Oh, don't try to dress it up, France.
The yellow plant is survived by the pink and red plants
Still, there’s a yellow-plant shaped hole in my heart.
Moment of silence for this unnamed plant
On the next Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend
So because Jon Stewart clearly hates my hair, my friend who’s a producer for The Daily Show who’s supposed to cut my hair on air has to reschedule AGAIN because this time he’s flying to Atlanta or some such. “Like hell you are!” I yelled into my hairbrush, after applying a quarter-sized dollop of styling gel from my roots to my split ends. Then I bent over and blew all my hair forward and then straight up, like DJ Paulie D from Jersey Shore. It looked good.
So this week I will have my pal Koryn Kennedy IN STUDIO. She is a former Maxim radio “Emergency Hot Chick” which means she’s both hot and good with dispensing relationship/dating advice. She’s also a sometime voiceover artist and can do all sorts of crazy voices and accents which is secretly why I want her on the show, because I find that endlessly entertaining since I can only do zero accents. In addition to looking hot and impersonating Bostonians, Koryn works at Marie Claire as a writer and editor.
But that’s not all. We’ll also be talking to Dustin later in the show and I’ll be unveiling a brand spanking new segment which involves a quiz. I think you’ll find it fun. If not, I’ll hunt you down and kill you.
And we might do our second fan phone call or we might do that the following week. I haven’t decided if that’s a weekly thing or a biweekly thing or a triweekly thing or a monthly thing. Feel free to weigh in.
And RSVP for the show why don’t you! Also, tell all your friends! Yay!
Catch all this hot action on Wednesday at 10pm EST/7pm PST.
I have a fancy puff
On the last Ustream show there seemed to be some concern regarding my lack of exfoliation. Well, look at me now.
Whither my socks?
What are the chances the laundry place is systematically “disappearing” my socks, one at a time, in a perverse effort to make me think I’m losing my mind… and also my socks? I don’t mean to point fingers, but I really feel the rate of return on my socks is low. Which begs the question, what are they doing with my socks? Are they tying them together and creating a zip line to get across the street? Are they starching the shit out of them and then using them as crude shovels to tunnel a way out? Are they filling them with potting soil and growing Gerbera? (You may know it as the common daisy, typically grown in stolen socks.) Please send answers. And socks.
UPDATE: I just want to add that I’m aware the whole “are my socks disappearing in the dryer” thing has been done before however I’m suggesting they are getting STOLEN, not just lost, hence my spin on this is obviously new, novel and edgy. Plus, I’m literally missing socks, which means my comedy is rooted in truth. I’m like the Mort Sahl of hosiery.
Morning duckling
A friend sent this to me. Naturally I had to share. And by the way, the title is "morning duckling" as in "a duckling in the morning" however it could also be read as "good morning, duckling!"
Highlights
I mentioned this on Twitter last night but just wanted to make sure you guys know that anyone can make highlights on the Ustream videos so if you have a favorite part of an episode that you want everyone to see, feel free to get on in there and designate it!
Also, just wanted to send a big special thank you to all of you for being so awesome in both the funny and the more serious moments.
Picture of a duckling? Ok!
Picture of me on Red Eye from the collection of pictures on my desktop which I haven’t yet put on my blog? Ok!
Look how emphatic I am! Feisty!
Another? Fine, if you insist.
And by the way, that shirt is green, not blue. I don’t know why it looks blue.