Check it out! It’s all here and it’s fabulous if I do say so myself but then of course I’d say that because I’m fairly self-smitten. Anyway, the backstory is that when I worked at Time Out New York I was asked to hatch their then brand-new blog. I sat on it like it was my own and then I lovingly barfed up worms and seed into its mouth.
In other news, I’m now the proud owner of curtains. They’re hanging in my windows right this very minute. Don’t be jealous, curtain-less brethren.
I have a problem throwing stuff out as evidenced both by the fact that I don’t even own a real trash can and the clanging sound out I make when I walk into a room. “Oh, don’t mind me,” I say, laughing at the empty tuna cans and balls of tinfoil which have adhered to my backside like unconventional wind chimes. I was going to refer to them as foul-smelling wind chimes but the thing is that of course I rinse out the cans before sticking them on my butt. I’m not some kind of idiot.
Anyway, I loved this post by Chris Hardwick. Any day now I’m totally going to take it to heart.
If you need more Robert Giampa, here’s the two of us talking about Rosenation and “the magic face.”
Do you love visual puns and physical comedy? Then please love this video. In other news, I’m wearing my retainers right now for the first time in awhile, hence the lisp and the drooling. (Not in the video, but right now.) It’s pretty hot.
When my sister and I filed for our imaginary trial separation she kept the garbage can and I kept the cheese grater. I don’t grate cheese but I’ll be damned if she’s going to get everything, you know? And since then I’ve had this situation going on.
Every time Dustin sees it he says, “I see you still have the hanging trash bags.” It’s almost as if he finds it unsightly. The truth is that I also find it unsightly though and so I need to get a real adult trash can. One that smokes and drinks but also goes to bed early. I’m thinking I want one of those fancy stainless steel numbers with the pedal. They’re expensive though and I don’t want to throw my money away. Get it? A trash joke!
So here’s where I turn to my trusty readership or refuse-familiar dude bros to ask for some suggestions for what kind of can I should get. Won’t this be fun? I think so! Sort of like when I went insane with the couch. Yay for us all!
And I’ve already lined up a special guest for today’s vlog! Woohoo!
I’m a big fan of people who are into me. I just find we share a similar outlook on life and I suspect our value system looks something like this:
1. Alison
2. Alison-related stuff
3. Ducklings (optional)
So when I received an email from a delightful young woman asking if I could sign a bday card for her friend who’s a fan, how could I possibly say no? I mean, of course I responded and demanded a hefty fee and that she fax the request to my team of handlers, and then of course I castigated her for not going through the proper channels from the beginning, but once my handlers delivered the request to me while I received my daily individual follicle deep conditioning treatment (that’s where they put the conditioner on each individual strand of hair and then wrap each strand of hair in foil and then you cross your fingers there’s no lightening) and I had time to process it while listening to nature sounds and being fanned with a giant palm frond as is my way, I said “Of course!”
Here’s the bday gal’s blog write up.
As a side note: isn’t “gal” a funny word? I find gal often is preceded by “neat.” As in: She’s a “neat gal.” I can remember my 7th grade science teacher who was kind of handsome guy describing another teacher that way and then I wondered if he had feelings for this neat gal.
In the last post I said I might be on Geraldo tonight but as it turns out I won’t be. I felt it would be shallow and tragic if I didn’t inform you guys. You know? I felt it would be mercenary and enviable if I just left it at that. Am I making myself clear? I felt it would be autocratic and speedy if I dropped out of sight. Capice? I felt it would be bombastic and screwball if I didn’t follow up. You read me? I felt it would be wet and herb-crusted if I didn’t circle back. You know? I felt it would be hexagonal and steadfast if I didn’t keep you in the loop. You dig? I felt it would be glittery and redolent if I didn’t keep you posted. Okey dokey?
So I just interviewed my dad on speaker phone for the first installment of my daily vlog. But what should I be calling these daily bits of magic? The Rosen Show? Alison’s Daily Vlog? Something else? Let me know if you have any suggestions and then we can all vote on them or something fun like that!
Last night while the rest of the world watched American Idol I showed what a true iconoclast I am by watching an episode of Gossip Girl I’d recorded earlier in the week. The world zigs, I zag. I’m just that rebellious. So here’s what I want to know: why wasn’t Serena wearing a graduation cap? Everyone else was but silly Serena had her tassle tied into her hair. I really don’t think that kind of thing would fly at Constance. If anyone can answer this question for me I promise I will, um, stop asking about it. Otherwise I might just have to ask and ask and ask and ask and it will get really annoying. Unless I just forget about it entirely which is also possible.
I think the sound might not be synced up correctly. Are you noticing that as well? Hm.
Oh and one more thing: where is everyone? where are all my commenters? are you guys having trouble leaving comments or is it just kind of slow right now? If there are problems with the commenting system let me know by semaphore or morse code. Or email me: alisonmrosen [at] gmail [dot] com.