So because Jon Stewart clearly hates my hair, my friend who’s a producer for The Daily Show who’s supposed to cut my hair on air has to reschedule AGAIN because this time he’s flying to Atlanta or some such. “Like hell you are!” I yelled into my hairbrush, after applying a quarter-sized dollop of styling gel from my roots to my split ends. Then I bent over and blew all my hair forward and then straight up, like DJ Paulie D from Jersey Shore. It looked good.
So this week I will have my pal Koryn Kennedy IN STUDIO. She is a former Maxim radio “Emergency Hot Chick” which means she’s both hot and good with dispensing relationship/dating advice. She’s also a sometime voiceover artist and can do all sorts of crazy voices and accents which is secretly why I want her on the show, because I find that endlessly entertaining since I can only do zero accents. In addition to looking hot and impersonating Bostonians, Koryn works at Marie Claire as a writer and editor.
But that’s not all. We’ll also be talking to Dustin later in the show and I’ll be unveiling a brand spanking new segment which involves a quiz. I think you’ll find it fun. If not, I’ll hunt you down and kill you.
And we might do our second fan phone call or we might do that the following week. I haven’t decided if that’s a weekly thing or a biweekly thing or a triweekly thing or a monthly thing. Feel free to weigh in.
And RSVP for the show why don’t you! Also, tell all your friends! Yay!
Catch all this hot action on Wednesday at 10pm EST/7pm PST.
Oh man, I thought in the third paragraph you said there was going to be a new spanking segment. I thought “poor Dustin!”. Glad to find out it’s something else.
I think you should have a recurring First Fan Phone Call every week…but that’s just me! I thought that guy was pretty darn entertaining….But the 2nd guy is great too!
Koryn is HOT! Can’t wait
When Joe says, “Poor Dustin!” he means, “I want that to be me!!!” But there’s no doubt about it, a brand new spanking segment involving a quiz will be huge! You’ll triple the viewership! I can see it now!
DO YOU LIKE LITTLE DUCKLINGS????
Um, er, I don’t know!
SMACK!
WHERE ARE MY SOCKS???
Um, er, I don’t know!
SMACK!
DO YOU LIKE LITTLE DUCKLINGS????
Um, er, I don’t know!
SMACK!
WHERE ARE MY SOCKS???
Um, er…
I totally thought I read “Paulie Shore” in there.
Next week: a Jill Dobson spanking segment.
Who’s your favorite Fox News reporter?
Ainsley Earhardt
SMACK!
Who’s your favorite Fox News reporter?
Courtney Friel
SMACK!
Who’s your favorite Fox News reporter?
Jane Skinner
SMACK!
Who’s your favorite Fox News reporter?
Megyn Kelly
SMACK!
Oh man, I thought in the third paragraph you said there was going to be a new spanking segment. I thought “poor Dustin!”. Glad to find out it's something else.
Is Koryn the Brooklyn Flea girl?
I think you should have a recurring First Fan Phone Call every week…but that's just me! I thought that guy was pretty darn entertaining….But the 2nd guy is great too!
Koryn is HOT! Can't wait
When Joe says, “Poor Dustin!” he means, “I want that to be me!!!” But there's no doubt about it, a brand new spanking segment involving a quiz will be huge! You'll triple the viewership! I can see it now!
DO YOU LIKE LITTLE DUCKLINGS????
Um, er, I don't know!
SMACK!
WHERE ARE MY SOCKS???
Um, er, I don't know!
SMACK!
DO YOU LIKE LITTLE DUCKLINGS????
Um, er, I don't know!
SMACK!
WHERE ARE MY SOCKS???
Um, er…
I totally thought I read “Paulie Shore” in there.
Next week: a Jill Dobson spanking segment.
Who's your favorite Fox News reporter?
Ainsley Earhardt
SMACK!
Who's your favorite Fox News reporter?
Courtney Friel
SMACK!
Who's your favorite Fox News reporter?
Jane Skinner
SMACK!
Who's your favorite Fox News reporter?
Megyn Kelly
SMACK!
Your scenario is certainly more intriguing! But I’m confused as to who’s doing what to whom!
WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES
Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary……
8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary….
Day 983 of my captivity…
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards..
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously mentally challenged.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…
Your scenario is certainly more intriguing! But I'm confused as to who's doing what to whom!
WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary……
8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary….
Day 983 of my captivity…
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards..
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously mentally challenged.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…