In addition to writing a faux pregnancy memoir, I’m also tackling an addiction memoir. Here is an excerpt. I’m hoping for a blurb from Dr. Drew.

The year was 1977. By day I was Susan, a mild-mannered good girl. By night I was Suze, a sensual party machine who loved to dance and was addicted to drugs. One night I couldn’t reach my dealer so I hit the streets.

“Hey girly girly, you looking for party favors,” asked a gangmember.

“No,” I responded all cool like, “I’m looking for drugs.”

A little while later I was in a cab headed uptown with a pocket full of the best friends a girl like me could have. It was all there, everything I craved: Cocaine, crack cocaine, heroin, ludes, bennies, acetominophin, PCP, space cakes from Amsterdam, pot brownies, pot cookies, marijuana, puff, spliff, smoke, hash, hashish, White Out for huffing, whippets, nutmeg, banana peels, Robitussin, Robitussin cold gels, speed, crystal meth, crank, MDMA and other designer drugs, ice, mushrooms, magic mushrooms and lysergic acid, commonly known as LSD.

The drugs kicked in as we were pulling out of Del Taco.

Potential titles for this tome include:

This Halfway House is Not a Home

Have We Met Before? [cover art is me looking in the mirror]

They Tried to Make Me Go to Prehab but I Said No No No

My Drug of Choice is More

People, Places, Things and Drugs

With Drugs Like These, Who Needs Friends?

If You Can’t Stand the Heat Get Out of the Meth Lab

Are You There Drugs, It’s Me Drugs?

Crush, Snort, Repeat

I, Klonopin