Tobey on his little bed with a toy
Archive | dogs
I'm in CA
Sorry readers, didn’t mean to be so cryptic. Or did I?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Anyway, I’m back in California playing guitar at another wedding. Not really. I’m getting my hair straightened. Not really, I’m here for work. I thought it would be super awesome but now that I’m by the beach and on deadline(s) I’m realizing that I wish I were just on vacation! Not that I like the beach, but that the beach makes you want to be on vacation.
Could I possibly say and then negate anything more in the above paragraph? No. Get it?
I was thinking about liveblogging the flight, except I wouldn’t be able to truly liveblog it since you have to turn off the internal transmitters of the [this is where my brain tunes out] but anyway, the things I would have said were:
1. I found a loogie sitting on the floor of the airplane bathroom. I thought of cleaning it up, and then decided that I didn’t want to come in that close contact with it. Instead I had to basically do this uncomfortable hopping gyrating thing to move around in there so as to avoid accidentally dragging a shoelace through said throat snot. Just thinking about it makes me want to retch.
2. okay, maybe it was a small puddle of soapy water
3. I’m not sure though
4. it was about two inches from the toilet. I don’t even want to think about what it was.
5. Foamy urine?
6. ugh
7. Hell’s Kitchen is entertaining. I’d never seen it before. But Bobby? Infuriating!
8. Real Housewives of NYC is kind of boring.
9. Six hours and 17 minutes flying time is long time to try to get into a show.
10. The male flight attendant smelled good. First I thought he was albino and I was thinking that were I liveblogging this I would say that the flight attendant is albino, and I wonder if that’s good luck. But by the end of the flight I’d totally come around to realizing he both had pigment and smelled good.
11. I really liked that band Belly. Liked/like. I was listening to King on the plane which I recently found and put on my iPod and then I was thinking that I listened to this album 13 years ago or something and am I a relic? Are my tastes fossilized? I liked/like Throwing Muses too and I still list them when people ask about my favorite bands, but I’d forgotten about Belly.
12. So then I decided to listen to Whatever Hits from the 90s or whatever it’s called. But I only listened to a couple songs. I had to scroll past a lot of them.
13. I’m procrastinating.
14. I mean, the funny thing is that I don’t even really like girl singers, or in the old days I didn’t. With the exception of Kristin Hersh and Tanya Donnelly.
15. The old days being before I started playing in a band because I think that changed my tastes.
16. Tobey is as cute as ever, in case you’re wondering.
17. Fred the Jade Plant and Rita the Golden Pothos (yes, I have another houseplant. I was waiting for the right time to tell you. Number 17 is as good a time as any) are doing well, for those who asked.
18. “Wouch” or “WOWCH” is what you should say when someone surprises you by saying something insulting. (wow + ouch)
19. Guyvice is when a guy offers you guy advice (guy + advice) except I was recently told that “guyvice sounds like a device to make my head explode.”
Adorable Tobey, less adorable green cabinets
Cutest Tobey video ever
This is Tobey sitting in the chair with my dad watching TV. I’m thinking it must be All My Children in the background. And you can hear my mom talking to Tobey. And then one of the characters on TV says “Hi honey!” after my mom says “Hi Tobey.” It’s kind of confusing but the important thing to notice is his adorable feet. Also, his manly hair bow.
I've come to care
…way too much about Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. He’s just so sage and knowing. And calm and serene. I interviewed him once. It was him and Adam Corolla. It was at the MTV Music Awards in 1997, back when I was 14. (Did I mention I’m 24? Because I’m not.) They were joking about Madonna’s sudden British accent. Maybe it was 1998? Anyway, the point is that I hope Jeff Conway pulls through! Also, I search longingly through my DVR’s “search by title” function for new episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. The title is my go-to joke when I need to make fun of silly reality shows, which apparently is often, but between you and me there is nothing joking about my strange obsession with the show. I think it was from watching with bewildered curiosity the episode “Dude you’re so pregnant” or whatever it was called. That guy that she almost married–such insouciant douchiness! And those cute puppies! And the way Bruce Jenner always looks taken aback because his face has been pulled into a permanent expression of surprise. What does insouciant mean? That’s one of those words I repeatedly look up and forget. My brain refuses to latch on.
Also, my friend Rob got a dog. Rob and I were talking to each other recently at a party about how we both want to get dogs and are dangerously close to it and then he off and did it! The same dog he was talking about at the party that he’d seen on the internet! He is my hero for he is brave and not afraid to get a dog. Not that there’s anything lacking in my relationship with Fred The Jade Plant though, because I experienced something close to vegetable nirvana earlier.
puppies, cash, two weeks notice
The following was sent to the staff to announce my decision to go freelance. Now there’s actually a voice in my head telling me not to post an internal memo, but this one is so nice that I’d like to tattoo it on a butt cheek, except then I’d have trouble reading it:
“After 3+ glorious years providing TONY with one of its more distinct and stylish voices, in everything from music reviews to Ed Koch exposés, Alison Rosen is moving on. She’s jumping into the freelance waters and will remain actively involved as a contributor to TONY, but we’ll miss her breezy way with words, quick wit, and masochistic eagerness to get up at 5am every Saturday morning to do TV for TONY. Her last day is 1/31. Please join me in wishing her well and demanding that she not lose touch.”
So, you’re likely wondering why I’m doing this and what I’m doing next. I will keep you posted.
If anyone would like to give me a mountain of cash and a puppy, I would entertain that offer.
Tobey, bricks, Top Shaman
Wendy and I put up a new post today. Perhaps you’ve already read it. If you haven’t, head over there to take in my inability to speak my mind over very small things involving people I don’t know that well. Fun! Other things going on? Well I haven’t received my daily Tobey update so I don’t know if he’s still trying to eat bricks, which is not a euphemism for eating his euphemistic Tobeys, but apparently he was actually trying to eat bricks yesterday. Naturally, I think this is cute (from 3000 miles away). So mom, if you’re reading this: Tobey update and photos and video, please! Tobey should have his own blog, really.
Also, a whole lot of stuff gets said during the commercial breaks while filming Red Eye and I always think I should remember it so I can repeat it here and note the way you probably had to be there. Last night I told Dr. Baden I’d enjoyed a nutritive enema* during the break and then I resumed my original seat (I’d vacated the seat so he could sit there during his segment). While waiting for filming to begin again Bill said something about someone being a showman. Greg said “and a shaman!” right as I said roughly the same thing. Bill looked disgusted and I have to admit I also had that sinking feeling that comes when two great minds produce less than one joke. Or maybe it was that I then mentioned Jim Morrison. Then Greg started joking about Top Shaman and also talking about Top Ramen and I said something about prophetic noodles.
*it was something he’d talked about in his segment, not something I enjoyed during the break
Also adorable!
Tobey
And in a special shout out to Red Eye fans, here’s one where Tobey looks unbelievably like imaginary dog-cat hybrid Fluffy McNutter:
Still eating his tobeys, but less frequently
Tobey hanging out on my dad’s shoe.
Jetlagged
My flight was delayed and I got in super late last night. This is how I feel (below). Also, there was a guy few seats behind me who had a dog in a carrier and I kept looking back and sneaking glances. Then I hovered near him and did the same thing at baggage claim. He probably thought I was a creepy dognapper. Dogs… naps… Um, anyway I think I need to get one of my own.
