Alison is joined by special guest Vince Mancini of Film Drunk plus Jenna Kim Jones, Jeff Fox, Daniel Quantz, Dustin Goot and Allan Moss for a discussion of Daniel throwing dental shade at Dustin, Jenna’s dental convention, Alison’s egg retrieval, stuff that isn’t medical in nature, the idyllic wedding Jeff attended, the biscuit bar at said wedding, the Avengers premiere, getting to know Vince Mancini, Periscope and more. We also did a round of Just Me Or Everyone (click here to see the JMOEs from this episode).
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Can you feel your dog's ribs? IF not, it is overweight. You don't want them so thin that you can see the ribs, but you should be able to easily feel them.
Fentanyl is morphine x100. It's so powerful that they give it in micrograms.
Hydromorphone (dilaudid) is ten times as powerful as morphine, and diamorphine (heroin), which is still used in some medical settings, is five times as powerful.
This concludes your daily happy-drug fact.
Alison, once again I make a pitch for talking to an adoption agency while you're going through the IVF wait. What does it hurt? I would very much be interested to hear your thoughts on adoption. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you're not weird, like me and SOOO many others, you're just older than the normal woman's fertile years. We made other choices in life than some others who prioritized childbirth. That's OK, it takes all kind to make the world work. You have achieved so much – why do you have to achieve pregnancy? I at least urge you to consider adoption before going to a donor egg, unless it is pregnancy itself that you are are dying to experience. I hear you saying you want a kid, a family. We just celebrated our son's 2nd b-day with his tummy mummy (see attached) yesterday and others from my fam and hers. This is an experience like no other. Please email me if you want to talk about this by phone and I'll send you my digits.
Can you feel your dog’s ribs? IF not, it is overweight. You don’t want them so thin that you can see the ribs, but you should be able to easily feel them.
Fentanyl is morphine x100. It’s so powerful that they give it in micrograms.
Hydromorphone (dilaudid) is ten times as powerful as morphine, and diamorphine (heroin), which is still used in some medical settings, is five times as powerful.
This concludes your daily happy-drug fact.
Alison, once again I make a pitch for talking to an adoption agency while you’re going through the IVF wait. What does it hurt? I would very much be interested to hear your thoughts on adoption. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you’re not weird, like me and SOOO many others, you’re just older than the normal woman’s fertile years. We made other choices in life than some others who prioritized childbirth. That’s OK, it takes all kind to make the world work. You have achieved so much – why do you have to achieve pregnancy? I at least urge you to consider adoption before going to a donor egg, unless it is pregnancy itself that you are are dying to experience. I hear you saying you want a kid, a family. We just celebrated our son’s 2nd b-day with his tummy mummy (see attached) yesterday and others from my fam and hers. This is an experience like no other. Please email me if you want to talk about this by phone and I’ll send you my digits.
When my wife is off birth control, if I look at her angry she will get pregnant, so there is that. But if we had had any trouble, after having my own kids and knowing what I know now, if I could order kids based on how much they sleep, that would be THE #1 FACTOR.
I think I have said it before. It is possible to get a kid who sleeps less than you. Think about that!!! Don't forget that either way, you are about to be invaded.
“Listen, and understand. That <toddler> is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.”
I about had a heart attack when I heard you guys talking about how you froze your cake to eat a year later on your anniversary. As a former pastry chef, this saddens me! A GOOD bakery is supposed to offer a free anniversary cake on your 1 year anniversary so you can have a fresh one instead of year old, nasty, freezer burn cake. haha The tradition of freezing cake is mostly gone as it is just so gross. If i was still working in a bakery, I would send you guys a new one!
New BF, I know that you aren't intending to guilt or pressure, but adoption is a delicate subject that people seem to get judgy about. I hope you don't think that I'm referring to you in any way, but I feel that I have to say this as somebody who was adopted and has every intention to adopt. I strongly feel that people shouldn't be made to feel pressure to adopt if it doesn't seem like something for them. It's very normal for people to have a desire to have a baby that has part of their biological DNA in them. It's not a desire that my husband or I have, but it's super common, which makes me know that we're in the minority. I can't speak for Alison and Daniel, but I imagine that if they're like so many other people, they have a strong desire to have a baby that has part of at least one of them in him/her, which is why somebody would choose donor egg over adoption. I wouldn't want Alison or Daniel to feel weird, guilty or pressured if they decided that adoption wasn't something that appealed to them and I wouldn't want others to feel disappointed in them for not going the adoption route. It's not for everyone and that doesn't make those who choose not to adopt bad people as a result. Of course, this is not to say that I wouldn't be ecstatic to hear about Alison's and Daniel's adoption journey in future ARIYNBF episodes though!:)
For quite a few people, flesh and blood matters. Raising a child that was created by yourself and your partner and passing your genes along matters. Just a thought, but maybe you could respect these aspects of creating a family instead of boiling the issue down to mere pregnancy. That comes off as dismissive.
It's great that you have a good relationship with your son's biological family, but you should respect the fact that many if not most people would not consider that an ideal arrangement. If Alison adopts and the child has no contact with his biological parents, the day might come when he decides to light out on his own and find them. A great many adopted adults have done that very thing. Andy Dick admitted as much on one of FE's podcasts and his adoptive mother was crushed. These aren't non-issues. For better or worse, children have a bond with their biological mother and father, and for many people raising a family is complicated enough without adding another family to the mix.
When my wife is off birth control, if I look at her angry she will get pregnant, so there is that. But if we had had any trouble, after having my own kids and knowing what I know now, if I could order kids based on how much they sleep, that would be THE #1 FACTOR.
I think I have said it before. It is possible to get a kid who sleeps less than you. Think about that!!! Don’t forget that either way, you are about to be invaded.
“Listen, and understand. That is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.”
I about had a heart attack when I heard you guys talking about how you froze your cake to eat a year later on your anniversary. As a former pastry chef, this saddens me! A GOOD bakery is supposed to offer a free anniversary cake on your 1 year anniversary so you can have a fresh one instead of year old, nasty, freezer burn cake. haha The tradition of freezing cake is mostly gone as it is just so gross. If i was still working in a bakery, I would send you guys a new one!
New BF, I know that you aren’t intending to guilt or pressure, but adoption is a delicate subject that people seem to get judgy about. I hope you don’t think that I’m referring to you in any way, but I feel that I have to say this as somebody who was adopted and has every intention to adopt. I strongly feel that people shouldn’t be made to feel pressure to adopt if it doesn’t seem like something for them. It’s very normal for people to have a desire to have a baby that has part of their biological DNA in them. It’s not a desire that my husband or I have, but it’s super common, which makes me know that we’re in the minority. I can’t speak for Alison and Daniel, but I imagine that if they’re like so many other people, they have a strong desire to have a baby that has part of at least one of them in him/her, which is why somebody would choose donor egg over adoption. I wouldn’t want Alison or Daniel to feel weird, guilty or pressured if they decided that adoption wasn’t something that appealed to them and I wouldn’t want others to feel disappointed in them for not going the adoption route. It’s not for everyone and that doesn’t make those who choose not to adopt bad people as a result. Of course, this is not to say that I wouldn’t be ecstatic to hear about Alison’s and Daniel’s adoption journey in future ARIYNBF episodes though!:)
For quite a few people, flesh and blood matters. Raising a child that was created by yourself and your partner and passing your genes along matters. Just a thought, but maybe you could respect these aspects of creating a family instead of boiling the issue down to mere pregnancy. That comes off as dismissive.
It’s great that you have a good relationship with your son’s biological family, but you should respect the fact that many if not most people would not consider that an ideal arrangement. If Alison adopts and the child has no contact with his biological parents, the day might come when he decides to light out on his own and find them. A great many adopted adults have done that very thing. Andy Dick admitted as much on one of FE’s podcasts and his adoptive mother was crushed. These aren’t non-issues. For better or worse, children have a bond with their biological mother and father, and for many people raising a family is complicated enough without adding another family to the mix.
While I agree that it's probably simplifying too much to boil it down to just wanting to experience pregnancy, I don't think negativityabout adoption is fair either. I can say that my parents have adopted 9 out of 14 of their children and we're all equally “loyal” to our parents and none of us have had an interest in seeking a relationship with our birth parents. There are many stories to adoption and just like biological children, it's anyone's guess how parent/child relationships will turn out.
While I agree that it’s probably simplifying too much to boil it down to just wanting to experience pregnancy, I don’t think negativityabout adoption is fair either. I can say that my parents have adopted 9 out of 14 of their children and we’re all equally “loyal” to our parents and none of us have had an interest in seeking a relationship with our birth parents. There are many stories to adoption and just like biological children, it’s anyone’s guess how parent/child relationships will turn out.
New bf (heh heh) just isn't aware this is well worn ground.
The point is the IVF is having trouble.
I don't know anything about donor eggs. But there is some percentage chance adoption would be an ultimate route. So, thinking about it can't hoyt. Everybody seems to have a hair trigger on their overly sensitive judgment detector. Turn that shit off. It gets in the way.
There is stridence amongst adoption advocates, but there is also bias against it. People I know who have adopted seem to have won the lottery and couldn't imagine it any other way even if they couldn't imagine it beforehand. Having triplets from IVF (not that it is a foregone conclusion, or likely, but it is possible) ain't no joke. The couple i know who did that, she went nuts and they got divorced. Not that that is likely either. One kid can be as hard as three (colic will straight up wreck your shit). But that doesnt mean yiu cant gwt three of those and it feel like 9. You might wish you'd done somethingdifferenrly.Just think about everything objectively. Ignore the social crusader aspects and all that. Don't join either team. Just be rational. And then fuck regrets!
New bf (heh heh) just isn’t aware this is well worn ground.
The point is the IVF is having trouble.
I don’t know anything about donor eggs. But there is some percentage chance adoption would be an ultimate route. So, thinking about it can’t hoyt. Everybody seems to have a hair trigger on their overly sensitive judgment detector. Turn that shit off. It gets in the way.
There is stridence amongst adoption advocates, but there is also bias against it. People I know who have adopted seem to have won the lottery and couldn’t imagine it any other way even if they couldn’t imagine it beforehand. Having triplets from IVF (not that it is a foregone conclusion, or likely, but it is possible) ain’t no joke. The couple i know who did that, she went nuts and they got divorced. Not that that is likely either. One kid can be as hard as three (colic will straight up wreck your shit). But that doesnt mean yiu cant gwt three of those and it feel like 9. You might wish you’d done somethingdifferenrly.Just think about everything objectively. Ignore the social crusader aspects and all that. Don’t join either team. Just be rational. And then fuck regrets!
Totally agree that it is anyone's choice to do anything, I am just trying to express a point of view that is clearly rarely advocated for, as I and Leann are almost the only people to say anything positive about it at all. There are infinite factors to consider, but I'm coming from a place of concern for A & D, because having a biologically linked child may not be possible. Please note I never say they should stop trying IVF, etc, I just said “I make a pitch for talking to an adoption agency while you're going through the IVF wait.” That was my first sentence. I would hardly call that cramming adoption down their throats, or saying that they shouldn't continue with IVF. If one has the financial, physical and emotional resources to pursue the medical route there is no reason not to, but that does not preclude also exploring adoption and even being in the adoption pool simultaneously – if they want more than one child you never know what is going to come through first. – take a listen to the last 10 minutes or so of the great Totally Married podcast, it shows people grappling with this issue and I can say I agree with what the hosts say 100%.
Excellently said!
Incidentally, closed adoption is very unusual in domestic cases these days, specifically because of the fact that everyone wants to know “where they come from”. That's why open adoption has come about, and the birth parents and their family become your extended family (ideally, as in our case). Mystery doesn't help anyone in adoption. Our tummy mummy has met my out of town sister and in-town parents (many times), and we have met her parents and one of her sisters, as well as her boyfriend who we love. We have opened our world with adoption. I would have very much loved to see what my amazing husband and I would have produced from our own genes, but since it wasn't possible I am thrilled adoption was an option, and we only waited in the pool 9 months. On top of that I can't imagine a more incredible and loving and sweet kid. We did hit the jackpot.
Totally agree that it is anyone’s choice to do anything, I am just trying to express a point of view that is clearly rarely advocated for, as I and Leann are almost the only people to say anything positive about it at all. There are infinite factors to consider, but I’m coming from a place of concern for A & D, because having a biologically linked child may not be possible. Please note I never say they should stop trying IVF, etc, I just said “I make a pitch for talking to an adoption agency while you’re going through the IVF wait.” That was my first sentence. I would hardly call that cramming adoption down their throats, or saying that they shouldn’t continue with IVF. If one has the financial, physical and emotional resources to pursue the medical route there is no reason not to, but that does not preclude also exploring adoption and even being in the adoption pool simultaneously – if they want more than one child you never know what is going to come through first. – take a listen to the last 10 minutes or so of the great Totally Married podcast, it shows people grappling with this issue and I can say I agree with what the hosts say 100%.
Excellently said!
Incidentally, closed adoption is very unusual in domestic cases these days, specifically because of the fact that everyone wants to know “where they come from”. That’s why open adoption has come about, and the birth parents and their family become your extended family (ideally, as in our case). Mystery doesn’t help anyone in adoption. Our tummy mummy has met my out of town sister and in-town parents (many times), and we have met her parents and one of her sisters, as well as her boyfriend who we love. We have opened our world with adoption. I would have very much loved to see what my amazing husband and I would have produced from our own genes, but since it wasn’t possible I am thrilled adoption was an option, and we only waited in the pool 9 months. On top of that I can’t imagine a more incredible and loving and sweet kid. We did hit the jackpot.