Dustin Goot, Allan Moss and Daniel Quantz join Alison and Jenna Kim Jones for a discussion of all the crazy press surrounding Monday’s Jennifer Lee Pryor episode, umlauts, jury duty and gang car jackings/murder, Better Call Saul and The Oscars, Bob Odenkirk’s hand gestures, period control, eviscerating people’s careers and relationships, adopting, savory peeps, chip chat, “for no reason” gifts, popcorn and more. We also did a round of Just Me Or Everyone (click here to see the JMOEs from this episode).
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Wow – in defense of adoption, it does not have to take 8 years and the cost is more controllable than with IVF. I agree that everything y'all are saying about it being personal choice, and no one makes 25 year olds feel guilty for not adopting, etc is true. Adoption is also emotionally taxing, like Jenna said, but the thing to remember is that with adoption you as a couple are doing this together, and the emotional ride is the same for both. With fertility treatments, you as the woman are the one going through it all, feeling barren, and it increasingly isolates you and makes you feel like a patient. With adoption you spend a lot of time thinking about yourselves as a couple and what kind of parents you want to be. Typically in Oregon, with the agency we used, http://www.openadopt.org/adopt…, the wait is less than 1 1/2 yrs after entering the adoption pool. Agreed, it takes a while, but the cost is fixed if you don't use a private lawyer, and you learn so much, and you WILL have a baby at the end, which is not a guarantee at all with medical treatments. Why not talk to adoption agencies for interest sake if nothing else. We also ended up doing couples counseling at the same time we were looking into adoption and infertility and we are soooo happy now. And our baby is amazing and we have a great relationship with his tummy mummy. PLEASE, for your sake, start to investigate your other options and check in with your gut to see what really feels right for you. Open adoption opens your world.
Wow – in defense of adoption, it does not have to take 8 years and the cost is more controllable than with IVF. I agree that everything y’all are saying about it being personal choice, and no one makes 25 year olds feel guilty for not adopting, etc is true. Adoption is also emotionally taxing, like Jenna said, but the thing to remember is that with adoption you as a couple are doing this together, and the emotional ride is the same for both. With fertility treatments, you as the woman are the one going through it all, feeling barren, and it increasingly isolates you and makes you feel like a patient. With adoption you spend a lot of time thinking about yourselves as a couple and what kind of parents you want to be. Typically in Oregon, with the agency we used, http://www.openadopt.org/adoptive-parents, the wait is less than 1 1/2 yrs after entering the adoption pool. Agreed, it takes a while, but the cost is fixed if you don’t use a private lawyer, and you learn so much, and you WILL have a baby at the end, which is not a guarantee at all with medical treatments. Why not talk to adoption agencies for interest sake if nothing else. We also ended up doing couples counseling at the same time we were looking into adoption and infertility and we are soooo happy now. And our baby is amazing and we have a great relationship with his tummy mummy. PLEASE, for your sake, start to investigate your other options and check in with your gut to see what really feels right for you. Open adoption opens your world.
As somebody who was adopted and who comes from a fmily with many adopted siblins, I'm a champion of adoption. In fact, my husband and I both decided before we had even met eahch other that we would rather adopt rather than have biological children due to genetic reasons on both sides. Of course, this is not always met with understanding by most people du to it being so different.
With all of that said, I don't think that anyone should feel pressured to adopt, even if it turns out that they are not able to have biological children. People are not heartless or bad people if their hearts just don't feel lead to adopt. It's even okay to decide that no children is better than adopting. There areso many emotional parts of adoption that it doesn't need to be a last resort. It should be something that both people feel very comfortable and excited about doing, becaue smooth adoptions with no problems is a rare thing. While I think Al and Jenna came down too hard on adoption due to an extreme example that they know of, I think Dustin made good points about people's judgment about those who don't decide to adopt. It's a sensitive subject and I hope you to are able to have a child the way that you desire. You'll be wonderful parents and it was touching to hear Daniel talk about how he'll love to sit with his little girl and watch Frozen.:)
Speakng of Daniel, I love his dead pan sense of humor!:)
Good show and I'm excited for the press that you've been getting.
Also, there was a moment when #Al said something and I thought it was Jordan.:)
As somebody who was adopted and who comes from a family with many adopted siblins, I’m a champion of adoption. In fact, my husband and I both decided before we had even met eahch other that we would rather adopt rather than have biological children due to genetic reasons on both sides. Of course, this is not always met with understanding by most people du to it being so different than the norm.
With all of that said, I don’t think that anyone should feel pressured to adopt, even if it turns out that they are not able to have biological children. People are not heartless or bad people if their hearts just don’t feel lead to adopt. It’s even okay to decide that no children is better than adopting. There are so many emotional parts of adoption that it doesn’t need to be a last resort. It should be something that both people feel very comfortable and excited about doing, because smooth adoptions with no problems is a rare thing. While I think Al and Jenna came down too hard on adoption due to an extreme example that they know of, I think Dustin made good points about people’s judgment about those who don’t decide to adopt. It’s a sensitive subject and I hope you to are able to have a child the way that you desire. You’ll be wonderful parents and it was touching to hear Daniel talk about how he’ll love to sit with his little girl and watch Frozen.:)
Speaking of Daniel, I continue to love his dead pan sense of humor!:)
Good show, great callbacks to earlier parts of the show, and I’m excited for the press that you’ve been getting.
Also, there was a moment when #Al said something and I thought it was Jordan.:)
I really appreciate the stories about adoption from the fans who have experience with it. 🙂
I've always wanted to adopt (I am terrified of pregnancy and take meds that are contraindicated – I have no interest in being pregnant or giving birth). I think this opinion was shaped early on as I had more than one or two friends that were teen moms and watched them go through the whole ordeal (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before they were ready, but I digress). Scared the heck out of me. Anyhow, I also don't want to have kids unless I'm married…and that hasn't happened yet.
Anyhow, I've volunteered with foster kiddos for 6 years and have been directly involved with a few adoptions (as the child's advocate). I've worked with every age, from infants to teens. I've also read a lot about adoption over the past 15 years or so (things have changed dramatically “in the industry” during that time by the way, it's kind of amazing). Domestic adoption is very different than foreign adoption and adopting an infant is very different than adopting a toddler / school age child or teen who is available for adoption due to death of parents/guardians or termination of parental rights (due to abandonment, neglect, abuse). Private adoption (ie via an attorney or a private firm) is also very different than through the state or a nonprofit working in conjunction with one or several states or regions. States differ, level of “openness” in adoptions differ. There is a lot to each “category” of adoption if you know what I mean – pros and cons to each. And, some very well meaning folks in the industry as well as in families of adoption have things ass-backward when it comes to this topic. Some are spot-on. It's tough to get a handle on what the best way to go is, especially coming out of the emotional and physical toll fertility issues can take. I guess what I'm saying is, allow yourself some space with this topic.
My parents were married for 10 years before they got pregnant (with no birth control what so ever, but also no fertility treatments). My mom had her first baby at 39 and her last baby at 45 and did just fine and dandy. My dad was 51 when the first one was born and 56 with the last. So, anything can happen!
Also, please don't worry you “waited too long”. You waited the exact right amount of time – until you were ready (emotionally, logistically, etc). Who knows if you wouldn't have had the same medical concerns at 19 or 25 or 34?
I really appreciate the stories about adoption from the fans who have experience with it. 🙂
I’ve always wanted to adopt (I am terrified of pregnancy and take meds that are contraindicated – I have no interest in being pregnant or giving birth). I think this opinion was shaped early on as I had more than one or two friends that were teen moms and watched them go through the whole ordeal (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before they were ready, but I digress). Scared the heck out of me. Anyhow, I also don’t want to have kids unless I’m married…and that hasn’t happened yet.
Anyhow, I’ve volunteered with foster kiddos for 6 years and have been directly involved with a few adoptions (as the child’s advocate). I’ve worked with every age, from infants to teens. I’ve also read a lot about adoption over the past 15 years or so (things have changed dramatically “in the industry” during that time by the way, it’s kind of amazing). Domestic adoption is very different than foreign adoption and adopting an infant is very different than adopting a toddler / school age child or teen who is available for adoption due to death of parents/guardians or termination of parental rights (due to abandonment, neglect, abuse). Private adoption (ie via an attorney or a private firm) is also very different than through the state or a nonprofit working in conjunction with one or several states or regions. States differ, level of “openness” in adoptions differ. There is a lot to each “category” of adoption if you know what I mean – pros and cons to each. And, some very well meaning folks in the industry as well as in families of adoption have things ass-backward when it comes to this topic. Some are spot-on. It’s tough to get a handle on what the best way to go is, especially coming out of the emotional and physical toll fertility issues can take. I guess what I’m saying is, allow yourself some space with this topic.
My parents were married for 10 years before they got pregnant (with no birth control what so ever, but also no fertility treatments). My mom had her first baby at 39 and her last baby at 45 and did just fine and dandy. My dad was 51 when the first one was born and 56 with the last. So, anything can happen!
Also, please don’t worry you “waited too long”. You waited the exact right amount of time – until you were ready (emotionally, logistically, etc). Who knows if you wouldn’t have had the same medical concerns at 19 or 25 or 34?
Totally well said, all of it. Thank you for continuing the discussion of this super-important subject, and giving the most important perspective of all – that of the adopted child herself! It is true that every adoption story has plenty of bumps on the road, especially in the case of open adoption. From a fan's perspective, I think hearing Alison document an adoption journey would be fascinating, and from a BFs perspective I actually think it could be a great fit for the RosenQuantzes.
So exactly right, everything you said. Like you, I didn't feel a need to have the experience of being pregnant (partly because I have titanium hardware installed in my spine due to a back injury so he extra weight would have been very tough), but I knew I wanted to be a mom and being an adoptive mom is no let-down, believe me. It's exhilarating to be a parent no matter how the parent-child relationship comes about.
Totally well said, all of it. Thank you for continuing the discussion of this super-important subject, and giving the most important perspective of all – that of the adopted child herself! It is true that every adoption story has plenty of bumps on the road, especially in the case of open adoption. From a fan’s perspective, I think hearing Alison document an adoption journey would be fascinating, and from a BFs perspective I actually think it could be a great fit for the RosenQuantzes.
So exactly right, everything you said. Like you, I didn’t feel a need to have the experience of being pregnant (partly because I have titanium hardware installed in my spine due to a back injury so he extra weight would have been very tough), but I knew I wanted to be a mom and being an adoptive mom is no let-down, believe me. It’s exhilarating to be a parent no matter how the parent-child relationship comes about.