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Have you ever seen those studies where a bunch of words are on a page but they’re missing the vowels or missing every third letter or missing all the letter inside the word or something but still it’s pretty easy to make out the meaning and the whole thing is to illustrate that we only need bits of information and our brains will fill in the rest?

I was thinking about this last night while watching Mad Men. I’m admittedly a latecomer to the show, but if I had to describe it in a word it’s elliptical. And then I started to think that I should try to describe all TV shows in one word and I should start a one-word review web site and then I realized that I’ll probably never do this and I’d rather spend time developing my brilliant cologne that comes in a cell phone shaped bottle called ConeXXXion idea. Don’t steal that idea, folks, unless you want to be a billionaire!

Anyway, most of the time while watching Mad Men I go back and forth between “huh?” and “what?” and yet I’m hooked. Probably more so than if I understood what I was watching.

And it’s probably silly not to mention Lost in this post however I’m silly, you guys!

(Joel Stein wrote a tweet that said “I am still watching Mad Men, but I am no longer understanding Mad Men”) which is what made me remember all this today. Although perhaps he meant it in a less literal sense. Hm.

Mind if I share too much information? I didn’t think so.

So I woke up in the middle of the night sure of two things. 1) I needed to pee. 2) I needed to pee NOW. I wasn’t aware of the third thing, which was that my right leg was totally asleep until I attempted to use it and instead of moving forward, as often happens when you walk, I just sort of stayed in one place and all sorts of weird pins and needles shot around and it was so uncomfortable I couldn’t move. So then I stood there in the dark pinned to the ground but also pretty sure I was going to pee on my leg. I think I might have said “Oh no” a couple times. So then I did what I had to do–there was NO TIME to wait for my leg to wake up– which was basically drag my leg around the apartment hoping I’d make it to the bathroom in time, which I did, but I’m still giving my right leg the silent treatment this morning for not being there for me at such a crucial time.

UPDATE: My leg still feels funny. It just told two knock knock jokes, neither of which were hilarious but I laughed anyway. Sometimes it’s just easier, you know?

Click to enlarge

(I announced on Twitter that I was the “Mayor of not being on @foursquare,” because foursquare is a program where if you go to a location a bunch of times you can become that location’s “mayor” and all the web people in NYC are on foursquare and etc and then fellow Pomona alum Jonathan Vanasco (@2xlp on twitter) said that he was going to make me a location on foursquare and become the mayor of me. AND HE DID!

(Note: that’s not my address, btw)

So I told you guys that one of my precious tweets will be published in
Twitter Wit, right? The book is coming out tomorrow and if you buy it through this link which I’m pasting at the bottom and putting all over this post apparently I will get a wee little cut of the money through Amazon referrals and you know what that means, don’t you? It means I can buy more props for my dumb videos! Leeks ain’t cheap folks. And don’t even get me started on the child’s snorkeling gear. I’m going to have to have a child and live near a swimmable body of water to make that purchase worthwhile.

Anywhoozles, I read the first many pages of this book (looking for my name) and this shit is funny. All sorts of famous people are in it. I heartily endorse it. Please buy it? If you want. No pressure. (But if you do, buy it through this link please. I’m going to go give my piggy bank a pep talk right now. MAKE WAY FOR PENNIES, PIGGY!) (Just kidding. Like I’d name my piggy bank Piggy? What am I, five?) (Her name is Wilbur!)

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0061897272/alisrose-20

Oh and evidently tomorrow is the day when you should buy it because then it’ll get on some bestseller list and we’ll all live happily ever after or something.

Would you rather be….

a) transcribing
b) imbibing
c) climbing (with a cold)
d) vibe-ing someone
e) hibe-ing (it’s how the cool bears say hibernating)
f) flybe-ing (it’s how the cool baseball players refer to catching fly balls)
g) tribe-ing (just, you know, kickin’ it with your tribe)

Take the other pop quiz here

Ok, if you had to be a monger would you rather be a:

a) hate monger

b) fear monger

c) fish monger

d) rumor monger

e) bongo monger (someone who spreads bongos, obviously!)

f) cookie monger

g) high five monger

h) swim goggle monger

i) poodle  monger

j) paddle tennis monger

k) whole grain monger

l) grout and tile monger

m) mustard monger

If I were a hot single insect looking to enjoy some randy bug on bug action before my inevitable death later that evening, I’d get my tiny segmented ass to Brooklyn because from what I can tell, it’s a real meat market for bugs around here. I mean, there are more bugs than strollers in Brooklyn right now, and that’s saying a lot.

In other news, I received something call Splenda Mist—which I purchased on eBay—in the mail a couple days ago. It looks like a small asthma inhaler filled with liquid Splenda. I’m kind of worried about what it means that my Splenda habit is escalating and taking different forms (started with packets, moved on to granular then tablets and now mist). Before long I won’t be content to wait for it to pass into my system via my stomach and will  need a more direct route to my bloodstream. Should Splenda come out with Splenda Poppers I’d surely be on board. From there it’s just a short skip to smoking it in rock form and ultimately injecting it. By that point I’ll be a prostitute though—I’m not sure why, it’s just how I see it playing out—and  I’ll only wear one color: Splenda yellow. Also I’ll live in a Splenda yellow house, which will make me angry all the time. I’ll be an angry whore who’s addicted to Splenda. I can’t wait!

In the meantime I’m loving the Splenda Mist though. Earlier I sprayed it on mustard and ate it plain and I only wish I were joking.

Speaking of disgusting foodstuffs, my sister convinced me to mix raspberry sugar-free jello and lemon sugar-free jello because “raspberry lemonade is really good” and the first couple bites were okay but the last 48 were unpleasant—and I think I’m realizing that I need to keep the citrus out of my jello. In fact, I have half a mind to go throw open my cupboard doors and yell “get out of my jello!” to the citrus flavors that are in there. I also want to yell it into the phone. Also every time I type yell I accidentally type yello. It’s the jello-ification of my mind.

Also last night I dragged Dustin to a party for Bill and Andy from Red Eye’s bdays and filmed us in the cab on the way home which I need to put into a Daily Alison episode and upload. So don’t think I’ve forgotten about you because I haven’t. It’s just that Splenda has become my main focus.

Me: I’m reading a book about WWII and it’s depressing the hell out of me.

Him: Maybe this will cheer you up: I think I’m interviewing Megan Fox. In person!

Me: Oh you know me so well.

A chilling headline from the New York Times.

I was reading this Tim Ferris motivational something or other and it was saying that you choose the thing that’s been on your To Do list the longest and do it first thing in the morning and don’t let yourself take a break or have lunch until you finish it. Tomorrow I won’t be taking a break or having lunch till I publish a book.