It turns red every evening between 5pm and 7pm. I’m not even kidding. Like blushing, but concentrated in my nose and cheeks. 5pm is also when I start drinking gin out of a paper bag under my desk. Do you think it’s a coincidence? I’m kidding about the drinking. Anyway, I pointed out the puffy redness to the Red Eye makeup lady and she said “you have a tan from California!” and I said “I don’t actually! My face just turns red sometimes!” I should have gone with the tan thing. Anyway, I bring this up because I’m in full Rudolph mode right now. If you saw me and you were in a car, you would slam on the brakes.
Author Archive | Alison Rosen
The Activity Pit
You guys probably all know about this but there’s a cool Red Eye fan space here that I find myself looking at more and more. Here is my page over there. Greg, Bill, Andy and some of the other regular guests are on there too.
I can't sleep
Stupid jet lag and time change. But the real winner is you, blog readers, because I thought I’d use my inability to go to sleep to make a list of things I could be doing with this time! Here goes:
1) making a list of things I could be doing instead of sleeping
2) wishing I were sleeping
3) looking at the clock and thinking about how many hours it is until I have to be up
4) counting stuff
5) not sheep!
6) waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dark
7) wishing I were sleeping
8) being repetitive
9) repeating myself
10) oh I did not
11) no, I did
12) I see that now
13) so sleepy
14) kinda have to go to the bathroom
15) going to the bathroom
16) coming back
Wendy has a website for her book and she didn't even tell me
What kind of asshole doesn’t tell you about their fetching new website? It’s not like she’s afraid of being self-promotional. God, I think maybe she’s blog cheating on me. That’s the only explanation. I mean, I don’t really understand why that would account for her not telling me, nor do I really understand what “blog cheating” would be, but sometimes the least plausible explanation is the obvious one. In this case it’s not, but I’m not ruling it out either.
Last night's halftime report
Some shots from last night's Red Eye
Sometimes I like to punctuate things I say with the above expression.
Except for when I’m clearly nauseated (I have no recollection of what was happening at this point, by the way)
That’s me in the back left, shortly before Greg noticed that was me in the back left.
Does anyone else
ever suspect those Snapple “real facts” are total bullshit?
To wit: real fact #124 “Seals sleep only one and a half minutes at a time.”
Really? I once napped with a seal and excuse me, but I think I would have noticed if he was up every 90 seconds.
Thus far
I have not taken advantage of the extra hour of daylight to make hay or rotate my crops. Damnit!
I write like a dude
According to this website at least. This doesn’t surprise me too much I suppose, but the weird thing is that when I pasted stuff that I was fairly sure would be “male” (a writing sample from Red Eye with loads of one-liners) it came out female, and when I put in stuff that I thought would be more female (some stuff from this blog, a chunk of my Thomas Kinkade article) it tested male. Who am I?
I'm home
Yay!