Don’t forget to tune in to my Ustream show tonight at 11pm ET/8pm PT and join in the chat room or just watch the proceedings which are sure to be both fun and ridiculous.
Will we name plants?
Will we play Cow, Sheep or Goat which I believe we may have a request for?
Will we play the rhyming game which my sister and I invented but only I think is fun?
Will Dustin and I have found true love with strangers at the Singles party I’m supposedly going to tonight but which I can already feel I may flake on (pssss. No one tell Dustin. It’s a surprise!)
Will I tell you about how I won an iPod touch in a raffle at a comedy benefit for the leukemia and lymphoma society last night (hosted by Liam McEneany and featuring Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, John Oliver, Kristen Schaal, Todd Barry, Jim Gaffigan, Caroline Rhea, Eddie Brill and fuck who am I forgetting? A Brief View of the Hudson) andย it was exciting because I was literally sitting there thinking, “If they call my number, which they won’t since in my entire life of raffles I’ve never had my number called, is it ok if I just raise my hand or stand up as opposed to yelping like everyone else because I just don’t think I can summon the yelp and I hope they’ll understand that it doesn’t mean there’s a stick up my ass [though it kinda does] and it doesn’t mean I’m too cool for raffles [or am I?!?!?!?!], it just means I’m not the yelping kind,” but then as they called the numbers the excitement of winning actually coalesced into a yelp, which was a relief.
Sort of like when you go to the gynecologist and she confirms that all your parts are in working order as opposed to your fear, which is that she’ll recoil in horror, having seen something the likes of which I can’t even figure out right now, seeing as I’m already wishing I hadn’t taken this blog post in that direction. I know what you’re thinking though and yes, women can be doctors.
Um, where was I? Have I said too much? Just to continue on this dark path for a moment, it’s also like how you may wonder what you’ll do if you get a call saying someone died or if you have to call 911. Will it be like how you see it on TV? Having experienced both of those I can say that yes, the emotions come at the appropriate times, and perhaps I’m the only one that wondered about that?
In other news it’s raining cats and dogs in New York. What web sites do you guys use to get the weather forecast? I use twitter. But also weather dot com. But I wonder if there’s a better one.
I use weather underground. They have animated local doppler radar and a five day forecast for free. I haven’t seen any felines or canines falling out of the sky here in Georgia today.
I don't like weather.com anymore because it takes too long for all of their pages to load. I now just use local tv/radio news stations for weather or accuweather.com
I don’t like weather (dot) com anymore because it takes too long for all of their pages to load. I now just use local tv/radio news stations for weather or accuweather (dot) com
Accuweather, in the heavy metal community they use megawether.
Accuweather, in the heavy metal community they use megawether.
I use wunderground dot com to get my weather. I like the fact it explains alot of things that I don't understand about the weather. ๐
Love reading your blog. ๐
I use wunderground dot com to get my weather. I like the fact it explains alot of things that I don’t understand about the weather. ๐
Love reading your blog. ๐
“After reading The Lottery by Shirley Jackson, I was afraid of participating in raffles with unknown prizes for fear that the award would be a stone to the head………….”
“After reading The Lottery by Shirley Jackson, I was afraid of participating in raffles with unknown prizes for fear that the award would be a stone to the head………….”
I'm just not sure how to interpret this dream I had last night but I have decided to share it with you guys….possibly you could help me understand some of the meanings:
I've decided to title it “Alison's Hair”
I had drifted off to sleep and I'm figuring it was about 3am when this dream occurred…..Alison and I were on a low-key date at a nice Mexican food restaurant. Sitting across from each other at a small wood table and chairs towards the back of the room.
She looked gorgeous and her freckles were so cute (like no HD monitor had ever displayed before). Surprisingly she sincerely laughed at all my jokes. About half way through the dinner, she asked me to move closer. So I picked up the chair and placed it next to her. We continued telling stories and at one point, she leaned in for a kiss. As our supple lips touched, you could hear fireworks exploding around us. She actually stopped this kiss and asked if I could hear them too (apparently an event was going on nearby).
It's at this point when things started getting weird….really weird!
We had began kissing again….a really beautiful moment and I reached my hand up and caressed her cheek and neck area….then all hell broke loose! The back of my hand glanced against her hair during the passionate kiss. A common display of affection while kissing….or so I thought!
IMMEDIATELY, both of her hands grabbed me on the top of each wrist. Somehow, she began to lift me up in the air with the chair attached to my ass and levitate my body in the seated position back across to the other side of the table. Her eyes were like RED laser beams…as if she was a poltergeist. As she began to speak, her voice was now that of a cross between a female robot and a heavily accented Eastern European Female.
She says, “Theodore Buford Goodlove are you aware of what your offense was!?” At this point, 5 hairs from the top of her head (in an animated fashion) stood up and began giggling and laughing saying “Buford!” The hairs then snapped back down into place.
I nervously replied with a trembling voice “no!”
Robotic Alison said, “You touched the hair! This is not permitted. You will refer to my hair as “Beauty Beyond Measure!” Is that understood?”
I said yes.
Then she said, look at Beauty Beyond Measure…as her head does a slow 360 degree turn…her hair sparkled like something out of a Pantene commercial. During the turn (as she faced away) those same 5 hairs popped up and began saying “nener nener nener!”
Then in more of a female robotic voice, Alison says, “using your immature baseball analogy Theodore, if by chance you ever made it past 1st base (the 5 animated hairs began giggling), my hair is never to be touched, caressed, fondled, squeezed or pulled on! Each hair is serial numbered and if you damage even one, I will lasso you faster than a prized steer at a PRCA Rodeo!” I began to smile at that point and she said in the meanest robot voice, “and you ain't gonna like it!” Those same 5 hairs stood up again and said, “Yeeeeehaaaaw! and snapped back into place.
There was a blur for a moment….
Instantly Alison was back to normal but sadly I was not. The date concluded quickly and as we were walking out the door, I said, I had to go….I began briskly walking away. Alison said, “Wait where are you going? What about skeeball?” I yelled back that I had to go and began sprinting from her. As I glanced back, to see if she was chasing, I saw those 5 hairs waving at me.
Then I awoke!
OMG… I had a similar dream last night! I have no idea what it meant, but maybe it's somehow cosmically connected to your dream Ted. Tell me what you think!
I fell asleep last night at 3:01 and began dreaming immediately, as I normally do.
I was in an El Torito, sitting at the bar having a margarita and some free chips and salsa (apparently I am a cheap ass in my dreams). Suddenly, I heard a commotion coming from the back of the room.
“I told you to stop trying to kiss on me and pulling on my hair, you jerk!” yelped Alison as if she just won a raffle for the first time in her life. Her voice was part anger, part fear, and part joy in the courage she was displaying. I watched as she violently kicked Ted in the shin. While reacting to his unwanted advances, she inadvertently knocked over the table, and the chimichanga and guacamole floated in the air like an apparition.
“What did I do wrong?!?” Ted cried out of total embarrassment, as now all the restaurant and bar was now silent to listen to this chance encounter. “I'm not some kind of plaything that you can just manhandle at your whim!” Alison snapped back. Her head twisted 180 degrees, then whipped back to center in an almost mechanical movement that she must had done thousands of times before just to get the hair out of her face. There were five guys at the bar that started to giggle and snicker at the scene. One happily shouted out, “Neener, Neener, Neener!” as the rest of the room silently snickered and laughed for a short moment in hopes of not missing out in any of the excitement that was taking place on the floor.
“I wish I had a baseball bat to beat the hell out of you! Dammit!” Alison confided to herself, but aloud for all the room to hear. Ted looked confused, and ashamed, and slowly rose to his feet. Alison sat back down and spoke softly, “Get the hell out of here, you ass! This was the worst date of my entire life!”
Suddenly, Orange County Sheriff deputies walked into the scene, and quickly pulled Ted away from the table, through the bar, then out the door. Someone must had called them just in case things turned ugly. “I should have gone out to play skeeball instead of this.” Alison murmured to herself disheartened and confused as to how she made the mistake to date such a man. The five guys at the bar waved to Ted as the deputies took him away.
As Ted left, the bar erupted in applause and cheers for Alison. She smiled demurely, and quickly waved to her new found fans. “Thanks everyone! Follow me on Twitter and Facebook! Just search for Alison Rosen!”
Then I awoke!
Ah that dream was a set up! The five guys at the bar were Boink, Joe, Proto, Trapp and Chi_Mike! I had one of those ear pieces in and Boink was giving me bad advice over a 2 way radio. Chi_Mike embellished the circumstances and called the fuzz. Trapp won a $300 bet over the incident. Proto left with the waitress and Joe, sat down with Alison and said, “Excuse me dear is this seat taken!” Oldest trick in the book guys!
I’m just not sure how to interpret this dream I had last night but I have decided to share it with you guys….possibly you could help me understand some of the meanings:
I’ve decided to title it “Alison’s Hair”
I had drifted off to sleep and I’m figuring it was about 3am when this dream occurred…..Alison and I were on a low-key date at a nice Mexican food restaurant. Sitting across from each other at a small wood table and chairs towards the back of the room.
She looked gorgeous and her freckles were so cute (like no HD monitor had ever displayed before). Surprisingly she sincerely laughed at all my jokes. About half way through the dinner, she asked me to move closer. So I picked up the chair and placed it next to her. We continued telling stories and at one point, she leaned in for a kiss. As our supple lips touched, you could hear fireworks exploding around us. She actually stopped this kiss and asked if I could hear them too (apparently an event was going on nearby).
It’s at this point when things started getting weird….really weird!
We had began kissing again….a really beautiful moment and I reached my hand up and caressed her cheek and neck area….then all hell broke loose! The back of my hand glanced against her hair during the passionate kiss. A common display of affection while kissing….or so I thought!
IMMEDIATELY, both of her hands grabbed me on the top of each wrist. Somehow, she began to lift me up in the air with the chair attached to my ass and levitate my body in the seated position back across to the other side of the table. Her eyes were like RED laser beams…as if she was a poltergeist. As she began to speak, her voice was now that of a cross between a female robot and a heavily accented Eastern European Female.
She says, “Theodore Buford Goodlove are you aware of what your offense was!?” At this point, 5 hairs from the top of her head (in an animated fashion) stood up and began giggling and laughing saying “Buford!” The hairs then snapped back down into place.
I nervously replied with a trembling voice “no!”
Robotic Alison said, “You touched the hair! This is not permitted. You will refer to my hair as “Beauty Beyond Measure!” Is that understood?”
I said yes.
Then she said, look at Beauty Beyond Measure…as her head does a slow 360 degree turn…her hair sparkled like something out of a Pantene commercial. During the head rotation (as she faced away) those same 5 hairs popped up and began saying “nener nener nener!”
Then in more of a female robotic voice, Alison says, “using your immature baseball analogy Theodore, if by chance you ever made it past 1st base (the 5 animated hairs began giggling), my hair is never to be touched, caressed, fondled, squeezed or pulled on! Each hair is serial numbered and if you damage even one, I will lasso and hog tie you faster than a prized steer at a PRCA Rodeo!” I began to smile at that point and she said in the meanest robot voice, “and you ain’t gonna like it!” Those same 5 hairs stood up again and said, “Yeeeeehaaaaw! and snapped back into place.
There was a blur for a moment….
Instantly Alison was back to normal but sadly I was not. The date concluded quickly and as we were walking out the door, I said, I had to go….I began briskly walking away. Alison said, “Wait where are you going? What about skeeball?” I yelled back that I had to go and began sprinting from her. As I glanced back, to see if she was chasing, I saw those 5 hairs waving at me.
Then I awoke!
OMG… I had a similar dream last night! I have no idea what it meant, but maybe it’s somehow cosmically connected to your dream Ted. Tell me what you think!
I fell asleep last night at 3:01 and began dreaming immediately, as I normally do.
I was in an El Torito, sitting at the bar having a margarita and some free chips and salsa (apparently I am a cheap ass in my dreams). Suddenly, I heard a commotion coming from the back of the room.
“I told you to stop trying to kiss on me and pulling on my hair, you jerk!” yelped Alison as if she just won a raffle for the first time in her life. Her voice was part anger, part fear, and part joy in the courage she was displaying. I watched as she violently kicked Ted in the shin. While reacting to his unwanted advances, she inadvertently knocked over the table, and the chimichanga and guacamole floated in the air like an apparition.
“What did I do wrong?!?” Ted cried out of total embarrassment, as now all the restaurant and bar was now silent to listen to this chance encounter. “I’m not some kind of plaything that you can just manhandle at your whim!” Alison snapped back. Her head twisted 180 degrees, then whipped back to center in an almost mechanical movement that she must had done thousands of times before just to get the hair out of her face. There were five guys at the bar that started to giggle and snicker at the scene. One happily shouted out, “Neener, Neener, Neener!” as the rest of the room silently snickered and laughed for a short moment in hopes of not missing out in any of the excitement that was taking place on the floor.
“I wish I had a baseball bat to beat the hell out of you! Dammit!” Alison confided to herself, but aloud for all the room to hear. Ted looked confused, and ashamed, and slowly rose to his feet. Alison sat back down and spoke softly, “Get the hell out of here, you ass! This was the worst date of my entire life!”
Suddenly, Orange County Sheriff deputies walked into the scene, and quickly pulled Ted away from the table, through the bar, then out the door. Someone must had called them just in case things turned ugly. “I should have gone out to play skeeball instead of this.” Alison murmured to herself disheartened and confused as to how she made the mistake to date such a man. The five guys at the bar waved to Ted as the deputies took him away.
As Ted left, the bar erupted in applause and cheers for Alison. She smiled demurely, and quickly waved to her new found fans. “Thanks everyone! Follow me on Twitter and Facebook! Just search for Alison Rosen!”
Then I awoke!
Ah that dream was a set up! The five guys at the bar were Boink, Joe, Proto, Trapp and Chi_Mike! I had one of those ear pieces in and Boink was giving me bad advice over a 2 way radio. Chi_Mike embellished the circumstances and called the fuzz. Trapp won a $300 bet over the incident. Proto left with the waitress and Joe, sat down with Alison and said, “Excuse me dear is this seat taken!” Oldest trick in the book guys!
I'm just not sure how to interpret this dream I had last night but I have decided to share it with you guys….possibly you could help me understand some of the meanings:
I've decided to title it “Alison's Hair”
I had drifted off to sleep and I'm figuring it was about 3am when this dream occurred…..Alison and I were on a low-key date at a nice Mexican food restaurant. Sitting across from each other at a small wood table and chairs towards the back of the room.
She looked gorgeous and her freckles were so cute (like no HD monitor had ever displayed before). Surprisingly she sincerely laughed at all my jokes. About half way through the dinner, she asked me to move closer. So I picked up the chair and placed it next to her. We continued telling stories and at one point, she leaned in for a kiss. As our supple lips touched, you could hear fireworks exploding around us. She actually stopped this kiss and asked if I could hear them too (apparently an event was going on nearby).
It's at this point when things started getting weird….really weird!
We had began kissing again….a really beautiful moment and I reached my hand up and caressed her cheek and neck area….then all hell broke loose! The back of my hand glanced against her hair during the passionate kiss. A common display of affection while kissing….or so I thought!
IMMEDIATELY, both of her hands grabbed me on the top of each wrist. Somehow, she began to lift me up in the air with the chair attached to my ass and levitate my body in the seated position back across to the other side of the table. Her eyes were like RED laser beams…as if she was a poltergeist. As she began to speak, her voice was now that of a cross between a female robot and a heavily accented Eastern European Female.
She says, “Theodore Buford Goodlove are you aware of what your offense was!?” At this point, 5 hairs from the top of her head (in an animated fashion) stood up and began giggling and laughing saying “Buford!” The hairs then snapped back down into place.
I nervously replied with a trembling voice “no!”
Robotic Alison said, “You touched the hair! This is not permitted. You will refer to my hair as “Beauty Beyond Measure!” Is that understood?”
I said yes.
Then she said, look at Beauty Beyond Measure…as her head does a slow 360 degree turn…her hair sparkled like something out of a Pantene commercial. During the head rotation (as she faced away) those same 5 hairs popped up and began saying “nener nener nener!”
Then in more of a female robotic voice, Alison says, “using your immature baseball analogy Theodore, if by chance you ever made it past 1st base (the 5 animated hairs began giggling), my hair is never to be touched, caressed, fondled, squeezed or pulled on! Each hair is serial numbered and if you damage even one, I will lasso and hog tie you faster than a prized steer at a PRCA Rodeo!” I began to smile at that point and she said in the meanest robot voice, “and you ain't gonna like it!” Those same 5 hairs stood up again and said, “Yeeeeehaaaaw! and snapped back into place.
There was a blur for a moment….
Instantly Alison was back to normal but sadly I was not. The date concluded quickly and as we were walking out the door, I said, I had to go….I began briskly walking away. Alison said, “Wait where are you going? What about skeeball?” I yelled back that I had to go and began sprinting from her. As I glanced back, to see if she was chasing, I saw those 5 hairs waving at me.
Then I awoke!
OMG… I had a similar dream last night! I have no idea what it meant, but maybe it's somehow cosmically connected to your dream Ted. Tell me what you think!
I fell asleep last night at 3:01 and began dreaming immediately, as I normally do.
I was in an El Torito, sitting at the bar having a margarita and some free chips and salsa (apparently I am a cheap ass in my dreams). Suddenly, I heard a commotion coming from the back of the room.
“I told you to stop trying to kiss on me and pulling on my hair, you jerk!” yelped Alison as if she just won a raffle for the first time in her life. Her voice was part anger, part fear, and part joy in the courage she was displaying. I watched as she violently kicked Ted in the shin. While reacting to his unwanted advances, she inadvertently knocked over the table, and the chimichanga and guacamole floated in the air like an apparition.
“What did I do wrong?!?” Ted cried out of total embarrassment, as now all the restaurant and bar was now silent to listen to this chance encounter. “I'm not some kind of plaything that you can just manhandle at your whim!” Alison snapped back. Her head twisted 180 degrees, then whipped back to center in an almost mechanical movement that she must had done thousands of times before just to get the hair out of her face. There were five guys at the bar that started to giggle and snicker at the scene. One happily shouted out, “Neener, Neener, Neener!” as the rest of the room silently snickered and laughed for a short moment in hopes of not missing out in any of the excitement that was taking place on the floor.
“I wish I had a baseball bat to beat the hell out of you! Dammit!” Alison confided to herself, but aloud for all the room to hear. Ted looked confused, and ashamed, and slowly rose to his feet. Alison sat back down and spoke softly, “Get the hell out of here, you ass! This was the worst date of my entire life!”
Suddenly, Orange County Sheriff deputies walked into the scene, and quickly pulled Ted away from the table, through the bar, then out the door. Someone must had called them just in case things turned ugly. “I should have gone out to play skeeball instead of this.” Alison murmured to herself disheartened and confused as to how she made the mistake to date such a man. The five guys at the bar waved to Ted as the deputies took him away.
As Ted left, the bar erupted in applause and cheers for Alison. She smiled demurely, and quickly waved to her new found fans. “Thanks everyone! Follow me on Twitter and Facebook! Just search for Alison Rosen!”
Then I awoke!
Ah that dream was a set up! The five guys at the bar were Boink, Joe, Proto, Trapp and Chi_Mike! I had one of those ear pieces in and Boink was giving me bad advice over a 2 way radio. Chi_Mike embellished the circumstances and called the fuzz. Trapp won a $300 bet over the incident. Proto left with the waitress and Joe, sat down with Alison and said, “Excuse me dear is this seat taken!” Oldest trick in the book guys!