In discussing our fictional children’s book series (and by that I don’t mean the books are fiction, I mean the books are a fiction) with my sister I learned that I had both the title and the premise of one of them wrong. It’s Jobs are for Carols, Grapes are for Jane. Meaning jobs are for the birds. I thought it was more like “to each his own” like some people like to work jobs, some like to eat grapes. But I was wrong! It’s good I have her here to keep me in line. So anyway, thus far we have: A Turtle Named Jane, See Jane Eat a Grape, Schooltime for Jane and Jobs are for Carols, Grapes are for Jane. The miniseries will be called Jane: Plain and Green. If you are reading this thinking “I don’t get it,” don’t worry. There’s little to get. It’s more a matter of mild to nonexistent amusement.
Author Archive | Alison Rosen
animals, books, names
Tonight my sister and I invented a game where you say a pet name and then have to figure out what animal it would go with. For example, Carol is very clearly a parrot. Upon realizing that Jane is a turtle, we began coming up with book titles for a series of books about Jane including A New Home for Jane and my personal favorite, See Jane Eat a Grape. We also settled on Jobs are for Carol, Grapes are for Jane and we aren’t quite sure the content, but doesn’t it sound educational? And also heartwarming? We think so too.
Should you find yourself wanting to play this game go right ahead but might I suggest you start with another game we invented called Cow, Sheep, Goat? It’s where someone says the name of a cheese and then you have to say what kind of milk it’s made with. It helps to have an extensive knowledge of cheese, which we lack, hence the game never turned into our own personal Bunko.
Here I am talking about how I play sports on Red Eye
Hot Seat with Josh Schwartz
For awhile I was saying Josh Schwartz was my buddyroo but then I interviewed David Schwimmer and I think he might be my new best friend. Sorry Josh. Here’s my interview with you though.
UPDATE: NOW WITH VIDEO! cheese logs, vienna sausages, soap dispensers
Friday’s Red Eye intros hit a new pinnacle of absurdity and some of the guests couldn’t stop laughing. Of all the horribly wrong things I’ve had a hand in writing, I think I’m most proud of these. Actually, that’s a huge statement, so maybe I should rethink it, since when I die I’d really rather not have “she’s so smart if brains were a cheese log, I’d pick at her nuts” on my tombstone. Is it bad luck to wonder what your epitaph will be? I recall a conversation where I was pressed to answer and I said “she liked words [long pause]… more than people.” Anyway, off to paint my fingernails black and write free verse in my diary. And that brings me to another intro which probably can’t be used: “He’s so smart if brains were a do not disturb sign, I’d hang him on my knob.”
UPDATE: HERE’S A VIDEO OF THE INTROS I WAS TALKING ABOUT ABOVE:
Hot Seat with Emily Blunt
It’s hard to believe I still haven’t had gay chicken. Here’s the interview.
Tonight's profound thought
If a man’s reach doesn’t extend his grasp, what’s a step stool for?
Liveblogging Gossip Girl
I’m currently liveblogging Gossip Girl over on the TONYblog. If you’re bored, read me over there.
Today's TONYblog 1 Thing
Don’t be fooled by their smiles.
What will you be doing tonight, my pets? If you said going home to your dog-eared copy of TV Guide and going over your emergency television-watching schedule that you uploaded onto various media including your Palm Pilot, Treo, Sidekick, cell phone, digital watch, home-arrest ankle bracelet, automatic coffeemaker with LCD display and stupid iHome alarm clock that you hate, you would be wrong, wrong, wrong. You don’t even have a Palm Pilot. Instead you’ll be going to Joe’s Pub to hear Lucinda Black Bear, which is neither (more…)
Today's TONYblog 1 Thing
I feel dizzy.
You could do worse than seeing A Camp and Craig Wedren tonight, especially if you’re familiar with the way former Shudder to Think frontman Wedren has gone on to do the scores of a number of TV and movie things often involving The State and Stella guys. Speaking of doing worse, Rush is playing tonight, and while I’m in no way beating up on the Canucks, I personally can’t go because of what happened last time I saw them. Trip down memory lane with me? I call shotgun. (more…)