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This should be a term for craigslist-inspired wanderlust experienced when looking at craigslist and seeing an apartment that’s cheaper than what you’d planned to spend and has more bedrooms than you figured you’d get but is located in a town you’ve never heard of which is likely far from everything and may be across state lines. This sets off pleasant reverie involving thoughts of saying “what the hell” and picking up and moving to a three bedroom cottage in Setaucket or Weekawken or Mamaroneck because it would be an adventure. Perhaps you could work in a gift shop!

Hi blog readers. I'm writing this from the gym. I basically have to work all weekend and I was planning to work as long as I could today

Whoa, I have to interrupt my own post to say that a man just walked by me, actually I can't even be sure it was a man, it could have been an elk, and now I'm encased in a stench bubble the likes of which I haven't smelled since I was in Europe in a heat wave. Wow. It was kind of unreal. I may pass out.

Anyway, I was saying that I have to work but I decided to come to the gym because I'm all emotionally pent up and I figured coming here and choking on elk fumes would help.

I found out today that I didn't get a job I was hoping for that would have meant I'd be relocating for awhile. The funny thing is at first I saw relocating as a negative but the closer I got the more I began to think it might be nice to live in a lighthouse. It's unusual, for one, and once you get past the constant smell of seagulls and all the Pete's Dragon jokes I imagine it would be a fairly serene way to pass the time.

You're probably surprised that I even consider myself the lighthouse type, but I guess I surprise even myself when it comes to lighthouses. (Only when it comes to lighthouses. Otherwise I'm predictable.)

So it wasn't really a job in a lighthouse. But the good news is that now if any opportunities in lighthouses pop up, I'm free to pursue them.

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So I’m still transcribing but occasionally in the midst of transcribing I’ll quickly jot down a sentence or attribute a quote in a certain way. I just watched the following come out of me:

“Wow ambitious!” someone joshes jokingly.

Is not my favorite way to pass time. In fact if I could have someone else transcribe for me without forfeiting the ”thoughts coming together” process that tends to happen while transcribing I would. Except today the only thoughts coming together involve how much I hate transcribing and how my apartment is a mess and loads of thoughts about apartments and moving and then some thoughts about other websites I could be visiting and hey, is my butt asleep? I’m kind of thirsty. Is it cold in here? I wonder if anyone’s left me any comments lately. Is my phone next to me? I think I left it on vibrate. I have headphones in and what if someone calls me and I don’t hear it because I don’t hear the vibrating. Yeah, I’m kind of thirsty. Maybe I should make sure I have that file of stuff pertaining to this article that I’ll need to refer to later. Am I just procrastinating? Of course I am. God I hate transcribing.

So get this! Ol‘ numero 30 (I had it wrong, it was 30 not 29) is fine! Ship shape! A-okay! The dentist who was 112 but very nice blew cold air on it and banged it with an instrument and even x-rayed it and everything’s going gangbusters for that little molar. Apparently he thinks it was just tooth sensitivity! JUST TOOTH SENSITIVITY! He even felt my glands and listened to my jaw with a stethoscope. He also complimented my bite a few times and I thought he was nearly going to jump out of his chair with delight when I mentioned retainers in passing. Did I bring them, he wanted to know. Regrettably I didn’t, I had to tell him, and at the time I was like “yeah, how silly of me not to have brought my retainers!” however now that I’m back home and away from shelves of plaster teeth moldings and more diplomas and awards and honors than you can imagine, including an autographed picture from Frank Sinatra and some shots of the Pope (he’s a very decorated dentist. Perhaps he invented retainers), it’s occurring to me that I never would have thought to bring them. In fact, the last time I took them anywhere was when I first got them and left them (in their case) in the car of this guy I had a crush on which made me want to die. Sadly, that wouldn’t be the most embarrassing item I’d leave behind.

I'm on my way the the dentist and hoping he's not going to suggest doing anything that's going to make me look like a chipmunk on TV tonight. For example, if he suggests stuffing my cheeks with acorns I will ask if it's vitally important to do that this morning or if I can come back another day and do it. Then I will stamp my tail and burrow. Or whatever it is chipmunks do. Look cute and eat nuts?
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Is it wrong to want to rule out an apartment just because it's a walk-up? The irony is that I'm typing this while at the gym, on the stairclimber. Not really. I'm on the bike. And perhaps if I had to cycle to my apartment I wouldn't be so quick to say no, but the idea of having to climb a number of flights to get home bothers me. What if someone is chasing me and my legs get all noodley/rubbery and I can't push myself any further and I'm carrying sixteen bags of groceries, two cans of hairspray, emergency television makeup, three books, a drink and a lawnchair and I slip? That would never happen as I would never carry a lawn chair. But this is reason five million and twelve why looking for an apartment when it's hot and summertime is stupid. Maybe I wouldn't mind stairs in the winter. Anyone? Weigh in please.
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…however I seem to have gotten sucked into Date My Ex: Jo and Slade.
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We had to cut the Monopoly game short so I can go to sleep and be coherent tomorrow but that's quite alright because I was losing anyway. Perhaps I angered the Monopoly gods when I placed the top hat on my head, picked up the iron in my right hand and the dog in my left and announced, 'Hi, I'm here to iron your dog.'
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I'm playing Monopoly. I'm getting gouged I tell you!
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