Dana Gould and I sat down for a very rare, honest and unflinching conversation about his recent breakup and divorce along with his experience adopting three children. We also talked about the genesis of his podcast, his thoughts about gun control and the NRA, Al Anon and the two memories that bookend his marriage. I say “rare, honest and unflinching” because I am under the impression Dana doesn’t normally pull the curtain back this far. If he does, I DON’T WANT TO KNOW. I’m pretty convinced this is an exclusive and also a hot scoop. You know, the kind of thing that would have made me yell “podcast boner!” if I weren’t so calm and collected. Anyway, I love Dana and think he’s one of the best comics around and loved this chance to get to know him a little better, cold hunk of peanut butter and all. We also took your questions over Twitter and did a round of Just Me Or Everyone.
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Dana is incorrect when he says if a parent doesn't instantly bond with the child they are adopting upon meeting them (as is often the case in foreign adoption and domestic infant adoption) the parent has problems. Plenty of people experience NON-instant bonding with their biological children as well as adopted children. Humans are complex and different stuff happens at different times for different people. There should absolutely be space given for this in one's contemplation of adoption.
Just like one can cry on one's wedding day due to frustration with family and/or shitty event planners, even though they are blissfully happy to be married to their spouse, one can NOT-insta-bond with their child (bio or adopted) and still be fine. Bonding is a process and it will happen FOR THE PARENT(S) at some point and it is perfectly acceptable if it takes a bit to sink in and get comfy. Really!
Attachment for kiddos is different. Thankfully, there is A LOT of literature out there about this topic that folks contemplating adoption can and should access.
Dana is right that adoption from China for foreigners is different now than it used to be. The same holds true for several other countries such as Guatemala and Russia. This is another topic that folks contemplating adoption should look into to help them understand “the industry”. Check the copyright dates on books 🙂