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If you can't afford a sandwich alarm

This story from the Post about lunch bags with mold effect on them to prevent coworkers stealing your stuff from the office fridge makes me so happy I no longer work in an office. I’d all but wiped from my memory that particular aspect of office life—the angry emails about purloined yogurt and MIA roast beef sandwiches.

Side note: Am I the only person who stared at the bag Paul grabbed from the refrigerator last night on Mad Men, trying to figure out whose name was written on it? I rewound three times and finally decided it said Paul, though the P looked like an S. Maybe his late night alter ego is named Saul.

Another side note: let’s just say you had a big hunk of cheese in the bag, would the faux mold still be a deterrent?

Another side note (this blog post is a hexagon, methinks): what are some good names for faux mold? fun mold? silly mold? fool’s mold?

Another side note: I’m procrastinating

Another side note: Ok so I was ambitious when I said hexagon.

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Big news! I bought a spaghetti squash.

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Shhhh…. It’s sleeping.

But wait, that’s not all that happened at the store. I also bought unsweetened Coconut Milk

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because they were out of unsweetened Almond Milk.

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Both of which I buy because no one carries Calorie Countdown

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which was my milk of choice. So anyway I’m at the store yesterday asking the guy who works there if they’re out of unsweetened Almond Milk and a woman overhears me and asks why I prefer that specific Almond Milk to another brand. “Oh, it’s that it has fewer calories,” I explain. Then, suddenly realizing that I’m really a vast storehouse of information about faux milk and that it’s my duty to pass along my hard earned wisdom and wow, this woman really couldn’t have stumbled upon a better person to ask, I went on to explain that if you put it in coffee, Blue Diamond won’t chunk up whereas Pacific will. Then I followed her around the store yelling more bits of trivia about milk. I think she appreciated it.

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Answers to questions you may or may not be asking

Hi! I’ll post video from the stand up show as soon as I have it and no, I didn’t make any jokes about men who masturbate near salad bars. It was all new material. Also, I will post more Daily Alison videos and live ustream shows soon too. My parents are here and it’s making all scheduling near impossible and I’m turning into a child. I’m surprised I’ve ever done anything adult by myself.

I’m pretty sure I  had other things to say but I forget what they are now. I’ll ask my mom.

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Another photo from last night's NY Funniest Reporter show

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Back row (L to R): Ed Condron (AM New York), Robert George (NY Post), Nikki Egan (MSNBC), Noelle Hancock, me, Rob Hoell (WPIX), Comic Strip Live owner (I think)

Front (L to R): Carole Montgomery (festival producer), Lori Harfenist (The Resident), Marianne Schaburg (CNN, Good Housekeeping TV)

Ok so I was having fun posting only the terrible photos of me from last night however it lost its fun pretty quickly. I’m so fickle when it comes to me. Sometimes I’ll have a long conversation with myself and then wait for me to say something and then realize I wasn’t even listening.

Anyway, here’s a photo from last night. Marianne Schaburg (bottom right) won 1st place. Noelle Hancock (to the left of me) won 2nd place. Taryn Winter Brill who isn’t in this photo won 3rd. And I wasn’t competing, I was just performing, as  you well know since I won’t shut up about it.

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Site: Todd Jackson | Art Direction: Josh Holtsclaw | Original Logo: Kezilla | Show Music: Tom Rapp