he looked back at me with a look that said, “I’m sorry, but I have to do this.” Other things he has to do? Eat Kleenex, come running when he smells turkey (even if he’s asleep), bark if he hears dogs and occasionally try to seduce computer chairs.
In other news, yesterday I went on an audition held at the building where Chelsea Lately is taped and it was the single most fashionable place I’d ever been. Every single person looked like they had a stylist. Some were in jeans but the jeans were in saucy color and looked brand new. My jeans are just in regular colors and look medium old to acid washed. Ok I don’t really own acid washed jeans anymore but you get what I’m saying. I did once own an entire denim outift that was white with black polka dots. I looked like a Holstein.
Now you might be thinking, “You? Looking like a cow? STFU,” unless you know me well or have known me over the years enough to know that I used to be fairly bovine. Sometimes I like to hide this fact because I’m worried if people know I used to be fat they will then look at me now and think, “Oh yeah, I see it!” however I’m also still mentally scarred enough from all the years of being the fat kid to think it might do me some good to just say it instead of trying to hide it.
Also something which started in New York which always amused me is people thinking I must have it so easy because of how I look. To me this is sort of like if someone got mad at me for being a small Asian woman. I would hear the words but wouldn’t take them in because the person being described just isn’t me. I also occasionally get, “Oh, like you’ve ever had trouble getting a boyfriend?” as if I was the prom queen. Some day I will dig deep into my past and barf photos and stories all over you. Look forward to that day!
In other, other news, I just wrote back to a message I received on Facebook and now I’m receiving all sorts of replies which is making me realize the message I responded to was a group message. I didn’t realize this. That story had no point.
Also yesterday after the stylish audition where I forgot that wearing dresses to an audition gives the mic guy nowhere to hook the mic battery pack so you’ll end up essentially getting naked in front of a room full of people while they search for a place on your undergarments to clip the thing, I went to Teresa Strasser’s book reading. I met a lot of very nice ACS fans who said a lot of very nice things and now I have a big head and am a total dick.
Perhaps you are wondering what Adam said to me on my first day on the job? So I’d auditioned the first week of January and found out I got the job over the weekend and was to start that Monday. Monday rolls around and I’m sitting in the studio and Adam walks in and I wave and he sees me and then says, loudly, “That’s Alison?” I’ve been giggling about this ever since. [Do I need to explain that he was making a joke? Pretending they’d hired the wrong person? I think it’s clear however maybe the italics don’t really get across the exact tone of voice.]
Did I have anything else to tell you? Ummm… Ummmmmmm….. I’m going to be on The Film Vault this week… um… and I haven’t been able to individually respond to everyone who’s said really nice things to me but I just want to thank you all.
Teresa Strasser, Adam Carolla, me
So much to tell. First of all, yes, I am the new news girl on the Adam Carolla Show. I got the word over the weekend but it was a secret which is why I didn’t do my own show on Sunday. I debated and while I knew I would be able to pretend not yet to know I just didn’t delight in the idea of having to lie to my viewers who would be asking if I knew yet, and so I did the next best thing: went sweater shopping.
How’d it go? Fuckloads of static cling is how it went. And then I had that moment of pulling off a sweater and hearing the crackle and looking in the mirror and seeing my hair look like this
and knowing I was in for a painful shock the next time I touched anything metal.
But back to more pressing matters. I’d like to just take this moment to clarify two things no one has really landed upon yet. They both involve today’s podcast.
The moment where we’re talking about my old band and Adam asks the name and I say The Angoras and he says “There’s a sheep and a rabbit?”and then I say, as if I’m some kind of moron, “On my amp?” What I was referring to was our singer’s practice of draping our amps and hardware with plastic animal figurines or stuffed animals when we played live. During the podcast recording we were staring at a photo of me playing live in the band which the producers dug up and there was a pony on my amp, hence my confusion.
And another note about that photo. It was taken in 98 or 99 and I was carrying around a good 30 more pounds, apparently in my legs. Not that it’s important that I issue this disclaimer but I’d just like to start our relationship (the one where I overexplain stuff) on the right shallow foot.
And also, I’m not loving the way my dress looks in the photo of me, Teresa and Adam. Ok done!
Wait, one more thing: You should read Teresa and Adam’s books. I read both and loved them.
Oh wait, another thing I want to make clear. During the audition process I referred to myself as a “polyglot” when discussing my practice of counting to twenty in French and Spanish while I’m at the gym on the treadmill. I was joking! I was not actually bragging about my ability to count to twenty in foreign languages as much as making fun of the idea that that would be something to tout. Did that make sense? I didn’t think so.
Ok, see you guys every day!
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