Jeff Ross roasted my shirt.
Also and completely unrelated, I bought a bed! Went to the store, did some comparison napping, made up my mind and have only been questioning my decision…. well, I think we need a way to measure degrees of decision questioning… on a scale of 1 to 6 I’d say I’m at a 2, which is low for me. I also think I usually come up with better scales and 1 to 6 is pretty uncreative. Hm.
Shaycarl and KassemG and I talked about colonics. But not JUST colonics.
Here I am talking about Tim Ferriss and hogging the camera
So Tim Ferriss was supposed to be in this promo video but he had to leave so I did it myself and at a certain point realized I was acting as if I was doing a vlog in my bedroom as opposed to doing a promo video at the studio. The difference is nudity, by the way. (I forgot to take it all off in this one.) And apparently I love you.
The Workaholics guys and I talk about evil dicks
Also, my hairtenna is out of control. Also, someone wrote something shitty about me on the message board so I responded “ouch” and I instantly regretted having chosen that as the thing to respond to when there are so many nice things people say. So why did I do it? I don’t know, I think it was as a way of saying, “Hello, I’m a human being with actual feelings who reads this stuff.” But still.
Latest Excerpt: What I'd Expect if I Were Expecting
What I’d Expect If I Were Expecting is the pregnancy memoir I’m writing ahead of time since if I ever get pregnant and have kids I’ll have no time to write. Periodically I read excerpts on The Adam Carolla Show. Here’s the most recent one.
Yesterday I burped while watching Rizzoli and Isles so I called my doctor to make sure that was normal for a woman in my state. She, thank you very much, said it was perfectly normal and asked, again, that I please stop calling her on her emergency line. Speaking of emergencies, I can no longer fit into my medium size Juicy sweatpants and don’t even get me started on my Seven for All Mankind Jeans. More like seven sizes too small jeans. Or seven levels of frustration jeans. Or the seven jeans you’d meet in hell jeans. Or seven habits of highly effective jeans, none of which are to fit, evidently, or seven jeans for seven brothers if the seven brothers are the seven dwarves. The only way I could wear them would be to buy another pair of sevens and wear one pair on each leg and walk around like conjoined twins, each of whom has one bad leg but still buys regular pants. At this rate I will have nothing to wear by my third or fourth trimester.
Upcoming chapters include:
Crapping myself while giving birth: How much are we talking and should I give a shit?
Placenta Pie and Other Recipes
“Watch me pull a baby out of your hooha” –The Curious Case of the Magician Obstetrician
Dr. Bruce and I talked about butts! And other stuff!
After the Adam Carolla Show vlog 9/8/11
Promo video for show where we take your calls
Eat your heart out, Stanislavksy!
After the Adam Carolla Show vlog 9/1/11
I’m a regular Bob Ross. Also: strongly doubting whether I should have uploaded this.