The Thursday gang (Alison, Chris Laxamana, Matt Fondiler, Gary Smith, Jenna Kim Jones and Caelan Biehn) discusses Halloween costumes, a gal chat update, Matt’s girlfriend’s dog’s costume, cats and cat allergies, Hannah Montana and Tony Montana, Iggy Azalea, Blanche’s untimely surprise demise, car tags and so much more. We also did a round of Just Me Or Everyone (click here to see the JMOEs from this episode).
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Please, please, please do not declaw a cat, especially if you are going to have one living with a dog. It's so bad for the cat, physically, emotionally, and behaviorally. Plus, if a cat lives with a dog, it needs its claws to defend itself if needed (or it will start biting people and be traumatized and super crazy – trust me, I have seen it several times and have had cats for 17 years). I don't recommend getting a kitten – they are cute but can be super annoying, can be quite destructive, and a real handful until after “their teenage years”. Also, it can be dangerous for the kitten if the dog sees it as prey (the kitten hardly stands a chance when you are not home to protect it). There are tons of adult and senior cats available for adoption that are super chill with dogs – trust me. Seek out a reputable cat shelter (there are several in LA, I hear) and ask for help – they would LOVE to help you find the right kitty for you! Or rescue a doggie that is similar size to Miss Wendy – I think that would be less work than a kitten or cat.
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Alison – It is so hard to sit with grief. Society encourages us to move past it before we are ready. It's a process and sometimes it goes forward and sometimes backward and sometimes just sits there. One thing I have found helpful in processing grief is by purposely doing something “in memory of” the deceased loved one – even if the “in memory of” part is only known to me / not articulated to others. For example: donations, volunteering, purchases. One of the kindest gifts I have ever received is when my first cat died my mom purchased “naming rights” to a star (like, in the night sky) and named it after my cat and gave me a nice little scroll with the proclamation that this star located (wherever it is) shall henceforth be known as (my cat's name) and is named in her memory. It was really sweet and made me cry but it was a good cry.
I have to say that for me, volunteering has been the most helpful in processing grief. I've volunteered at animal shelters, with foster children, with homeless shelters and churches. It has always made me feel better about life in general. I guess it is because it's a physical action that I can perform to make the world better or comfort a person or an animal that needs help and this, in turn, is positive control over a negative situation that helps to decrease the out of control sadness of the grief.
I know that some shelters have cool programs where you can take a shelter dog for a walk or a hike (just to get them out for awhile, help socialize them and stuff) that don't require huge time commitments. Or sometimes you can buy a brick and engrave it to help fund building a new shelter, stuff like that.
Anyhow, just some thoughts. 🙂
Please, please, please do not declaw a cat, especially if you are going to have one living with a dog. It’s so bad for the cat, physically, emotionally, and behaviorally. Plus, if a cat lives with a dog, it needs its claws to defend itself if needed (or it will start biting people and be traumatized and super crazy – trust me, I have seen it several times and have had cats for 17 years). I don’t recommend getting a kitten – they are cute but can be super annoying, can be quite destructive, and a real handful until after “their teenage years”. Also, it can be dangerous for the kitten if the dog sees it as prey (the kitten hardly stands a chance when you are not home to protect it). There are tons of adult and senior cats available for adoption that are super chill with dogs – trust me. Seek out a reputable cat shelter (there are several in LA, I hear) and ask for help – they would LOVE to help you find the right kitty for you! Or rescue a doggie that is similar size to Miss Wendy – I think that would be less work than a kitten or cat.
///////////////
Alison – It is so hard to sit with grief. Society encourages us to move past it before we are ready. It’s a process and sometimes it goes forward and sometimes backward and sometimes just sits there. One thing I have found helpful in processing grief is by purposely doing something “in memory of” the deceased loved one – even if the “in memory of” part is only known to me / not articulated to others. For example: donations, volunteering, purchases. One of the kindest gifts I have ever received is when my first cat died my mom purchased “naming rights” to a star (like, in the night sky) and named it after my cat and gave me a nice little scroll with the proclamation that this star located (wherever it is) shall henceforth be known as (my cat’s name) and is named in her memory. It was really sweet and made me cry but it was a good cry.
I have to say that for me, volunteering has been the most helpful in processing grief. I’ve volunteered at animal shelters, with foster children, with homeless shelters and churches. It has always made me feel better about life in general. I guess it is because it’s a physical action that I can perform to make the world better or comfort a person or an animal that needs help and this, in turn, is positive control over a negative situation that helps to decrease the out of control sadness of the grief.
I know that some shelters have cool programs where you can take a shelter dog for a walk or a hike (just to get them out for awhile, help socialize them and stuff) that don’t require huge time commitments. Or sometimes you can buy a brick and engrave it to help fund building a new shelter, stuff like that.
Anyhow, just some thoughts. 🙂
Hey Chase from itunes, you're a fruitcake.
Hey Chase from itunes, you’re a fruitcake.
Chiweenies unite! I tried to snap a pic of our 4 yr/old mix wearing her hotdog costume, but she is not as accommodating as Taco. Here is Ms. Frankie!
Chiweenies unite! I tried to snap a pic of our 4 yr/old mix wearing her hotdog costume, but she is not as accommodating as Taco. Here is Ms. Frankie!
Hey Alison – while it might be ill-advised to consider dog advise from me. I will immediately disclose that I am a half-step away from being the “crazy dog lady”. but that stems from my fluid-in-number pack rescue dogs. I have almost no ability to say no to any dog that comes to me needing a home. Currently I have four dogs, I have had as many as six during the past 5 years. I wanted to comment on something you said during this pod about whether or not your dog could have some knowledge of your emotional state, this is fairly well documented and is part of the evolutionary process of wolf to dog. At this point, researchers have done many experiments that reveal just how much dogs rely on human facial expressions for clues about what to do and whether not their human 'pack leader' is accepting or disapproving of what they are doing.
To that end…. Wendy definitely senses your emotional state. Your grief (though she may not clearly understand) gives you non-pack leader energy. If you and Daniel have the bandwidth for two dogs, it would be helpful to Wendy for a few reasons, as Maria said having a play buddy is both entertaining for you and helpful to Wendy's development. It might be especially good if you were able to adopt a slightly older dog (not a senior citizen), may a one or two year old. That would give Wendy a dog 'role model' in human terms.
It's impossible to wish or think grief away, that's one of the worst parts of grief. Folks who tell you they just went back to their life and 'avoided' the grief by enforcing balance are deluding themselves (I speak from experience here… I lost my Mom then my infant son in less than one year… when my son died, I just went to work – I worked the four days between his death and funeral because I wanted to be out of my house since it was filled with my hubby's crying friends and family and I just couldn't handle that, after his funeral when everyone was gone, I thought I would take a little time, but I just couldn't – I felt like if I stayed home I might be overcome with the emotions of the whole thing that I wouldn't get back to productive for a long time, so I just kept working and took on so many projects I never worked less than 16 hours in a day. On the other hand, my husband was out of work for months. I felt terrible for him and I wished I could help but I wasn't the right person – part of his protracted grief was due to the fact that I did not (outwardly) seem devastated, even though he knew completely the depths of my despair. But he hated me for living a normal life after something like that. I think the thing that caused the crushing weight on me was losing my Mom (who was also my best friend) and my son in such a very, very short period of time. I wanted very much to stop thinking about both of them and to stop the episodic grief storms, but you can't – not even a little bit. I think the reason my husband recovered before me was that he just let it happen and I did everything I could to pretend it wasn't. My recovery really started a 11 months after my son died with the birth of my daughter. I was in therapy before during and after my sons death, my therapist learned a lot about me during that time because he was one of the most shocked when he heard I went to work to avoid the grief at my house. When I talked with him about how my MIL was trying to get me to stay home and “begin the grieving process” and the huge scene that followed, he was very kind (but confused) and said, everyone's process is different, but its a process and it takes as long as it takes. I hope you don't feel I am trying to equate losses here, I realize you are dealing with a lot more because of the violence of the attack and all that little Oliver suffered through which was triggered from that, but hopefully you believe that grief is grief.
p.s. don't de-claw cats !!! There is a reason it is being outlawed in many cities Santa Monica was the first one in LA county I believe – but many vets will not perform the procedure even where it is legal – from the Humane Society web …
Too often, people think that declawing is a simple surgery that removes a cat's nails—the equivalent of having your fingernails trimmed. Sadly, this is far from the truth.
Declawing traditionally involves the amputation of the last bone of each toe. If performed on a human being, it would be like cutting off each finger at the last knuckle.
It is an unnecessary surgery that provides no medical benefit to the cat. Educated pet parents can easily train their cats to use their claws in a manner that allows everyone in the household to live together happily.
Hey Alison – while it might be ill-advised to consider dog advise from me. I will immediately disclose that I am a half-step away from being the “crazy dog lady”. but that stems from my fluid-in-number pack rescue dogs. I have almost no ability to say no to any dog that comes to me needing a home. Currently I have four dogs, I have had as many as six during the past 5 years. I wanted to comment on something you said during this pod about whether or not your dog could have some knowledge of your emotional state, this is fairly well documented and is part of the evolutionary process of wolf to dog. At this point, researchers have done many experiments that reveal just how much dogs rely on human facial expressions for clues about what to do and whether not their human ‘pack leader’ is accepting or disapproving of what they are doing.
To that end…. Wendy definitely senses your emotional state. Your grief (though she may not clearly understand) gives you non-pack leader energy. If you and Daniel have the bandwidth for two dogs, it would be helpful to Wendy for a few reasons, as Maria said having a play buddy is both entertaining for you and helpful to Wendy’s development. It might be especially good if you were able to adopt a slightly older dog (not a senior citizen), may a one or two year old. That would give Wendy a dog ‘role model’ in human terms.
It’s impossible to wish or think grief away, that’s one of the worst parts of grief. Folks who tell you they just went back to their life and ‘avoided’ the grief by enforcing balance are deluding themselves (I speak from experience here… I lost my Mom then my infant son in less than one year… when my son died, I just went to work – I worked the four days between his death and funeral because I wanted to be out of my house since it was filled with my hubby’s crying friends and family and I just couldn’t handle that, after his funeral when everyone was gone, I thought I would take a little time, but I just couldn’t – I felt like if I stayed home I might be overcome with the emotions of the whole thing that I wouldn’t get back to productive for a long time, so I just kept working and took on so many projects I never worked less than 16 hours in a day. On the other hand, my husband was out of work for months. I felt terrible for him and I wished I could help but I wasn’t the right person – part of his protracted grief was due to the fact that I did not (outwardly) seem devastated, even though he knew completely the depths of my despair. But he hated me for living a normal life after something like that. I think the thing that caused the crushing weight on me was losing my Mom (who was also my best friend) and my son in such a very, very short period of time. I wanted very much to stop thinking about both of them and to stop the episodic grief storms, but you can’t – not even a little bit. I think the reason my husband recovered before me was that he just let it happen and I did everything I could to pretend it wasn’t. My recovery really started a 11 months after my son died with the birth of my daughter. I was in therapy before during and after my sons death, my therapist learned a lot about me during that time because he was one of the most shocked when he heard I went to work to avoid the grief at my house. When I talked with him about how my MIL was trying to get me to stay home and “begin the grieving process” and the huge scene that followed, he was very kind (but confused) and said, everyone’s process is different, but its a process and it takes as long as it takes. I hope you don’t feel I am trying to equate losses here, I realize you are dealing with a lot more because of the violence of the attack and all that little Oliver suffered through which was triggered from that, but hopefully you believe that grief is grief.
p.s. don’t de-claw cats !!! There is a reason it is being outlawed in many cities Santa Monica was the first one in LA county I believe – but many vets will not perform the procedure even where it is legal – from the Humane Society web …
Too often, people think that declawing is a simple surgery that removes a cat’s nails—the equivalent of having your fingernails trimmed. Sadly, this is far from the truth.
Declawing traditionally involves the amputation of the last bone of each toe. If performed on a human being, it would be like cutting off each finger at the last knuckle.
It is an unnecessary surgery that provides no medical benefit to the cat. Educated pet parents can easily train their cats to use their claws in a manner that allows everyone in the household to live together happily.
Was it just me or did it seem like Gary was on his period in this episode? Why so glum Gary?
Was it just me or did it seem like Gary was on his period in this episode? Why so glum Gary?