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Archive | 2010
Morning Ducklings
I'm running a sweatshop and I'm the only employee
As you likely know from the way I’ve been in your face about it, I’m now selling ARIYNBF tshirts with the Kez logo on them. They’re perfection in tshirt form. The downside is that I have a box full of tshirts and a pile of bubble wrap mailers and another pile of some other kind of mailer and envelopes of assorted sizes and sheets of paper and also photos and buttons and stamps and construction paper and trash and none of it is doing itself.
It’s weird, you would think my sitting on the couch and giving the shirts space to really be themselves and do what they need to do would have a positive effect but instead, nada. “Look alive!” I yelled at the tshirts yesterday, blowing into a whistle and jogging in place. “You, yeah, you!” I brayed, poking one of the shirts in the chest. “What are you waiting for, an invitation? DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY AND THEN GET INTO AN ENVELOPE!” I shouted. I haven’t seen such a bunch of sorry little girls since I coached a fleet of collector’s buttons into bubble wrap a few weeks ago. It drove me to drink, so I sucked down some diet soda and then threw an energy bar over my left shoulder and rubbed chalk all over my hands and put a bunch of balls in a mesh bag. Then I inspected my shoes for termites, shaved my head for team spirit, injected some steroids into an orange (it’s a science experiment I’m performing), rubbed some grease paint under the picture of my eyes on the tshirt and then ordered everyone into the showers where the shirts began snapping themselves at one another. Again I had to blow my whistle. “Am I coaching or babysitting here? Rub some dirt in it!” I yelled, dabbing Gatorade behind my ears. I don’t get paid enough.
Here’s the base of operation:
Sometimes when pulling on a sweatshirt, I get stuck here and need to take a breath
Please pay extra attention to my hairtenna which is looking especially beautiful in the above photo. And yes, I put this on Twitter yesterday. Sometimes my brilliance is such that I feel it needs to be featured on this blog. You are cordially invited to deal with it.
Wondering how the songs on my show come together?
Tom Rapp made these cool videos revealing how he puts together the songs for my show. Also revealing my short-lived new hat trend. In this one he’s working on “Things You Never Hear People Say.” Part 1 is above. Here’s Part 2.
Jake Tuber is modeling one of my new t-shirts!
You’re probably going to need to buy one now too, right? Figures.
Hear me on the radio Saturday at noon: Week 2 of the TV Theme Song Tourney!
Tomorrow I'll be on the radio at noon ET (that's the link to listen live tomorrow0 helping judge the best TV theme songs. As you may or may not know, this is week 2 of the 6 week tournament. If you have any interest in hearing things that are awesome, you'll listen in. And if you're a writer who wants to write about something awesome like the fact that we're doing this TV theme song tournament with brackets and science and Alison (that's me!) then you totally should, because I would, except writing about myself only works on a blog and twitter. So listen and also call in if you want tomorrow. I'm not sure exactly how they're opening the phone lines (cranking to the left, probably) but if you listen in you will know. The number for that, when it happens, is (270) 746-9246.
Things You Never Hear People Say
Alfred Schulz shares some things you never hear people say on the April 28, 2010 episode of Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend.
Tom Rapp wrote/performed theme song and lyrics. KEZ designed the logo.
Andrew Hunt's This Love Triangle Sucks With Just The One Of Us
Last night on the show I played a video that I thought was hilarious by show guest and Canadian pal (and guy who autographed an orange and gave it to me) Andrew Hunt. Here’s the video. Please make him famous so he can make me famous-er.