Originally I didn’t want to post my Beastie Boys story here, because it was just supposed to be a little review that ended up on the cover and I was afraid of the ceaseless mocking or perhaps hatred that might barrel my way, but a surprising number of people have applauded the story, though I’m not ruling out a surprising silent majority of people who hate it, and did you know I’m so like this? And really, if I’m going to publish my opinions in public where do I get off hiding out from the reaction? I, too, wonder. Or you could just read this.
Alison M. Rosen.
I heard about the Beastie Boys thing, so I checked it out online. Then, because the internet is a fantastic black hole of time, sucking you ever deeper until you hit porn, I found you on MySpace. Then, I noticed that you’re friends with a lot of my friends. Then I started reading all the stuff you wrote in the OC Weekly. Then I started perusing your pictures. Now I just want to make out with you.
Too bad you’re in New York. It woulda been rad.
I know! Reality can be so cruel sometimes. But really, who are you? Anonymity is for assholes! (and alcoholics).
Coincidentally enough, I’m a little from column A, little from column B… Mostly I’m the dorky type that gets all melty over girls who use big words. Oh, and when they’re extra good looking, it helps too.
Unfotunately, my asshole is a product of my alcoholism.
Um… That sounded really bad.
and it was a total lie.
I just thought it sounded funny.
Crap, I gotta head out to Detroit bar to talk to someone. Don’t you miss Ock?
I’m guessing your smart enough to find me with a minimal amount of hinting. So if you’re bored. Give me a call: 5895567
That’s not my telephone number.
Ciao!
-Anonymous Alcoholic Asshole.
Confidential to AAA: I seriously have no idea. It’s as if I’m some kind of retarded half-wit. I hate a good mystery.
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