As you likely know from the way I’ve been in your face about it, I’m now selling ARIYNBF tshirts with the Kez logo on them. They’re perfection in tshirt form. The downside is that I have a box full of tshirts and a pile of bubble wrap mailers and another pile of some other kind of mailer and envelopes of assorted sizes and sheets of paper and also photos and buttons and stamps and construction paper and trash and none of it is doing itself.

It’s weird, you would think my sitting on the couch and giving the shirts space to really be themselves and do what they need to do would have a positive effect but instead, nada. “Look alive!” I yelled at the tshirts yesterday, blowing into a whistle and jogging in place. “You, yeah, you!” I brayed, poking one of the shirts in the chest. “What are you waiting for, an invitation? DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY AND THEN GET INTO AN ENVELOPE!” I shouted. I haven’t seen such a bunch of sorry little girls since I coached a fleet of collector’s buttons into bubble wrap a few weeks ago. It drove me to drink, so I sucked down some diet soda and then threw an energy bar over my left shoulder and rubbed chalk all over my hands and put a bunch of balls in a mesh bag. Then I inspected my shoes for termites, shaved my head for team spirit, injected some steroids into an orange (it’s a science experiment I’m performing), rubbed some grease paint under the picture of my eyes on the tshirt and then ordered everyone into the showers where the shirts began snapping themselves at one another. Again I had to blow my whistle. “Am I coaching or babysitting here? Rub some dirt in it!” I yelled, dabbing Gatorade behind my ears. I don’t get paid enough.

Here’s the base of operation:

Tom Rapp made these cool videos revealing how he puts together the songs for my show. Also revealing my short-lived new hat trend. In this one he’s working on “Things You Never Hear People Say.” Part 1 is above. Here’s Part 2.

Alfred Schulz shares some things you never hear people say on the April 28, 2010 episode of Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend.

Tom Rapp wrote/performed theme song and lyrics. KEZ designed the logo.

Tonight’s show is 25 pounds of awesome in a 10 pound bag. I actually have no idea what that means. Does it mean there’s awesome overflowing from the unfortunately small bag which someone lacked the foresight to realize wouldn’t sufficiently cradle the quantity of awesome happening tonight? Or does it mean the awesomeness is crammed down into the bag and will explode out of the bag, as if it’s under pressure? Or does it mean there’s a sort of awesomeness muffintop being created by the too small bag plus too big awesomeness?

I’m not sure but Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen whose name I misspell each time I try to write it will be here to talk about Real Housewives of New York City and their new book, Little Kids, Big City.

*Got questions for Alex and Simon? Post them  here and I’ll try to ask during the show tonight! (Of course you can and should also ask questions in the chat room!!)

Also on tonight’s humdinger of a show is Youtube personality Olga Kay. She’s hilarious. (*Post questions for her here!)

Also on tonight’s wazoo of a wingding? Podcaster Jake Tuber, whom you may remember as the guy who claims to have started his own Ustream show because he was inspired by MY show. I’m probably being lulled into a false sense of security by all the smoke he’s blowing up my ass (which, by the way, is all true) and before long he’ll have a more popular Ustream show than I will but… oh who am I kidding? Exactly. But he’s fun and funny.

And also, Alfred Schulz whom you may know as Bill Schulz’s brother and a very funny and delightful person in his own right will be here to talk about things you never hear people say. He’s also sporting creepy facial  hair.

I informed Dustin that tonight was beginning to look a bit like a sausage fest and he says he might stop by after seeing a Tribeca film to put the sausages in their place. So: potential Dustin appearance! And possible Koryn appearance!

Also, I’m going to show some videos because now I do that!

And of course we’ll have the fan phone call! Click here for info on how to enter your number for the call of your life.

So watch at 10pm ET tonight at ustream.tv/alisonrosen

Become a fan of the show on Facebook!

Follow me on Twitter!

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And there will be some shoutouts. Usually I keep the shoutouts, which are greetings or messages over here and the advertisements, which are advertising, over here, however a really loyal fan asked if I’d give a shoutout to his friend’s web site and I agreed to create something called Shoutvertisements. So basically if you want something akin to advertising but you can’t afford the full sponsorship (I’ve changed my rates, by the way, inquire if you’re all curiouslike), let me know and you can get a  shoutvertisement. It just rolls off the tongue, really.

Also, I  just got word that the tshirts are done being printed and will be shipped to me pronto! Yay!

Also on the show, we will talk about whether I should get car magnets made. Should I? Chi_Mike wants to get some and I don’t have a car so I don’t know if this is something people would be wanting. Let me know what you think.

I love you.

I’d also like to throw some love to my sponsors Saxton Manufacturing (who can treat any and all water problems, discounts if you tell ’em you’re a fan of the show) and Chip-n-Dough Cookies (discount if you use promo code ARBF).