So I promised that I’d give you the behind-the-scenes rundown each time I do a TV appearance and already I’ve fallen behind. You were right to turn your back on me years ago, adoring public. But see I had to change desks at work and I’m changing rooms in my apartment and while these two mini moves hardly add up to anything like a real move they’re still unsettling enough to make me clam up. Did that sound like a real excuse? Because it was hardly one. But I’ll rectify this soon I promise. Expect duck jokes and more. Plus clips!
Author Archive | Alison Rosen
see me tonight
I’ll be on NBC local news between 11pm and 11:30pm so tune in if you’re so inclined which you pretty much definitely are. Then stay right there without even sleeping so you can see me on the same channel at about 9:30am. Okay then.
HIGHLY SPECIFIC SCENARIOS INVOLVING DUCKS (and what to say)
THE SITUATION: someone has given you a duck which you’re trying desperately to give away, so desperately that you resort to flattery
YOU SAY: “Nice shoes! Want a duck?”
HIGHLY SPECIFIC PICK-UP LINES
THE SITUATION: there’s been a break in
YOU SAY: Was your father a thief? Because my watch is missing.
THE SITUATION: it’s Easter
YOU SAY: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or hidden in the backyard?
THE SITUATION: there’s been a hurricane
YOU SAY: what do you say we go back to my place and slip out of these wet clothes?
TRENDWATCH
HOT: branding iron
NOT: guppies
Today's TONYblog 1 Thing
Iambic pentameter? I’m not into Satan, thank you very much.
Alfresco is really the best way to enjoy Shakespeare, with the possible exception of al dente or, if you’re feeling funky, in a class called something like “From [Name of Tragedy] to [Name of Tragedy]: The Tragedies of William Shakespeare.” I took such a class in college which, despite my dewy face and general youthful demeanor, was some time ago, and so I can say that the plays really hold up. I mean, I read them when they were current. We’d pack up a saddlebag of tomatoes to throw at the players (more…)
TRENDWATCH
HOT: waffles
NOT: nuclear winter
Today's TONYblog 1 Thing
See her tonight at Rumsey Playfield
When I interviewed Fiona Apple in late 2005, I thought that if I were somehow a different kind of interviewer, or maybe a different kind of girl, I would have known how to share lipgloss and become best friends with her. It felt, in the setting we were in—a rehearsal studio in Burbank, techs and musicians and guys all around; we were the only women there and we’re roughly the same age—that that’s what should have happened. I don’t know that I can explain it exactly, but if we’d been on a double date we should have gone to the bathroom together, (more…)
TRENDWATCH
HOT: Dante’s Inferno
NOT: Santa’s workshop
SPECIALTY LIES
SPECIALTY LIES: CIRCUS EDITION #2
SITUATION: You’re stuffed into a Volkswagen with 30 of your friends and you fart.
STANDARD LIE: “Do you guys smell that? Wow. What are they feeding the elephants?”
DELUXE LIE: “Is it me or is someone using turned grease paint? Bubbles? Is that you again?” (Note: This works especially well if no one in the car is named Bubbles).