What I learned this morning? Those product display tables are pretty light/flimsy. If you watch closely you can see where I nearly pushed the thing over because I am very graceful.
Archive | TV
Hey look, it's me… again!
There’s a lot of me on TV Saturday night/Sunday morning, in fact I feel slightly obnoxious pointing it out, which is weird because I’m all about talking about myself. I feel it’s my duty. Plus, I enjoy it. So I don’t really know what this sudden bashfulness is, but I know it feels foreign and I don’t like it one bit. Shall my horn go untooted? I think not.
Now, to the TV:
I’m on Chelsea Lately at 11:30pm and 2:30am on E!
Red Eye at 2am ET/11pm PT on Fox News Channel
Weekend Today in New York at 7:40am on channel 4 (WNBC-TV)
Chelsea Lately and Red Eye are repeats, but maybe I’ll say something different this time.
Listen to me cough on Paltalk yesterday
Here’s the first seven minutes of my interview yesterday on the Diana Falzone show on Paltalk. A word of warning, don’t turn the volume up all the way at the beginning when it starts playing and you don’t hear anything because suddenly the music will start and it will blow your eardrums out your ears and they will splatter on the walls and then you will have no eardrums and without eardrums you [pause while I figure out what exactly will happen]
Without eardrums, you will have no rhythm section inside your ears.
Also, as the music came on, Diana said “I like to dance to the music” and you can see for a split second I kind of considered it and then thought better of it, my moves being so good that I would probably make her look bad in comparison which isn’t really a nice thing to do. It is her show, after all.
And special note to ToddRod: Yes, I am wearing The Shirt. But I’d only worn it twice on TV prior to this. (Once on Red Eye and once on F&F.)
My reel is updated
look at all the newish and improved content! what’s that you say? you don’t see it yet? patience, my little soft tacos.
Some shots from Friday night's Red Eye
1) Here I am smiling even though I was low. I mean, I’m not sure I was low, but even if I were I would be smiling. Even with a turkey that I know will fold! (I just looked up the lyrics to “There’s No Business Like Show Business”… it totally describes no part of my life. Foldable turkeys? Stealing bows? Butchers who are secretly unhappy because they get no applause? Angels coming from everywhere with lots of jack? What an absurd song!
First of all, it’s pretty hard to steal a bow unless you’re stealing the whole ship and who does that these days? Where would you keep it? That really only applies to people who have access to the open seas and that’s not me. Secondly, I would definitely clap for a butcher who could procure me a foldable turkey. And finally, I don’t even believe in angels but if I did I certainly don’t think they’d be carrying whiskey. I don’t even think they could drink with all the harp playing, so the idea that they’re flapping around playing harps and hitting the sauce is pretty ludicrous. But despite all that weighing on me, I smiled.
2) Here I am saying Pfleger sounds like Bobcat Golthwait, because he does.
I also was going to say that the relationship between Pfleger and Obama is tenuous at best and that I think holding Obama responsible for things Pfleger says is like if a Red Eye viewer ran for office and was held responsible for something a guest on the show once said. But then I didn’t say that because I was busy talking about my belief that the words “I apologize” are never sincere. “I’m sorry,” yes. But “I apologize,” no. Feel free to disagree with me. (I kind of shoehorned that in there since Pfleger actually said “I regret,” but apparently I’m passionate about fake apologies.)
3) Here I am facing a hard truth. I always thought my left side (seen above) was my better one but apparently I look great from BOTH sides.
4) Here I am answering Greg’s question about urine before discussing my personal shift to a zero-day work week.
5) Here’s where Greg and I talked to our giant kids about drugs. It seemed to be going in one ear and out the other, but I’m just hoping that on some level some of it sunk in.
6) And here’s where Greg was incredulous while I looked on disapprovingly.
It can't be a good sign…
When you find yourself thinking, “Instead of doing any work today… maybe I’ll just watch The Muppet Movie.”
a) I don’t even own The Muppet Movie
b) I’m not some crazed muppets fan, lest you get the wrong idea
c) see, I was looking at the wikipedia page for Emmett Otter’s Jug Band Christmas, because, well, I forget what exactly I was trying to find. I was in one of those internet K holes
d) and that’s when the thought occurred to me: The Muppet Movie
e) but I mean, it’s ludicrous because were I to forgo productivity for muppets, clearly I’d want to watch The Great Muppet Caper or Muppets Take Manhattan
f) forgo is not spelled forego. I just learned that thanks to dynamic spellcheck
g) isn’t dynamic a bit hyperbolic? interesting, sure. but I wouldn’t say dynamic
h) “dynamic skiing!” that’s what this ski instructor who gave my sister and me ski lessons used to say is what we were going to achieve if we kept up with various embarrassing exercises and mantras. the exercises were things like, on the chair lift, holding your legs straight out and then turning your skis to the left and then to the right. the mantras were things like “hug the mountain” which is what you’re supposed to do on your way down to keep your upper body in the right position
i) I misunderstood though and was arrested
j) the mountain was asking for it
k) unbelievable moguls. curves that went for miles.
l) would I do it all over again? hell yes!
m) throw the book at me, lock me up forever, do what you will, I don’t care, that mountain and I are IN LOVE and maybe we can’t be together in this lifetime, but somewhere, somehow, I will be Mrs. “Ed’s Shortcut.”
n) I feel a little nauseous
o) maybe it’s this “moose crunch” flavored coffee which was a gift and which doesn’t even taste like moose
p) oh, in the comments, someone pointed out that I’m often seen on TV with an Au Bon Pain cup. Those are the cups they have at Fox in all the green rooms. Plus the yellow of the cup brings out the gold flecks in my eyes.
q) some shows don’t want the cups visible, others are more laissez faire about it all
r) one time I showed up in a dress made entirely of Au Bon Pain cups
s) thank God it wasn’t raining that day or else I probably wouldn’t have been able to move. I would just been stuck there, like a creature in a tar pit of my own making
Screen grabs from Hannity & Colmes? Well, if you insist…
Hannity & Colmes segment
Malone over at The Activity Pit uploaded this video. He edited it down to showcase me because I’m lovely. Perhaps I will upload the full extended segment at some point. Or perhaps I won’t. I’m unpredictable like that:
This just in: I'll be on Hannity & Colmes tonight
9:30pm Eastern time tonight on FNC!