Elated and then scared and then exhilarated and then freaked out and then peppy and then nervous and then jumpy and then hesitant and then bucolic and then urban and then sinuous and then puffy and then viscous and then runny and are you still reading this? I stopped awhile ago. Also, I wrote my favorite ever Red Eye intro that won’t ever see air, and for good reason probably, since it’s highly offensive. But anyway: “[She’s so smart] if brains were a baptismal, I’d put a baby in her in church.”
Archive | Red Eye
the difference a professional editor can make
I have a fancy reel… because I’m fancy!
Tobey, bricks, Top Shaman
Wendy and I put up a new post today. Perhaps you’ve already read it. If you haven’t, head over there to take in my inability to speak my mind over very small things involving people I don’t know that well. Fun! Other things going on? Well I haven’t received my daily Tobey update so I don’t know if he’s still trying to eat bricks, which is not a euphemism for eating his euphemistic Tobeys, but apparently he was actually trying to eat bricks yesterday. Naturally, I think this is cute (from 3000 miles away). So mom, if you’re reading this: Tobey update and photos and video, please! Tobey should have his own blog, really.
Also, a whole lot of stuff gets said during the commercial breaks while filming Red Eye and I always think I should remember it so I can repeat it here and note the way you probably had to be there. Last night I told Dr. Baden I’d enjoyed a nutritive enema* during the break and then I resumed my original seat (I’d vacated the seat so he could sit there during his segment). While waiting for filming to begin again Bill said something about someone being a showman. Greg said “and a shaman!” right as I said roughly the same thing. Bill looked disgusted and I have to admit I also had that sinking feeling that comes when two great minds produce less than one joke. Or maybe it was that I then mentioned Jim Morrison. Then Greg started joking about Top Shaman and also talking about Top Ramen and I said something about prophetic noodles.
*it was something he’d talked about in his segment, not something I enjoyed during the break
letters? send them!
Greetings lovelies. I just got back from doing Red Eye. At the table and everything! Today was crazy so I apologize for the lag in posting comments! Thank you Ted for your brainteasers! I got the ONE WORD one but the shark one stumped me. More brainteasers! And now, a request: if you like the movie segment I’ve been doing and want to see it continue please please please email redeye [at] foxnews.com and say as much. Then get your friends to write in (if they sincerely like it too). Lots of letters! Oodles of letters! I will be forever grateful!
Also, I passed Tonya Reiman, the real body language expert (from O’Reilly) in the lobby tonight and she smiled at me and I thought “Hi. I’ve parodied you.” It was a weird little moment. Also, she’s quite statuesque. As is Megyn Kelly. And Angelica Bridges, who was on the show tonight.
I guess that’s all.
Crapload of clips (from a bunch of shows)
Look, it’s ME-bonanza! A festival of ME! A ME-palooza! A Me-varee! A ME-ding! A ME-splosion! I could keep going. Also, completely unrelated, I was thinking lately how much I enjoy brainteasers and riddles and things so if you know any, leave them in the comments!
"Alison at the Movies"
Also adorable!
Tobey
And in a special shout out to Red Eye fans, here’s one where Tobey looks unbelievably like imaginary dog-cat hybrid Fluffy McNutter:
Dear New Hampshire,
I enjoyed you, kind of, when I spent three days on your Loon mountain at a Christian rock concert which I was writing about for a magazine (Seventeen, if you must know). Also, I enjoyed you when I went back about a month later for a wedding. In particular, I was tickled by your love of moose knick knacks. I don’t share your passion for moose, but if I did, I would definitely visit you to get my fill of Moosenalia, which I think is the name of one of your stores. Probably because Moose Crap was already taken. BUT I DON’T APPRECIATE THE WAY YOU’RE CAUSING TUESDAY’S RED EYE EPISODE, UPON WHICH I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE APPEARING, TO BE CANCELED.
Alison
And here's my movie segment from last night's Red Eye
If you get bored just scroll ahead to the post-game wrap up part! Also, I’m noticing I lapse into this strange way of speaking when I do these segments (these and the body language ones). It’s my smarmy and somewhat clipped faux official news voice. The first thing to go, apparently, are the contractions.
My Best Bets segment from this morning
I’m wearing the same makeup in this segment (toned down a little and cleaned up) that I was on Red Eye last night because I was too tired to take it off only to be putting it all back on in the span of a few hours. But whenever I do this I end up sleeping like a little mummy because I’m trying not to move so the extra sleep I think I’m going to get by leaving the makeup on is canceled out by the fact that I don’t sleep well in it. My hair was delightfully styled here by the woman who regularly does Regis and Kelly’s hair but was filling in at NBC because Regis and Kelly is on hiatus. I was far too excited by my hair’s brush with greatness! (oh no I did not!!!!!!)(that was an unintended pun! even when I’m on/off I’m on/off!)