Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I’m sitting at the kitchen table of my parents’ house sweating my lady balls off. Everyone says there aren’t any seasons in CA however there are seasons in this house. It’s nuclear winter in my old bedroom and Dante’s Inferno in the kitchen. Those are some of the seasons right? My understanding is that these are the seasons:
Spring
Summer
Fall
August
Autumn
Winter
Winter Squash
Tennis
Cricket
Racketball
Blue
Seven
Dante’s Inferno
Gary’s Inferno
Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride
Nuclear Winter
Nukuler Winter
Fred Winter
Shelly Winters
Indian Summer
So last night I shivered into bed wearing sweatpants, socks, a nightgown and sweatshirt and then slept under a duvet and three blankets. I’m not even making this up. Now I’m in another room sweating. And I’d adjust the air/thermostat/air conditioning/what have you but my parents bedroom is not only another season but another time period entirely (Paris before The War, if you must) (basically the problem is that the whole house is set up so their bedroom is a toasty 70 or whatever they like it at, the rest of the house be damned) and I’m afraid I’ll broil them or flash freeze them or whatever if I adjust anything.
In other news, there is no other news.
Oh wait, well there is this. Remember when I took up biking over the summer? And then I got back to New York and borrowed Dustin’s bike and named it Ernesto and it’s currently sitting in my kitchen and I don’t ride it because it doesn’t fit me well? Well my sister’s bike which fits me better is here in CA and yesterday my mom’s handy man who is 6’5″ or maybe 6’8″ and helps put up holiday lights and remodels cabinets and removes dead rats and is like family to us told me yesterday he enjoyed watching me on TV to which I responded that I simply CANNOT live like this, having to interact with fans in my own home. Then I stormed into my room, put on a parka and began shrieking.
Anyway, he got the bike down from the hooks where it normally hangs and so perhaps I’ll ride it as a way to offset the junk I fear I’ll be smuggling in my trunk this holiday season. Tusks mostly. And those tiny turtles which are illegal but so adorable.
And thanks to everyone who joined in the live Ustream show last night. That was fun!
Did you forget monsoon season?
Did you forget monsoon season?
Don't forget Suzanne Summers, although she intentionally misspells her last name just to be different. Thank you Thighmaster!
And then there's A Man For All Seasons. And how about season-ings, meaning herbs, spices, “parsley, sage, rosemary (clooney) and thyme”… and all that sort of cullinary stuff. Those are all seasonal, right? I've tried growing parsley in the winter, people, and I can tell you it doesn't work.
Last night's broadcast was fantastic!!! Mama Rosen was a delight, Papa Rosen was a delight, Tobey was a delight, Ted not being there was a delight… Just kidding, Ted, we missed you!
And our hostess with the mostest was enchanting as usual. The Comedy Central thing is exciting! All my fingers and half my toes are crossed for you, Miss R. The rest of my toes aren't crossed because they tend to cramp. I want to see a doctor about it but I'm waiting for universal healthcare. Once that passes I'll also ask them about my dead tooth, my cauliflower ear, my hunchback, my goiter, my polydactylism, my syndactylism, my asymmetrical skull, my clubfoot, my guillain-barre syndrome, my stockholm syndrome, my radiation poisioning and my extra chromosome. Oh, and then there's my spina bifida.
Other than those things I'm in pretty good shape!
Don’t forget Suzanne Summers, although she intentionally misspells her last name just to be different. Thank you Thighmaster!
And then there’s A Man For All Seasons. And how about season-ings, meaning herbs, spices, “parsley, sage, rosemary (clooney) and thyme”… and all that sort of cullinary stuff. Those are all seasonal, right? I’ve tried growing parsley in the winter, people, and I can tell you it doesn’t work.
Last night’s broadcast was fantastic!!! Mama Rosen was a delight, Papa Rosen was a delight, Tobey was a delight, Ted not being there was a delight… Just kidding, Ted, we missed you!
And our hostess with the mostest was enchanting as usual. The Comedy Central thing is exciting! All my fingers and half my toes are crossed for you, Miss R. The rest of my toes aren’t crossed because they tend to cramp. I want to see a doctor about it but I’m waiting for universal healthcare. Once that passes I’ll also ask them about my dead tooth, my cauliflower ear, my hunchback, my goiter, my polydactylism, my syndactylism, my asymmetrical skull, my clubfoot, my guillain-barre syndrome, my stockholm syndrome, my radiation poisioning and my extra chromosome. Oh, and then there’s my spina bifida.
Other than those things I’m in pretty good shape!
“Thanksgiving is a time when everybody gives thanks that they’re not born a turkey…………..”
See Alison…I told you Joe was mean to me! He's a down right bully in the chat room…..everyone thinks he's the “nice guy” on those chats…..”Joe should be the chat monitor” “Joe is so great” “Joe likes to warn before kicking and banning” blah blah blah blah, they only think that because they compare him to me! Whatever….he can fool Javier5831, Gigglegirl27, WyomingCowPaddy10 and the rest of em….but he ain't foolin the Tedster…nope! He's a bully!
Joe make sure you get those undescended testicles treated too!
See Alison…I told you Joe was mean to me! He’s a down right bully in the chat room…..everyone thinks he’s the “nice guy” on those chats…..”Joe should be the chat monitor” “Joe is so great” “Joe likes to warn before kicking and banning” blah blah blah blah, they only think that because they compare him to me! Whatever….he can fool Javier5831, Gigglegirl27, WyomingCowPaddy10 and the rest of em….but he ain’t foolin the Tedster…nope! He’s a bully!
Joe make sure you get those undescended testicles treated too!
Leave my testicles out of this!
Leave my testicles out of this!
You are so right Joe…my apologies! Let's table this topic until the next Live Ustream!
You are so right Joe…my apologies! Let’s table this topic until the next Live Ustream!
You are so right Joe…my apologies! Let's table this topic until the next Live Ustream!