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I’m a big fan of people who are into me. I just find we share a similar outlook on life and I suspect our value system looks something like this:

1. Alison

2. Alison-related stuff

3. Ducklings (optional)

So when I received an email from a delightful young woman asking if I could sign a bday card for  her friend who’s a fan, how could I possibly say no? I mean, of course I responded and demanded a hefty fee and that she fax the request to my team of handlers, and then of course I castigated her for not going through the proper channels from the beginning, but once my handlers delivered the request to me while I received my daily individual follicle deep conditioning treatment (that’s where they put the conditioner on each individual strand of hair and then wrap each strand of hair in foil and then you cross your fingers there’s no lightening) and I had time to process it while listening to nature sounds and being fanned with a giant palm frond as is my way, I said “Of course!”

Here’s the bday gal’s blog write up.

As a side note: isn’t “gal” a funny word? I find gal often is preceded by “neat.” As in: She’s a “neat gal.” I can remember my 7th grade science teacher who was kind of handsome guy describing another teacher that way and then I wondered if he had feelings for this neat gal.

In the last post I said I might be on Geraldo tonight but as it turns out I won’t be. I felt it would be shallow and tragic if I didn’t inform you guys. You know? I felt it would be mercenary and enviable if I just left it at that. Am I making myself clear? I felt it would be autocratic and speedy if I dropped out of sight. Capice? I felt it would be bombastic and screwball if I didn’t follow up. You read me? I felt it would be wet and herb-crusted if I didn’t circle back. You know? I felt it would be hexagonal and steadfast if I didn’t keep you in the loop. You dig? I felt it would be glittery and redolent if I didn’t keep you posted. Okey dokey?

Last night while the rest of the world watched American Idol I showed what a true iconoclast I am by watching an episode of Gossip Girl I’d recorded earlier in the week. The world zigs, I zag. I’m just that rebellious. So here’s what I want to know: why wasn’t Serena wearing a graduation cap? Everyone else was but silly Serena had her tassle tied into her hair. I really don’t think that kind of thing would fly at Constance. If anyone can answer this question for me I promise I will, um, stop asking about it. Otherwise I might just have to ask and ask and ask and ask and it will get really annoying. Unless I just forget about it entirely which is also possible.

I think the sound might not be synced up correctly. Are you noticing that as well? Hm.

Oh and one more thing: where is everyone? where are all my commenters? are you guys having trouble leaving comments or is it just kind of slow right now? If there are problems with the commenting system let me know by semaphore or morse code. Or email me: alisonmrosen [at] gmail [dot] com.

With  Natali Del Conte at Anna David‘s book party. I could tell you more, and oh, I shall, but it’s been a long night made longer by the way I waited for the subway for fucking ever because I’m on a sad little budget and then realized that lo and behold it wasn’t ever going to come. Not ever. At least not between the hours of late and later this month because of late night track work and also it smelled like the worst kind of rotten cheesy feet down there and everyone had their  noses buried in their shirts and it was one of those nights where you pinch yourself because you’re living the dream if the dream is to be struggling in New York waiting for a train that’s never coming while sniffing cheese feet. But before all that it was fun.

What kind of fun? Well Seth Herzog made a joke about putting boots on an octopus, hence ‘pus in boots which is still cracking me up. And Doug Benson was there and then left and then came back, that’s how much fun it was. And I ran into Amelie Gillette with whom I worked on a TV show in Canada and we reminisced about Canada which is never not fun even if mostly what I remember is that it was all early in the morning and dreamlike. But fun! And I drank some coffee late at night. “She’s trying to wake up,” Doug explained. “Yeah, so I can go to sleep,” I further explained, confusing  myself. It totally worked though because now I’m tired and awake!

On that note I’m going to go sit in the corner and rock back and forth while yelling at my shoulder. I might tug at my shirtsleeves too. Then I’ll nervously pick at my face while crying.

Also, wow! Could this photo be any larger? I don’t think so.

Also, I promise I’ll be funny again soon. Any day now.

Okay so I’m at a cafe with my laptop being one of those people who sits at cafes with their laptop getting stuff done. Based on a scientific survey of myself, I can tell you a little about what those people who sit at cafes on their laptops actually get done:

Not much.

I plan to rectify this soon by going parachuting with my laptop. I figure the sensation of the wind whipping through my hair and probably giving me some kind of air wedgie will break this seal of inactivity.

Crap, I just remembered another thing I haven’t done which I need to do: buy a parachuting outfit. What, you think I can parachute in this ballgown? Never again. This is strictly a sitting and looking pretty crinoline.

Did you? Because I sure missed you. I missed you so much that I added the paypal donate button to its own page. I realize that logic is tenuous and you might not realize how my offering you a chance to donate money to me is a sign of how much I miss you but you see, I work in mysterious ways. Just go with it. In exchange for your donations I promise to keep being funny and delightful. Perhaps I could sweeten the deal by promising never to sing? Never to make you eat meringues? Never to cheat on you with other readers? I’m joking however I’m going to start offering media training, speech writing and public speaking coaching services so if you know anyone who needs help getting ready for an engagement, send them my way!

In other news I’m very sleepy and I need to write my McSweeney’s column and last night I ate some shrimp that had heads on them. I removed the heads before eating them but still. Actually, I have more to tell you about the shrimp heads and dinner and a realization I had on the way home which involves retainers but I think I’ll save that for the candlelit dinner I plan to have with all of you tomorrow morning.

I love you.

Do you think that’s a good breezy sign off? I think so too. Or should I go with something more casual like:

Don’t leave me!

It’s cheerful, right? Ends on an up note?