In the city, that is. You may begin rejoicing. Unless you’re on the west coast in which case you may commence hand-wringing, tear-shedding and heavens-railing-at. A friend recently told me that I’d become more LA ever since I moved to New York, by which he meant that I sucked because I didn’t get in touch with him when I was in California. Hm.
I’m on Red Eye tomorrow so don’t forget to cancel all your plans so you can watch it.
Greetings blog readers. Sorry I've been a little MIA it's just that every time I think of you I picture you reading another blog and I thought I could get past it but I can't. Wait, I need to dry heave for a couple minutes and then I need to whimper, sniffle and then violently chop lettuce while wiping my tears on my apron. You break my heart sometimes, you know that? You really do. I'm just glad we never had those half human half blog babies we dreamed about.
Anyway, I just walked down to the water. If I had a camera on my phone I could show you how beautiful it was but since I don't I'll have to use words to paint the picture. here goes:
The water was blue and shiny not unlike my eyes if instead of dancing brown eyes flecked with gold I had eyes that were blue and shiny like the water. The sand was sandy. I don't know this firsthand since I stayed on the sidewalk overlooking the beach, but in my experience sand is sandy and also sometimes it sticks to you. then you go to wash it off and then you take another step and whatever grains of errant sand are on the street cling to your just cleaned and still wet feet. I kind of hate that because I am fastidious in all areas of my life except the way I keep my apartment and the way I live.
While at the water I took a few deep cleansing breaths, thought about what it all meant while getting my head together and then I called a party line because I wanted to talk to attractive singles in my area. Okay, that's not true, but remember those? No? Neither do I.
Also, I think you should know that I'm walking around with my phone in one pocket and my ipod in the other and I think it makes me look a bit like a duck. The fact that I'm quacking every few feet and just laid an egg is beside the point.
I guess that's all for now.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Please spend your memorial day with me at 11:30pm on E!
You’re probably wondering how I feel about the fact that Friday’s episode is airing Monday. At first I was disappointed at having to reschedule the viewing party I’d planned in sixteen different cities across the states. I was going to jump out of a cake in all of them at the same time, which is harder than it sounds, but upon reflection I must admit that I appreciate the two extra days of anonymity this will afford me. I mean, I’m used to living a life that’s slightly better than everyone else’s in the entire world, and I’m used to treatment that’s maybe a hair more professional than say, what you might receive, but at the end of the day I’m still a normal, if extraordinary, person and I have mixed feelings about that changing as it certainly will any minute now.
I’m in California, sipping a pina colada on the beach while my assistant fans me with a palm frond. Seriously, Esmarelda, must you fan so vigorously? Your fervent fanning nearly knocked the pineapple wedge out of my drink! Yes, it’s speared on tiny little sword most likely found next to a tiny little treasure chest—the purloined bounty of rogue pygmy pirates who met some unforeseen and possibly grizzly fate at the hands of something bigger than they were—judging from the size of their weaponry, and its most curious color (translucent yellow, in this case, but these tiny swords have also been found in red, light blue and white. also green), I’d say these pirates could be overtaken by any sort of fist sized fish. A hearty clam could also pose a threat. Anyway, a lot of history in this garnish, so I beseech you to fan with care.
Okay fine, I’m sitting at my parents’ kitchen table. I’m not drinking a pina colada and no one is fanning me. I’m not hot though, so I don’t really need to be fanned. I wouldn’t mind a light breeze.
I haven’t seen it yet but my profile of Evan Handler ran in yesterday’s Page Six Magazine. If you have access to the issue, please read it and let me know what I said. Just kidding, I remember what I said. Anyway, Evan Handler played/plays Harry, Charlotte’s husband, in Sex and the City, lest you are like, “wait, why do I know that name?” And here’s a tidbit/ factoid that didn’t make it into the story (because I didn’t put it in there) : When we went to take our seats at Hugo’s I asked him where he wanted to sit and he chose a seat in front of a bookshelf that had geodes displayed in it. “Ah, you’re keeping your back to the geodes! Very smart,” I said, because sometimes I say things like that. “What?” he asked. I repeated. “Oh! I thought you said I was keeping my back to the jew,” he explained. “Nope. Geodes, geodes,” I said like someone with geological tourettes. They were magnificent geodes, by the way. Sparkly and devout.
I was looking at this photo of Barbara Walters this morning thinking the flower thing on her lapel looks awfully familiar. Then I realized where I’ve seen it. On my computer! It looks just like the puff of smoke icon on a Mac which shows up when you remove an icon from the dock.
Okay, that wasn’t even funny. It’s like I’m not even trying!
I've decided to take my life in my hamds and blog from the elliptical machine. Not only is it probably inteerfering with my workoit but its also intefering with my ability to type om this small keypad. This sentence took m$e thiryt miniutes. Not realluy. Okay, I give up. Score one for the startrac. I hate you vile machine.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
So I go to get ice the other day and I can’t help but notice this strange little ice protuberance extending straight up from one of the ice cubes. It defies physics, or my I-didn’t-actually-take-physics-I-took-chemistry sense of physics. Speaking of taking chemistry though, or just math in general, last night someone joked that they “changed pi” and I actually said “they did?!?!” A hearty laugh was had at my expense and I didn’t have the energy to explain that of course I didn’t really think pi had changed, I just thought maybe some sort of official decision was made about where to cut pi off. That doesn’t really make sense though. But then Avogadro’s number came up and an old college friend whom I hadn’t seen in awhile said that it was 6.02 times ten to the negative twenty fourth and I said that actually it was negative twenty third. None of us went home and had sex that night. Incidentally, I used to fight all trappings of nerdiness when I was younger and yet as an adult I enjoy brief bouts of nerdistry. But while we all remembered once knowing about Avogadro’s number, none of us really remembered what a mole was exactly.
But back to the ice. Isn’t it weird?
I turned the horny cube on its side to try to better capture it. It didn’t work so well but you can sort of make it out.
Earlier we* were making preparations for an upcoming TV thing and I was asked if I’m going to show up to the taping camera ready or if I’ll need hair and makeup. I said that I was born camera ready but that I would need hair and makeup.
Then I saw the call sheet and it said “Full Hair/Makeup” so I think I will take advantage of this opportunity to request a perm and also that they make me look like a cat.
*By the way, I’m not lapsing into the royal we. There was actually another human being involved in this. His name is Ned and he’s invisible. He lives a pencil box on my desk and comes out when I am lonely, scared, or need a pencil.
If you don’t even have a pot to piss in then couldn’t you just use a restroom?
And let’s say all you have is a pot to piss in, wouldn’t it be better to still use the bathroom and save this pot for other things like making soup out of tin cans and newspapers, provided you could find those?
Unless “pot” in this case means toilet, like you don’t even have a toilet to piss in, in which case I would suggest using a Le Creuset 2 3/4 qt. soup pot. They come in an array of colors and according to the web site, “each pot is shaped to promote the natural circulation of the ingredients while simmering, so soups and stews cook evenly.” Imagine what it would do for your urine.
Also, you could toss your hay-pennies into this pot.