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Phone-a-fan details!

By on April 6, 2010 in Ustream

You know what I need? Some kind of show wiki. In lieu of that, a show website. In lieu of that, just somewhere to go to get info about the show like a page. I need to get on that. In the meantime I’ll just regurgitate the info and spit it into your mouth like a bird, because who doesn’t love birds? Especially birds with info?

Here’s the phone-a-fan details  you need to know, should you want a piece of this action, which you pretty much do:

Okay my little quesadillas, this is how it’s going to go down. Instead of having the last fan choose who the next fan to receive a call on the show is, I’m thinking everyone who wants to get a call should send me their info and I will put all of it in a hat although it’s quite possible it won’t really be a hat and instead it will be a double boiler or a shoe.

If I call you and you don’t answer, I will pull another name out of the hat and you will silently curse your cruel fate.

So send me your name and number (I fear this request sounds creepy but I assure you I will not do anything with your numbers other than put them in said shoe or hat or boiler) to alisonrosenisyournewbestfriend at gmail dot com and you will be entered into lifechanging phone call territory. Speaking of territory, for now this is limited to the continental US because I can’t afford to call other places because that’s the kind of show I’m doing: a cheap one. BUT I LOVE YOU ALL!

And tune the fuck in for amazingness times a zillion.

Also on tomorrow’s show, awesome guests. I’m putting the final touches on the awesomeness now, so I don’t want to say for sure, because it’s not for sure, but then nothing in this world is. Except my love for you. That is rock solid. And the fact that I can only handle TV makeup on my face for so long before I want to peel it off or punch someone. See you tomorrow! Or later tonight!

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On tonight's Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend

By on March 31, 2010 in Ustream

Tonight’s show is a mere five hours away! Can you even hardly wait? My stomach is full of butterflies and my to-do lists are full of notes. Seriously, I don’t know how this is happening but instead of getting stuff done, I’m just generating lists. Perhaps my guest Andrew W.K. can help me with said problem because in addition to being a rock star he’s a motivational speaker and a club owner and a party maven. Seriously, he posts party tips on twitter often and they are both funny and profound.

So I have this idea that I want to have a BATTLE OF THE FANS with him where we pit our fans against one another because everyone loves a competition including me. I win! I just won, you guys! I didn’t even know I was playing!

I’m trying to figure out the best way to do this. Option 1: somehow I get one of my fans on the phone and one of his fans and then we quiz them. Option 2: We ask questions and fans chime in in the chat room and we see whose fans take longer to respond. If anyone has a feeling about which way would be better, make that feeling known. I think they both will work. But regardless, you should all be brushing up on your Rosen vs. W.K. trivia.

And also, I will phone-a-fan! And Koryn will stop by! And Dustin will be here! And there will be deleted tweets! And Just Me Or Everyone? And TV Time! And results from week 4 of The Dating Experiment! And a new song!

And I shouldn’t be the only one whose dating life is public and pitiful. If you’re having trouble finding that special someone, write in to the show and explain your situation and I will help you find love because that’s what best friends do. Or at the very least I will maybe read your email on the air. Hey, that’s something! Write to: alisonrosenisyournewbestfriend [at] gmail [dot] com. Put “I’m a catch” in the subject line. Do it! It will feel good.

And I’m happy to announce my second sponsor! It’s Saxton Manufacturing Co. They make ecofriendly water treatment products and ecofriendly water softeners and they also make drinking water filtration systems and they also used to have a duck named Quackers that wore a bonnet. And they won an Oscar for the design and manufacture of a silver recovery system for the motion picture industry! But back to the duck, they had to release the duck in a nearby park eventually because it was making too much noise and neighbors were complaining! But Quackers didn’t want to leave her human family. It’s so sad! (Eventually it worked out and Quackers went on to lead a wonderful life in the park with other ducks, I am sure!)

Saxton Manufacturing Co doesn’t normally sell directly to the end user (that’s you) but because they want to do a nice thing for the viewers of  my show, they’ll hook you up with whatever system you need at dealer cost which is roughly 60% off list. So if your water is bugging you, now you know who to call. In fact, I think that should be their slogan. For more info or for free hard water testing strips (I want these just to play with) email Saxtonar [at] gmail [dot] com and say you watch my show!

Man alive I am good at sales! I  just cold called myself and closed like six deals. Then I wheeled and dealed for an additional twenty minutes and then I won employee of the month! (That’s where they send you a different employee each month.)

Okay, see you tonight!!!!

Oh and also, I will be on Red Eye tomorrow, so write that shit down.

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The minutia filled post from yesterday regarding street pizza

By on March 29, 2010 in Uncategorized

Ok so remember yesterday how I promised a post filled with minutia and then I left you high and dry with some videos to watch but zero minutia? It was a classic bait-and-switch. I promised minutia and then tucked in my shingle, threw up some videos and called it a night. I dangled minutia in your face and then pulled up stakes, gave you some videos, and said sayonara. I baked you a minutia cake and then when you weren’t looking I replaced with a platter of crispy fried videos and also went to bed. I  think you get what I’m saying. And what exactly does one do with a shingle? Remove a shingle? Put away a shingle? I’m perplexed.



So anyway, here’s the streamlined version of the ‘tia (that’s what I’ve decided I’m going to be calling minutia from here on out in this post). The minu’ (I’m such a liar!) being streamlined because it’s less fresh in my head than it would have been yesterday if I’d just blogged right when I got home as opposed to now when just the main details are sticking in my head. There’s an argurment that just the important parts are what will have stayed with me and in essence I’m doing you all a favor because I’m giving you a naturally edited version however I think that’s pure bunk. I think it’s malarkey. I think it’s baloney. And balogna. I think it’s hogwash on a shit shingle (shingle!). I think it’s crap and it’s drivel and it’s junk and it reeks to high heaven. I don’t really, I just felt like getting carried away and that seemed like as good a reason as any.

So here’s what happened, minus the rambling preamble which I would have attached  yesterday but plus a different rambling preamble which I just wrote regarding shingles and things that are false.

So I’m walking home from the grocery store and I see a perfectly perforated pizza crust—I mean, it’s clear whoever ate this piece of pizza DID NOT WANT CRUST—just sitting in the middle of the street. My first thought is that I should take a photo and make a blog post and refer to it as “Street carbs!” which isn’t that funny however it was all happening so fast. But then a ways ahead sitting in a chair outside the laundromat was this guy whom I met a zillion years ago who probably has no idea who I am and also probably has no idea that not only do I know who he is but I know who his wife is and I know the publications they both work or worked for and I knew who they both were before they were married and from afar I watched them become one and have a baby and apparently they live in my neighborhood because I’ve been pretending I don’t see them every time I see them which is often. Because, see, they were further along in their respective writing careers than I was when I first moved to New York, which is roughly when I met them, separately, and so apparently that kind of thing has stuck with me which is why now, 8 years later when I’m well aware most everyone feels like a failure and like they didn’t live up to their promise and the irony is that the perception of me and where I am in my career is really the opposite, seeing as how I pose in glittery sweaters and am just all kinds of fancy (I am. I really am. I’m not going to deny it.) Uh-oh, that thing happened where I got lost in my own run-on sentence. I think I was saying that 8 years or something have passed but still I can’t be seen snapping a photo of pizza in the street in front of someone I’m pretending not to recognize who likely has no idea who I am or every idea who I am which, if all people are kind of the same, he does. Surely I can’t be the only media person in New York who knows who everyone else is. Possibly I’m the only one who finds this somehow inhibits taking photos of pizza though.

To be honest, I feel like I’ve become highly avoidant of interactions with real human beings. It’s too hot and immediate. Exhibit B? Today at the post office I saw someone who looked familiar and I couldn’t place him but I had a weird feeling, like this person was definitely not a neighborhood person and yet I definitely knew him somehow. So I stood there trying to place him, feeling like he was possibly going to spin around and see me and since I couldn’t figure out from where I knew him and if it was a good or bad knowing, and also because there was a line, I turned around and decided I’d come back later. A few steps away I realized he’d done my makeup before, and I liked him and liked his work, so I went back to the post office…. where I didn’t say hi to him.

I did, however, think to myself, “I should blog that.”

Having now done so, I’m wondering if that wasn’t a great idea.

In other news, I’m an incredibly confident person who isn’t bothered by little things like all of the above. I just made all that up so I would seem human and sort of flawed. Hope it worked!

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