The Thursday gang (Alison, Chris Laxamana, Matt Fondiler, Gary Smith and Jenna Kim Jones) discuss Alison’s wedding, the way Chris and Daniel (Alison’s husband) have similar voices, frustration with parents, Matt moving in with his girlfriend, bathroom politics, missing Yosicles, Jenna’s upcoming special and so much more. We also did a round of Just Me Or Everyone (click here to see the JMOEs from this episode).
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nice pic
sometimes i think i see a picture of me but it ends up just being brad pitt, leonardo dicaprio, or jesus :/
nice pic
Alison, you look sooooo skinny in your dress! Beautiful too!
Alison, you look sooooo skinny in your dress! Beautiful too!
Beautiful! Also I had no idea Oliver was so tiny. My dog's small but she's def an over-the-shoulder dog.
Beautiful! Also I had no idea Oliver was so tiny. My dog’s small but she’s def an over-the-shoulder dog.
Alison, I adore you. I love the pictures – you look stunning in your dress and I love that you kept your hair sleek and down (instead of 1990s crazy wedding hair that some people still do for some reason!!). AND your make up looked great!
You are not nitpicking and you do not sound like a baby. When you hire people and tell them your expectations, they need to meet them. That's it. If they fuck up, they need to fix it. Now. Not later, now. These are reasonable expectations, especially for a wedding. You are extremely reasonable on a consistent basis- don't doubt it for a second. I'm sorry to hear that the venue was so pushy with time AND fucked up some time stuff themselves. I totally understand if you want to just forget it, but if you feel up to it I encourage you to let the venue know what you thought of their service and how it affected you on your special day and that you expect them to return part of their fee in order to restore your confidence in their organization and recommend them to others (AS A PUBLIC PERSON, HELLO!!). Maybe they will, maybe they won't, but you should let the venue and your wedding coordinator know that this shit not gonna fly. DEFINITELY Yelp review both.
Damn it, that wedding coordinator should have been with you before your walk. WTF else was she doing? It's also her job to shield you from stupid bathroom door knockers and such. Also, mothering yourself, checking in with yourself, etc and crying totally makes sense and is a great way of coping. Crying is GOOD for you. It is the way a lot of people cope and regardless of what stupid bitches wearing Prada in NYC office buildings say, you cry all you want, my love. (even my PhD level psychologist says SHE cries between clients on really hard days)
Maybe this sounds silly, but I wish I had been there as I would have kicked several asses and shielded you my darn self! 🙂
I don't know how your mom usually behaves, other than struggling with being punctual, but being late by more than 10 or so minutes to your daughter's wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner is really unkind. I don't know if she is truly one of those people who just doesn't do well with time / deadlines / whatever or if she is being passive aggressive or what.
I'm not saying you did the wrong thing, but delaying being seated “for” your parents so it wouldn't appear that they were so blatantly late may have created more stress for you than was worth it in the short and long term. I don't blame you – it is SUPER easy to react in a codependent way and goodness knows I have done it a million times (for REAL). But if you would have kept everything normal regardless of your parent's arrival (and I realize that may not have been really possible at the actual rehearsal in case your dad gave you away, etc) then it would have been clearer to everyone, including mom herself, that there are very real consequences for her unkind behavior. For example, she may be embarrassed or think people are thinking certain things about her, etc. It's important that she actually experience natural consequences for her unkind behavior, or she will never ever change it and/or will not receive authentic responses from her family. AND people “handling things for her” (i.e. you, the bride, who's day it is, is delaying your stuff FOR mom) doesn't do her any favors, and can actually make her behave worse the next time and/or further damage relationships due to pent up resentment (the little things add up). Her excuses do not matter. Repeat: her excuses do NOT matter. Her baby gettiln' married. BE THERE ON TIME, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
It may not seem like a big deal to everyone, but my feeling is: you, her daughter, is getting married and that consists of what, a couple days once in your life where mom needs to be more on the ball, set her cell phone alarm, leave an hour earlier, whatever and she can't fucking make it work? Really? Fuck that. I love my mom more than anyone on the planet and if she did that to me, it would really hurt and you beat your bottom dollar I would cry. You are not asking much of her and she can't even rise to the occasion. And not apologizing? Holy shit. H-O-L-Y S-H-I-T!!!!!!!! Don't make any excuses for her, my dear. Her behavior is not ok.
And, my friend, you did nothing wrong with your wedding. Please don't regret anything on your part. You held up your end of the bargain: you were there, paid people who worked for you, and you got married. Your mom acted unkindly. Your venue and your wedding coordinator acted incompetently. Your make up lady dropped the ball with the lipstick. Nothing in that is Alison's fault. NOTHING. Your needs and wants are so reasonable and normal and fine – please believe that 1,000%! You are kind and lovely and people have been shitty to you and it's ok to be hurt by that.
I hope the party at Mark's and your honeymoon is 5,000,000 times better 🙂
you look so pretty!
Alison, I adore you. I love the pictures – you look stunning in your dress and I love that you kept your hair sleek and down (instead of 1990s crazy wedding hair that some people still do for some reason!!). AND your make up looked great!
You are not nitpicking and you do not sound like a baby. When you hire people and tell them your expectations, they need to meet them. That’s it. If they fuck up, they need to fix it. Now. Not later, now. These are reasonable expectations, especially for a wedding. You are extremely reasonable on a consistent basis- don’t doubt it for a second. I’m sorry to hear that the venue was so pushy with time AND fucked up some time stuff themselves. I totally understand if you want to just forget it, but if you feel up to it I encourage you to let the venue know what you thought of their service and how it affected you on your special day and that you expect them to return part of their fee in order to restore your confidence in their organization and recommend them to others (AS A PUBLIC PERSON, HELLO!!). Maybe they will, maybe they won’t, but you should let the venue and your wedding coordinator know that this shit not gonna fly. DEFINITELY Yelp review both.
Damn it, that wedding coordinator should have been with you before your walk. WTF else was she doing? It’s also her job to shield you from stupid bathroom door knockers and such. Also, mothering yourself, checking in with yourself, etc and crying totally makes sense and is a great way of coping. Crying is GOOD for you. It is the way a lot of people cope and regardless of what stupid bitches wearing Prada in NYC office buildings say, you cry all you want, my love. (even my PhD level psychologist says SHE cries between clients on really hard days)
Maybe this sounds silly, but I wish I had been there as I would have kicked several asses and shielded you my darn self! 🙂
I don’t know how your mom usually behaves, other than struggling with being punctual, but being late by more than 10 or so minutes to your daughter’s wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner is really unkind. I don’t know if she is truly one of those people who just doesn’t do well with time / deadlines / whatever or if she is being passive aggressive or what.
I’m not saying you did the wrong thing, but delaying being seated “for” your parents so it wouldn’t appear that they were so blatantly late may have created more stress for you than was worth it in the short and long term. I don’t blame you – it is SUPER easy to react in a codependent way and goodness knows I have done it a million times (for REAL). But if you would have kept everything normal regardless of your parent’s arrival (and I realize that may not have been really possible at the actual rehearsal in case your dad gave you away, etc) then it would have been clearer to everyone, including mom herself, that there are very real consequences for her unkind behavior. For example, she may be embarrassed or think people are thinking certain things about her, etc. It’s important that she actually experience natural consequences for her unkind behavior, or she will never ever change it and/or will not receive authentic responses from her family. AND people “handling things for her” (i.e. you, the bride, who’s day it is, is delaying your stuff FOR mom) doesn’t do her any favors, and can actually make her behave worse the next time and/or further damage relationships due to pent up resentment (the little things add up). Her excuses do not matter. Repeat: her excuses do NOT matter. Her baby gettiln’ married. BE THERE ON TIME, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
It may not seem like a big deal to everyone, but my feeling is: you, her daughter, is getting married and that consists of what, a couple days once in your life where mom needs to be more on the ball, set her cell phone alarm, leave an hour earlier, whatever and she can’t fucking make it work? Really? Fuck that. I love my mom more than anyone on the planet and if she did that to me, it would really hurt and you beat your bottom dollar I would cry. You are not asking much of her and she can’t even rise to the occasion. And not apologizing? Holy shit. H-O-L-Y S-H-I-T!!!!!!!! Don’t make any excuses for her, my dear. Her behavior is not ok.
And, my friend, you did nothing wrong with your wedding. Please don’t regret anything on your part. You held up your end of the bargain: you were there, paid people who worked for you, and you got married. Your mom acted unkindly. Your venue and your wedding coordinator acted incompetently. Your make up lady dropped the ball with the lipstick. Nothing in that is Alison’s fault. NOTHING. Your needs and wants are so reasonable and normal and fine – please believe that 1,000%! You are kind and lovely and people have been shitty to you and it’s ok to be hurt by that.
I hope the party at Mark’s and your honeymoon is 5,000,000 times better 🙂
you look so pretty!
You do not sound like a baby. I'm 40, married and have been a best man or a groomsman in 20+ weddings and the No. 1 duty of a wedding planner is to shield the bride from drama. There have been several instances where we've approached the bride after a wedding and said, “Yeah, everything was great, but the wedding planner was a total bitch…” and the response was “Yeah, that she told us that she would seem that way, but her whole job was to make sure I didn't have anything else to worry about on the wedding day.
My wedding day was perfect. My wife would say the same thing.
The days leading up to it, not so much… Everybody has the relative or friends who feel the need to either make your wedding about them or are unable to realize that things like getting into petty arguments, being late or inconsiderate just cannot happen under any circumstances. My father was a complete dick to my mother-in-law and it cast a huge shadow over the week leading up to the wedding.
I've been to weddings where the best man gave a speech about the groom's previous girlfriend. I've been to weddings where the father of the bride accused his daughter of “slumming” and I've seen countless instances of someone giving a drunken toast they would live to regret later.
I am a big fan of your show and Daniel sounds like a great guy.
Best of luck to you in your marriage…
Dylan Tomlinson
You do not sound like a baby. I’m 40, married and have been a best man or a groomsman in 20+ weddings and the No. 1 duty of a wedding planner is to shield the bride from drama. There have been several instances where we’ve approached the bride after a wedding and said, “Yeah, everything was great, but the wedding planner was a total bitch…” and the response was “Yeah, that she told us that she would seem that way, but her whole job was to make sure I didn’t have anything else to worry about on the wedding day.
My wedding day was perfect. My wife would say the same thing.
The days leading up to it, not so much… Everybody has the relative or friends who feel the need to either make your wedding about them or are unable to realize that things like getting into petty arguments, being late or inconsiderate just cannot happen under any circumstances. My father was a complete dick to my mother-in-law and it cast a huge shadow over the week leading up to the wedding.
I’ve been to weddings where the best man gave a speech about the groom’s previous girlfriend. I’ve been to weddings where the father of the bride accused his daughter of “slumming” and I’ve seen countless instances of someone giving a drunken toast they would live to regret later.
I am a big fan of your show and Daniel sounds like a great guy.
Best of luck to you in your marriage…
Dylan Tomlinson
Oh Alison I love you!! I feel awful that your wedding has some moments that made you sad 🙁 BUT this is why I HATE all this wedding shite!
I am fortunately a female who grew up NEVER thinking of her wedding day! I feel blessed because of this. I do hope one day to meet a man I want to be with till I die, but I do not envision a wedding at all. I was engaged and had my son, but his Dad and I split up. I never thought much about a wedding even when I was engaged. I like the idea of being 'committed' to each other, but I dont feel a wedding is necessary. I hope your summer wedding party is awesome! That sounds like way more fun.
Oh Alison I love you!! I feel awful that your wedding has some moments that made you sad 🙁 BUT this is why I HATE all this wedding shite!
I am fortunately a female who grew up NEVER thinking of her wedding day! I feel blessed because of this. I do hope one day to meet a man I want to be with till I die, but I do not envision a wedding at all. I was engaged and had my son, but his Dad and I split up. I never thought much about a wedding even when I was engaged. I like the idea of being ‘committed’ to each other, but I dont feel a wedding is necessary. I hope your summer wedding party is awesome! That sounds like way more fun.
Alison, congrats on getting married. That’s
unfortunate about your wedding, but I’m so happy that you wrote this because
now I don't feel so alone. I also had a crappy wedding! I got married a few
months ago and feel like I’m haunted by it. Nothing terrible happened, nobody
died or anything! I was surrounded by 100 of my friends and family but how
could I feel so alone? The whole day, I couldn’t help but feel, all that money
and planning and stressing for …this? My parents were acting like I was
inconveniencing them by (barely) having them involved in the wedding. One of my
bridesmaids got in a fight with her BF the night before and was miserable the
whole day. My husband was completely useless in helping with the wedding
planning, and the only thing he was in charge of was the alcohol, which we ran
out at 10pm. During the reception/dance my extended family just sat around and
looked bored so I felt like I had to come around and entertain them throughout
the night. My parents only comments to me were their constant complaints about
the music. All I wanted to do was CHILL OUT. So I had some wine, still wasn’t
chilled out, had some more wine…. “Where are my bridesmaids? Everyones leaving.
I hate this song. I gotta chill out”… more wine. BAM puked my guts out on my
wedding night, and pissed off my new husband. I could go on and on…. But it
doesn't matter anymore. It's all over and one day we’ll be laughing at it!
Right?!
Alison, congrats on getting married. That’s
unfortunate about your wedding, but I’m so happy that you wrote this because
now I don’t feel so alone. I also had a crappy wedding! I got married a few
months ago and feel like I’m haunted by it. Nothing terrible happened, nobody
died or anything! I was surrounded by 100 of my friends and family but how
could I feel so alone? The whole day, I couldn’t help but feel, all that money
and planning and stressing for …this? My parents were acting like I was
inconveniencing them by (barely) having them involved in the wedding. One of my
bridesmaids got in a fight with her BF the night before and was miserable the
whole day. My husband was completely useless in helping with the wedding
planning, and the only thing he was in charge of was the alcohol, which we ran
out at 10pm. During the reception/dance my extended family just sat around and
looked bored so I felt like I had to come around and entertain them throughout
the night. My parents only comments to me were their constant complaints about
the music. All I wanted to do was CHILL OUT. So I had some wine, still wasn’t
chilled out, had some more wine…. “Where are my bridesmaids? Everyones leaving.
I hate this song. I gotta chill out”… more wine. BAM puked my guts out on my
wedding night, and pissed off my new husband. I could go on and on…. But it
doesn’t matter anymore. It’s all over and one day we’ll be laughing at it!
Right?!