In addition to writing a faux pregnancy memoir, I’m also tackling an addiction memoir. Here is an excerpt. I’m hoping for a blurb from Dr. Drew.
The year was 1977. By day I was Susan, a mild-mannered good girl. By night I was Suze, a sensual party machine who loved to dance and was addicted to drugs. One night I couldn’t reach my dealer so I hit the streets.
“Hey girly girly, you looking for party favors,” asked a gangmember.
“No,” I responded all cool like, “I’m looking for drugs.”
A little while later I was in a cab headed uptown with a pocket full of the best friends a girl like me could have. It was all there, everything I craved: Cocaine, crack cocaine, heroin, ludes, bennies, acetominophin, PCP, space cakes from Amsterdam, pot brownies, pot cookies, marijuana, puff, spliff, smoke, hash, hashish, White Out for huffing, whippets, nutmeg, banana peels, Robitussin, Robitussin cold gels, speed, crystal meth, crank, MDMA and other designer drugs, ice, mushrooms, magic mushrooms and lysergic acid, commonly known as LSD.
The drugs kicked in as we were pulling out of Del Taco.
Potential titles for this tome include:
This Halfway House is Not a Home
Have We Met Before? [cover art is me looking in the mirror]
They Tried to Make Me Go to Prehab but I Said No No No
My Drug of Choice is More
People, Places, Things and Drugs
With Drugs Like These, Who Needs Friends?
If You Can’t Stand the Heat Get Out of the Meth Lab
Are You There Drugs, It’s Me Drugs?
Crush, Snort, Repeat
I, Klonopin
you were a wild 2 year old.
haha So good.
this was funny/clever in Feb……
Yes, I should point out that I’m reprinting excerpts I read on the show because people have been asking if there’s a place they can go to read them. This is that place.
Wow, Suze and I should’ve hung out. I would’ve treated her to a nice steak dinner and some ludes, haha.
Could I perhaps contribute to this?? I have a couple of stories that would be Awesome, notice the capital A, for this book!
After Urban Dictionary, your joke about party favors wasn’t so funny.
haha So good.
this was funny/clever in Feb……
Yes, I should point out that I'm reprinting excerpts I read on the show because people have been asking if there's a place they can go to read them. This is that place.
Wow, Suze and I should've hung out. I would've treated her to a nice steak dinner and some ludes, haha.
I have to question the historical accuracy of your memoirs. In the 70’s…no one was using drugs.
Could I perhaps contribute to this?? I have a couple of stories that would be Awesome, notice the capital A, for this book!
It’s true that some things get better with age… this is a case in point.
After Urban Dictionary, your joke about party favors wasn't so funny.
I have to question the historical accuracy of your memoirs. In the 70's…no one was using drugs.
It's true that some things get better with age… this is a case in point.
Bravo Alison! You don’t have to explain your jokes. Some of the people that post on Carolla’s website are fucking idiots. Chris Hardwick had a great conversation with Chris Anderson from Wired magazine about asshole wannabe critics that post negative comments (podcast #43)
I loved that you opened your heart up. I almost sensed that you were exhibiting the same mindset as the happy spinster lady (albeit not as flippant). Maybe she started off the same way as you and for whatever reason it didn’t happen for her. Maybe your fear is to be that woman when you’re 49 – But I doubt that. Either way, you were in an environment that brought about questions of mortality (The “….they both needed wigs!” comment was like someone clicking “like” on a facebook eulogy. ), and your fear of mannequins combined brought up some sensitivities.
-Gib
Bravo Alison! You don't have to explain your jokes. Some of the people that post on Carolla's website are fucking idiots. Chris Hardwick had a great conversation with Chris Anderson from Wired magazine about asshole wannabe critics that post negative comments (podcast #43)
I loved that you opened your heart up. I almost sensed that you were exhibiting the same mindset as the happy spinster lady (albeit not as flippant). Maybe she started off the same way as you and for whatever reason it didn’t happen for her. Maybe your fear is to be that woman when you’re 49 – But I doubt that. Either way, you were in an environment that brought about questions of mortality (The “….they both needed wigs!” comment was like someone clicking “like” on a facebook eulogy. ), and your fear of mannequins combined brought up some sensitivities.
-Gib