As a tireless historian of my own antics I’ve decided to start a new blog column called My New Thing wherein I document my various activities as one would a toddler’s. So for example:
My New Thing: Waking up really early and moving to the couch and falling asleep there for a few hours.
My Old Thing: Frottage
In other news, this new hand lotion I’m using smells kind of like a diaper. Perhaps one day soon smelling like a diaper can be my new thing?
And in other other news, I have an audition tomorrow morning for something I really hope I get unless the casting director is reading this in which case, hey, no big deal, easy come easy go. Unless a more passionate attitude is in order in which case I’d totally trade my left diaper hand for this role. Or something.
And in other other other news, I’d like to tell you all about what happened when I blew my nose this morning however even I am going to draw the line at snot. (Drawing the line at snot is my new thing.)
And in other other other other news, I didn’t make it to Dustin’s pig roast yesterday because I’m a bad friend who cannot shake the lingering effects of this swine flu and I didn’t want to get reinfected by the guest of honor (the pig, not Dustin). I’m thinking of changing my email signature to, “Just so you know, eventually I’m going to disappoint you.” What do you think? Catchy, right?
In other other other other other news, I’m flying to CA tomorrow after the audition.
In other other other other other other news, I wrote a tweet wherein I said “Newtons, go fig or go home” which was really just because I wanted to make the pun. I later came clean regarding my fundamental okayness with various Newton flavors. Then I started thinking of more puns:
Sausage? Go pig or go home.
Archeology? Go dig or go home.
Stage lights? Go Klieg or go home.
Sticks? Go twig or go home.
Irish dancing? Go jig or go home.
I think you can see where that’s going.
I'm kinda embarrassed now but I had to look up “frottage”
That's weird because my new thing is falling asleep on the couch for a few hours, waking up and going to bed. If we were married, Alison, we'd pass each other in the hall about 3am every morning. But I'm thinking that just might be the key to a happy marriage.
So you don't do the frottage thing any more? Damn.
Good luck on your audition tomorrow, I know your going to blow the casting director away with your *Enchanting talent Rosen yay. ‘Break a Leg’
Cold War-era aircraft? Go MiG or go home.
I’m kinda embarrassed now but I had to look up “frottage”
I'm sorry to see that you decided to draw a line of snot. I think a line of snot would just be all squiggly, and not very straight as far as lines go. I'm just imagining that you blew your nose, Alison, and saw your snot and said to yourself, “Wow, I am gonna draw my snot as a line because that might have some artistic merits.” I sometimes wonder why Ted is in love with you, but then I remember you are all smart, and much prettier than Sarah Silverman. If she can land Matt Damon, I'm sure you could get Ted…. or Joe (should that crazy idea ever cross your mind).
I'm looking forward to your trip to California. If you'd like to spend a day in Yosemite with me, let me know. I'll pick you up at the location of your choice, but it must be north of Bakersfield in order to see Yosemite in a day.
That’s weird because my new thing is falling asleep on the couch for a few hours, waking up and going to bed. If we were married, Alison, we’d pass each other in the hall about 3am every morning. But I’m thinking that just might be the key to a happy marriage.
So you don’t do the frottage thing any more? Damn.
When you say, My Old Thing: Frottage, are you refeffing to sexual frottage as: The obtaining of sexual pleasure by rubbing the clothed body against that of others, usually stangers in crowded places.
So there’s actually a word for what those perverts are doing on a crowded train!
Here we are on the eve of your trip and not a single blog post or tweet regarding just how much you love the act of packing a suitcase?
Regarding frottage, I trust you're referring to the actual art technique (see: wikipedia) not the favorite pastime of Japanese men.
I clicked the “I love myself” tag and the world wide web slowed to a crawl. Self-esteem is healthy, so that’s okay.
I’m sorry to see that you decided to draw a line of snot. I think a line of snot would just be all squiggly, and not very straight as far as lines go. I’m just imagining that you blew your nose, Alison, and saw your snot and said to yourself, “Wow, I am gonna draw my snot as a line because that might have some artistic merits.” I sometimes wonder why Ted is in love with you, but then I remember you are all smart, and much prettier than Sarah Silverman. If she can land Matt Damon, I’m sure you could get Ted…. or Joe (should that crazy idea ever cross your mind).
I’m looking forward to your trip to California. If you’d like to spend a day in Yosemite with me, let me know. I’ll pick you up at the location of your choice, but it must be north of Bakersfield in order to see Yosemite in a day.
When you say, My Old Thing: Frottage, are you refeffing to sexual frottage as: The obtaining of sexual pleasure by rubbing the clothed body against that of others, usually stangers in crowded places.
Here we are on the eve of your trip and not a single blog post or tweet regarding just how much you love the act of packing a suitcase?
Regarding frottage, I trust you’re referring to the actual art technique (see: wikipedia) not the favorite pastime of Japanese men.
Ha! The passing each other in the hall thing made me giggle!
That's because I haven't started packing yet! Shhh…. don't tell my mom! (She monitors these things cross country)
As I sit here with my one true love in hand….a bowl of Lucky Charmsl…I pondered this thought…”DO YOU REALIZE…(sorry, I'll lower my tone) this is the real Ted B. Goodlove!?!?!? Not an impostor….I've been breaking hearts since the 6th grade…I can't commit to a 3 week relationship let alone fall in love with someone! That movie “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” could have been my autobiography (sadly). But enough of my madness…those issues are for me and personal therapist Dr. Ruth.
See, I loves me a Carne Asada Burrito…loves dem Fight'n sports and I loves me some racing type moto cars….but there ain't been one of those darn lady friends dat ever ever made me fall in luv. I'm simply here for the intellectual stimulation because I so enjoy Miss Rosen's writing. I'm not so much into the 500 person chat room or the VLOG w/dudes but reading about Alison's frottage…now that is fun!
So I hope I'll get a Twitter update from those Vermont interludes or a postcard from Yosemite!
…and if you believed any of that reverse psychology…then I'll I have to say is “I love you Alison Rosen!”
Ha! The passing each other in the hall thing made me giggle!
That’s because I haven’t started packing yet! Shhh…. don’t tell my mom! (She monitors these things cross country)
As I sit here with my one true love in hand….a bowl of Lucky Charmsl…I pondered this thought…”DO YOU REALIZE…(sorry, I’ll lower my tone) this is the real Ted B. Goodlove!?!?!? Not an impostor….I’ve been breaking hearts since the 6th grade…I can’t commit to a 3 week relationship let alone fall in love with someone! That movie “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” could have been my autobiography (sadly). But enough of my madness…those issues are for me and personal therapist Dr. Ruth.
See, I loves me a Carne Asada Burrito…loves dem Fight’n sports and I loves me some racing type moto cars….but there ain’t been one of those darn lady friends dat ever ever made me fall in luv. I’m simply here for the intellectual stimulation because I so enjoy Miss Rosen’s writing. I’m not so much into the 500 person chat room or the VLOG w/dudes but reading about Alison’s frottage…now that is fun!
So I hope I’ll get a Twitter update from those Vermont interludes or a postcard from Yosemite!
…and if you believed any of that reverse psychology…then I’ll I have to say is “I love you Alison Rosen!”
“With your popularity you should make a book entitled Going Vogue……..”
3am… I'd be wearing a blue snuggie that's 47 sizes too big and you'd be wearing one of your football shirts. And we'd exchange some romantic banter as we pass each other…
Alison: Did you pick up the dry cleaning yesterday like I asked?
Joe: I forgot.
Alison: Well get it this morning because I have an audition in the afternoon.
Joe: For that Cheetos commercial?
Alison: No, that was last week. This one's for the Chrysler Sebring Convertible.
Joe: Cool.
Alison: And when you pick up the dry cleaning, can you get some more Almond Breeze milk? We're out.
Joe: I hate that stuff.
Alison: I know.
3am… I’d be wearing a blue snuggie that’s 47 sizes too big and you’d be wearing one of your football shirts. And we’d exchange some romantic banter as we pass each other…
Alison: Did you pick up the dry cleaning yesterday like I asked?
Joe: I forgot.
Alison: Well please get it this morning because I have an audition in the afternoon.
Joe: For that Cheetos commercial?
Alison: No, that was last week. This one’s for the Chrysler Sebring Convertible.
Joe: Cool.
Alison: And when you pick up the dry cleaning, can you get some more Almond Breeze milk? We’re out.
Joe: I hate that stuff, Boo.
Alison: I know.
Speaking of your mom, any chance she'll be part of this week's ustream show, even if it's only for 10-15 mins? To be honest, I can listen to the guy go on and on about any topic but something tells me some of your fans can only take so much of your dad's Walmart shopping, stamp collecting tales, and stories about his athletic prowess. I'm just saying. (not me, of course… I would be in favor of him having his own spin-off ustream show, as a matter of fact)
Besides, nothing would be funnier and more entertaining than to listen to first-hand accounts of more embarrassing stories like the labeling-of-personal-items-before-heading-off-to-college-missing-bra story.
Au contraire! While his kids can only take so much of the stories, the fans can't get enough. The guy has serious breakout potential.
Absolutely! It's great when the doctor is in the house. I suggest an Alison Rosen morning tv show. Alison's parents will host, and have updates on when Alison will awaken.
Speaking of your mom, any chance she’ll be part of this week’s ustream show, even if it’s only for 10-15 mins? To be honest, I can listen to the guy go on and on about any topic but something tells me some of your fans can only take so much of your dad’s Walmart shopping, stamp collecting tales, and stories about his athletic prowess. I’m just saying. (not me, of course… I would be in favor of him having his own spin-off ustream show, as a matter of fact)
Besides, nothing would be funnier and more entertaining than to listen to first-hand accounts of more embarrassing stories like the labeling-of-personal-items-before-heading-off-to-college-missing-bra story.
Au contraire! While his kids can only take so much of the stories, the fans can’t get enough. The guy has serious breakout potential.
The guy doesn't just have serious breakout potential…. he already is a bona fide star. No question about it. He should demand that his contract be re-negotiated.
But the possibility of revealing more embarrassing stories about you seems like something that comes naturally to all moms, yours included. She just gives off that vibe. Besides, your dad barely remembered your favorite color or the names of your pets last time, if I recall correctly. Some might have even wondered if that was a stunt dad on the phone last week, filling in for the real Mr. Rosen. For these reasons I think some in your legion of fans are clamoring to hear from your mom or if not then perhaps your siblings.
Absolutely! It’s great when the doctor is in the house. I suggest an Alison Rosen morning tv show. Alison’s parents will host, and have updates on when Alison will awaken.
Speaking of your mom, any chance she'll be part of this week's ustream show, even if it's only for 10-15 mins? To be honest, I can listen to the guy go on and on about any topic but something tells me some of your fans can only take so much of your dad's Walmart shopping, stamp collecting tales, and stories about his athletic prowess. I'm just saying. (not me, of course… I would be in favor of him having his own spin-off ustream show, as a matter of fact)
Besides, nothing would be funnier and more entertaining than to listen to first-hand accounts of more embarrassing stories like the labeling-of-personal-items-before-heading-off-to-college-missing-bra story.
The guy doesn’t just have serious breakout potential…. he already is a bona fide star. No question about it. He should demand that his contract be re-negotiated.
But the possibility of revealing more embarrassing stories about you seems like something that comes naturally to all moms, yours included. She just gives off that vibe. Besides, your dad barely remembered your favorite color or the names of your pets last time, if I recall correctly. Some might have even wondered if that was a stunt dad on the phone last week, filling in for the real Mr. Rosen. For these reasons I think some in your legion of fans are clamoring to hear from your mom or if not then perhaps your siblings.
Au contraire! While his kids can only take so much of the stories, the fans can't get enough. The guy has serious breakout potential.
Absolutely! It's great when the doctor is in the house. I suggest an Alison Rosen morning tv show. Alison's parents will host, and have updates on when Alison will awaken.
The guy doesn't just have serious breakout potential…. he already is a bona fide star. No question about it. He should demand that his contract be re-negotiated.
But the possibility of revealing more embarrassing stories about you seems like something that comes naturally to all moms, yours included. She just gives off that vibe. Besides, your dad barely remembered your favorite color or the names of your pets last time, if I recall correctly. Some might have even wondered if that was a stunt dad on the phone last week, filling in for the real Mr. Rosen. For these reasons I think some in your legion of fans are clamoring to hear from your mom or if not then perhaps your siblings.
In other news, this new hand lotion I’m using smells kind of like a diaper. Perhaps one day soon smelling like a diaper can be my new thing?
In other news, this new hand lotion I’m using smells kind of like a diaper. Perhaps one day soon smelling like a diaper can be my new thing?