Blog | Alison Rosen

puppies, cash, two weeks notice

By Alison Rosen on January 19, 2008 in dogs, god I love me, Time Out New York

The following was sent to the staff to announce my decision to go freelance. Now there’s actually a voice in my head telling me not to post an internal memo, but this one is so nice that I’d like to tattoo it on a butt cheek, except then I’d have trouble reading it:

“After 3+ glorious years providing TONY with one of its more distinct and stylish voices, in everything from music reviews to Ed Koch exposés, Alison Rosen is moving on. She’s jumping into the freelance waters and will remain actively involved as a contributor to TONY, but we’ll miss her breezy way with words, quick wit, and masochistic eagerness to get up at 5am every Saturday morning to do TV for TONY. Her last day is 1/31. Please join me in wishing her well and demanding that she not lose touch.”

So, you’re likely wondering why I’m doing this and what I’m doing next. I will keep you posted.

If anyone would like to give me a mountain of cash and a puppy, I would entertain that offer.

I dreamed a terrible joke

By Alison Rosen on January 19, 2008 in Uncategorized

Usually when you make up jokes in your sleep they don’t hold up (though they’re always hilarious at the time) but I woke up with the following humdinger going through my head and I think it actually works:

“My boss says I’m an ‘inventive writer’ [pause] I make up all my facts!”

Should I ever being doing dinner theater on some cruise ship full of journalists I’ll be sure to use that one.

(or did I hear this somewhere and just think I came up with it?)

bears, frogs, commercials for children's cold and flu medication

By Alison Rosen on January 18, 2008 in Uncategorized

My sister and I just watched this commercial like five times and then I was so overwhelmed with cuteness that I had to find it on youtube. The one on TV is even cuter. It’s the part where he wiggles his legs that really gets me. Also, there’s a pretty cute triaminic frog commercial except that frog is like the Dakota Fanning of frogs—a little precicious/showy—whereas the bear is more genuinely adorable/stuffed up.

Salt N Pepa

By Alison Rosen on January 18, 2008 in Uncategorized

The decision to write about Salt N Pepa is the decision to have “Push It” stuck in your head for three days.

The lightbulb brain teaser

By Alison Rosen on January 17, 2008 in brain teasers

I posted this in the comments but then decided it should be up here. Sorry in advance for the inarticulate wording, but hopefully it will make sense. It’s a brainteaser, and it’s hard:

There are two rooms, one of them has three light switches, the other has three lightbulbs and you don’t know which bulb goes with which switch. you can do whatever you want to the switches but you must then go into the room with the bulbs and figure out which goes with which. (you can’t go back into the room with the switches). how can it be done?

the difference a professional editor can make

By Alison Rosen on January 17, 2008 in hey look it’s me, Red Eye, TV

I have a fancy reel… because I’m fancy!

Tobey, bricks, Top Shaman

By Alison Rosen on January 15, 2008 in dogs, Red Eye, tumblr, TV, wendy molyneux

Wendy and I put up a new post today. Perhaps you’ve already read it. If you haven’t, head over there to take in my inability to speak my mind over very small things involving people I don’t know that well. Fun! Other things going on? Well I haven’t received my daily Tobey update so I don’t know if he’s still trying to eat bricks, which is not a euphemism for eating his euphemistic Tobeys, but apparently he was actually trying to eat bricks yesterday. Naturally, I think this is cute (from 3000 miles away). So mom, if you’re reading this: Tobey update and photos and video, please! Tobey should have his own blog, really.

Also, a whole lot of stuff gets said during the commercial breaks while filming Red Eye and I always think I should remember it so I can repeat it here and note the way you probably had to be there. Last night I told Dr. Baden I’d enjoyed a nutritive enema* during the break and then I resumed my original seat (I’d vacated the seat so he could sit there during his segment). While waiting for filming to begin again Bill said something about someone being a showman. Greg said “and a shaman!” right as I said roughly the same thing. Bill looked disgusted and I have to admit I also had that sinking feeling that comes when two great minds produce less than one joke. Or maybe it was that I then mentioned Jim Morrison. Then Greg started joking about Top Shaman and also talking about Top Ramen and I said something about prophetic noodles.

*it was something he’d talked about in his segment, not something I enjoyed during the break

letters? send them!

By Alison Rosen on January 14, 2008 in body language, Red Eye, TV

Greetings lovelies. I just got back from doing Red Eye. At the table and everything! Today was crazy so I apologize for the lag in posting comments! Thank you Ted for your brainteasers! I got the ONE WORD one but the shark one stumped me. More brainteasers! And now, a request: if you like the movie segment I’ve been doing and want to see it continue please please please email redeye [at] foxnews.com and say as much. Then get your friends to write in (if they sincerely like it too). Lots of letters! Oodles of letters! I will be forever grateful!

Also, I passed Tonya Reiman, the real body language expert (from O’Reilly) in the lobby tonight and she smiled at me and I thought “Hi. I’ve parodied you.” It was a weird little moment. Also, she’s quite statuesque. As is Megyn Kelly. And Angelica Bridges, who was on the show tonight.

I guess that’s all.

Crapload of clips (from a bunch of shows)

By Alison Rosen on January 13, 2008 in Best Bets, god I love me, ME, more about me, Red Eye, TV

Look, it’s ME-bonanza! A festival of ME! A ME-palooza! A Me-varee! A ME-ding! A ME-splosion! I could keep going. Also, completely unrelated, I was thinking lately how much I enjoy brainteasers and riddles and things so if you know any, leave them in the comments!