After what felt like the longest flight in the world, during which I hit that wall where not even Celebrity Rehab could distract me and each commercial break felt like 20 minutes and so I just sat there flipping through all the Jet Blue channels and thinking that if we didn’t land soon I was going to go out of my mind because I really wanted to stand up and do jumping jacks even though I’m not really a jumping jacks person, I am happy to report that I’m finally here and Tobey is asleep next to me.
Author Archive | Alison Rosen
messed up funhouse mirrors
I feel funny about this, but I just read Julia Allison’s blog, and that’s how I know that the Alyssa Milano Biography I was interviewed for is airing right now. It’s also on at 1am EST on the Biography Channel.
Phoebish!
Because I post my chats with Wendy over here, by default, all other chats go here:
me:I can’t lie to my public. I’m like Eva Peron Andy: in many ways.
i’ve actually decided that your on-air persona is very phoebe-ish. phoebish?me: my california friends told me I reminded them of her too it’s my blond hair
Andy: yes, that’s it.
me: I don’t know if I see it
but I love Friends
so thank you
so but then if it’s my on air persona that would mean in real life I’m more like Joey?
Andy: no, you’re more like alison rosen.
especially the hair.
me: I love her!
except when she gets kind of
I don’t know the word
annoying
Andy: she’s great in small doses.
Books I'll Never Write
How I Learned to Quit Being a Neat Freak
So You Want to Skydive
Yoga for Leos
Feel the Fear and Brew It Anyway (or, A Diary of the Year I Spent Growing Hops in my Broom Closet While Collecting Welfare)
Confessions of Fashion Addict
Confessions of a Person Who’s Really Good at Sewing Buttons
Human Pretzel: My Body Bent This A-way
Mmmm, Mayonnaise!
Tuesdays with Larry, My Gynecologist
It’s Friday, I’m in Love (with Gloves!)
Building Your Own Gun Racks for Fun and Profit
Russian Roulette and Other High Stakes Rainy Day Games
Secrets of Someone Who Always Keeps Plans
1001 Uses for a Soiled Doily
Kinko’s: A Love Story
I think it's funny
When things get stuck to my blackberry, like paperclips, because of the magnet inside. It reminds me of when things used to get stuck to Woofie’s nose, which they always did. But I find things funny that no one else thinks are funny, so feel no pressure to be amused by this.
Also, I woke up sleep-blogging again. I was coming up with a list of books I’d never write. The first was Things I Learned While Kayaking.
And finally, I’m going to a wedding this weekend and all of us who used to be in the band will be there (it’s the bass player who’s getting married). She wants us to play one of our old songs. I’m kind of ridiculously excited about this, even if I haven’t played in forever.
less meta than just media reporting
Someone should liveblog the liveblogs. It’s not going to be me, because I’m too lazy, but someone take this idea and run with it! (unless it’s already been done, in which case, hey, what a good idea!)
What It's Like When a Big Celebrity Visits The Gym
Some people are probably wondering if the fame is going to my head so I’m writing the following to assure you that I’m exactly the same as before. I still have my assistant put on my pants one leg at a time.
What It’s Like When A Big Celebrity Visits The Gym
So I’m at the gym right now, working on my already amazing physique (just calling it as I see it because it’s humbling to be honest and it keeps me grounded to remember where I came from: an above average background in every sense, again just having the courage to be honest). People are being really cool and not mobbing me. In fact they respect me so much, which I really appreciate, that they aren’t even acting like they recognize me at all from my many accomplishments in a number of areas which I would detail for you here but I don’t want you to think I’m bragging.
I mean, here is the thing, when you are possessing as many natural talents as I am you really learn quickly that you have to be careful to come across as humble, like by reminding people you’re humble, because otherwise you run the risk of people thinking you believe your own hype (even if its true as it is in my case), which brings me back to my point about how I really have the best fans because they’re just letting me work on my award-winning body in peace. I don’t even hear any whispering.
Actually, when I took a cell phone call on the treadmill earlier people were whispering because they probably recognized my voice from my extensive voiceover work in feature films and commercials. Well actually I guess I should say that I didn’t take a call, I placed one, to my manager, calling her back. Or rather following up on a call I’d placed earlier. To someone I want to be my manager. About getting some voiceover work. Have you heard my voice? If you were anywhere in the vicinity of the gym when I fell off the treadmill because I got distracted when I was dialing, you probably did. And thank you for looking the other way. Yes I could have used a hand getting back up, and a band-aid (the bleeding wasn’t profuse, a few stitches and I was as good as new) but I can see where you would be afraid to approach a big celebrity who has injured herself because you don’t want to embarrass her. But honey it takes worse things than that to embarrass me.
I remember when I had a role as ‘atmosphere’ (but atmosphere that was super important to moving the plot line forward. In fact the director told me that I was like the best he’d ever seen at looking like I was actually in a restaurant drinking a cappuccino) in a big Hollywood blockbuster and my pants fell off, okay yes I actually took them off, it’s a long story but I’ve been to rehab since which was also humbling and I’m hoping to publish my courageous tale of courage and bravery in the face of being humbled and then maybe a reality show, who knows!!!! 🙂
So where was I? Oh yeah, I was saying that when famous people like me and brit and linds and my good friend scarlett who sent me an email earlier today (asking me to stop emailing her, I assume because she wants me to just call) go out in public to premieres or awards shows or the gym, it can be really tough because we get mobbed so that’s why I feel fortunate that people are just treating me like a ‘regular person’ (sounds so gay to say that!!!! Right?’ LOL 😉 wait not gay bad! 🙂 don’t you put words in my mouth! okay and anyway—
Okay I seem to have fallen again. Don’t worry, I’m okay. Thank you for not drawing attention. It’s humbling. It kinds of hurts though. Does anyone know if legs are supposed to bend this way? Anyone? Hello? A celebrity needs help here!
(Note to my parents who sometimes worry: I am actually at the gym. I didn’t really fall. The above is satire. This disclaimer is humbling.)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
I KNEW I WAS SPECIAL!
I had a virus on my Mac. This is apparently quite unheard of. So unheard of that when I told the computer guy he kind of glazed over and told me to afkjagakhdfgiladfgjkgadsf [I glazed over too, but suffice it to say it was a workaround since I couldn’t attach documents in email because my email was telling me I had a virus]. Anyway, when it happened again I turned to another computer guy who also told me it was nearly impossible that I had a virus. But I’m coughing and itching, I said! And I just feel tired all the time. Also, my left knee makes a funny noise. (It says ‘ello!’ in a cockney accent.) He suffered my computer ignorance long enough to tell me to run a scan, which I did, and then I told him it found a virus. He was shocked. I was triumphant! But also dismayed. And maybe a little hungry. Twelve hundred hours later, everything is back to normal and I can’t wait to tell computer person number one how wrong he was, because that’s the kind of person I am.
The debate column….
An Open Letter to My Sister Who Is At A Hockey Game Which Is Weird Since I Don't Think She Likes Hockey That Much But Hey, I Could Be Wrong
So last night I logged on to my computer and went to Facebook and was surprised to see I had a bunch of messages and requests since I hardly ever use Facebook but anyway I approved a few requests, surprised that a couple of them were from people who know YOU, but then sometimes your friends track me down and also, we sometimes share friends just like we “share” a computer and by that I mean you check your email on my computer often, which I am totally okay with, in fact often I will tell you to look at my computer because there is a particularly cute Tobey video on there, etc. ANYWAY, after approving a few friends and adding an application because what the hell, right, I realized that this was YOUR profile I was logged in as—you must have been on there earlier and not signed out. Surprise, you have some new friends and an application! Also, you might be a member of a club. Let me know how that goes!