As some of you may or may not know, there is an animal—at least I’m assuming it’s an animal, I suppose it could be an extremely uncouth tiny human—whose been squeezing under a fairly imposing iron gate and using the area in front of my front door as a toilet. This has happened thrice, this morning being the most recent incident. At first I thought it must be a dog but then I saw a black cat in the backyard. I broke a mirror and threw the shards over my left shoulder to offset the bad luck! Then I opened and closed an umbrella six times in my apartment and said an incantation. I’m now wondering if maybe it’s raccoon excrement because everyone knows cats don’t just relieve themselves out in the open. Oh and I threw the welcome mat which the animal had compromised away in an attempt to get rid of whatever smell is attracting the beast so today the animal just left a little gift right in the area where the mat used to be. It was a set of nautical themed coasters. Thoughtful, but doesn’t exactly make up for the shit.
Do you have potted plants in the area? I'm assuming that you don't have cat food or other consumables in the area. Next time post a pic so we can identify the offender by it's leavings….Are you sure it wasn't Gutfeld leaving you a morning treat?
It's time to set up an IR game camera and capture the culprit in the act, just like one the episodes on MonsterQuest.
When it happens quarce, let me know.
My mother reminded me that my parents had a neighbor whose dog would poop on their door mat. They got rid of the door mat, and the dog stopped pooping at their door. Obviously, this has not worked in your case. We are out of suggestions before we have even begun. Oh, wait, here's one I saw on a movie or something — maybe Funny People. Coyote's urine. They sell it frozen. You add water, hang up a plastic bag, and it scares stuff off. The problem is: I don't remember what it scares off. Worth a try though, right? Urine is so much better than shit.
Do you have potted plants in the area? I’m assuming that you don’t have cat food or other consumables in the area. Next time post a pic so we can identify the offender by it’s leavings….Are you sure it wasn’t Gutfeld leaving you a morning treat?
Do you have potted plants in the area? I’m assuming that you don’t have cat food or other consumables in the area. Next time post a pic so we can identify the offender by it’s leavings….Are you sure it wasn’t Gutfeld leaving you a morning treat?
Can you post a pic of the poo if it happens again and let us, your fans/viewers analyze it and determine the source?
It’s time to set up an IR game camera and capture the culprit in the act, just like one of the episodes on MonsterQuest.
When it happens quarce, let me know.
My mother reminded me that my parents had a neighbor whose dog would poop on their door mat. They got rid of the door mat, and the dog stopped pooping at their door. Obviously, this has not worked in your case. We are out of suggestions before we have even begun. Oh, wait, here’s one I saw on a movie or something — maybe Funny People. Coyote’s urine. They sell it frozen. You add water, hang up a plastic bag, and it scares stuff off. The problem is: I don’t remember what it scares off. Worth a try though, right? Urine is so much better than shit.
I'm going to pee in front of my door to mark the territory as my own.
Ask Dustin Goot to urinate around the area where this animal is invading. Animals are very territorial, and I’m sure one whiff of Dustin’s odiferous liquid will shoo away any varmint around those parts of Brooklyn. 🙂
Contech Electronics CRO101 Scarecrow Motion-Activated Sprinkler
I’m going to pee in front of my door to mark the territory as my own.
Alison you may want to try eating some asparagus before you pee in front of your door.
You haven't been doing Red Eye much lately. They need you. In fact, you should be a guest sometimes and a roving contributor all of the time. You could be the woman on the street catching the pulse of New Yorkers and Out-Of Towners who won't ignore you… Just pretend you need directions. People are always more helpful when you're lost. Then, while you're getting directions, you can ask them a probing question of the day. Re: the animal/poo problem, try playing Sandra Bernhard sound clips from your window. If that's not enough to make the animal perp go away, it'll teach it's ass a lesson just the same!
Alison you may want to try eating some asparagus before you pee in front of your door.
You haven’t been doing Red Eye much lately. They need you. In fact, you should be a guest sometimes and a roving contributor all of the time. You could be the woman on the street catching the pulse of New Yorkers and Out-Of Towners who won’t ignore you… Just pretend you need directions. People are always more helpful when you’re lost. Then, while you’re getting directions, you can ask them a probing question of the day. Re: the animal/poo problem, try playing Sandra Bernhard sound clips from your window. If that’s not enough to make the animal perp go away, it’ll teach it’s ass a lesson just the same!
Shake-Away Domestic Cat Repellent
“From the information I got from this “CRAPPY” story, I smell a conspiracy against you…….”
“From the information I got from this “CRAPPY” story, I smell a conspiracy against you…….”
“From the information I got from this “CRAPPY” story, I smell a conspiracy against you…….”