The 404 is totally using my name to draw people to their meetup event. I feel just like Kelly Bensimon on Real Housewives of NYC only I’m not tanned within an inch of my life and I’m not crazy. Well, not THAT crazy. Also I didn’t used to be a model and I wear bras. So I guess she and I aren’t so alike.
In other news I went to a fancy lunch today and was caught surreptitiously tweeting by the guy sitting next to me. “Are you hiding?” he asked, because I was crouched down hovering over my phone as if that wouldn’t be obvious. Also, everyone at this media lunch (it was in honor of three authors with new books coming out) was Someone and while I am Someone I am a different kind of Someone and so I felt kind of self-conscious especially when I explained that I’m illiterate. Then I spit out a tooth and told them that I’ve never been one for book larnin’ but I’m real good with my hands. Then I whittled a Grecian urn out of sweet butter and cremated a bread roll and put the remains in the urn. What kind of bread you ask? It was a rosemary almond loaf.
As for the small green cookies I regret that I didn’t grab more of them from the little cookie basket but I was trying to be ladylike.
Also, I’m on Red Eye tonight. It’s a last minute thingie. A last minute doohicky. A last minute foofaraw. A last minute whirligig. A last minute to do. A last minute affair. You guys, I’m totally doing this without a thesaurus! A last minute engagement. A last minute TV appearance. Uh oh, these are going in the direction of boring. A last minute thing. Shit, I lost it.
Ha Ha and Yippie!
Poop! I lost it too! *running to the bathroom*
Toddrod
P.S. “Shit” doesn’t seem like much of a curse word to me anymore cuz one of my cousins used to say “shit” all the time since she was 5 or 6 years old. It was so cute, that “shit” no longer feels “bad.”
“whirligig” gets my vote.
And don’t knock people who are real good with their hands. I once had a romantic weekend with someone who was not good with their hands. I was left bleeding, bruised and battered.
“Talking about last minute duties, HOLY SH*T I GOT TO START DOING MY TAXES RIGHT THIS INSTANT…”
“Shit” is not part of the extremely vulgar canon anymore, I believe.
Well, shit’s gonna be awesome with Alison Rosen shitting on fools on Red Eye!
It’s a good thing that while you were whittling away at your butter, you didn’t recite “Ode to a Grecian Urn” as that might have attracted unwanted attention.
You should probably explain what ‘whittling’ is to your younger readers as they might thing it’s the newest tech fad… like twittering on the wadio.
Debate rages about the origin of ‘shit’. Slang words and their sluttier cousins, profanity, are often derived from words mis-pronounced which over time become to be something differant altogether. My father’s nickname was ‘Buzzy’ which was because his sister in her young childhood pronounced the word brother as ‘buzzer’. My own intensive research into ‘shit’ has led me to believe that it was possibly derived from the Southern Yokel dialect of the word sheet, which when pronounced in Yokel correctly is heard as ‘sheeeeeeeeeet’. Legend has it that one such Yokel, amazed of his family actually owning a sheet (he was well off) would blurt out ‘sheeeet’ at inappropriate moments, leading others to believe he was cursing when in fact he was daydreaming of a fine nites sleep.
It is an amazing thing with this word. As far as I know, it’s still a no-no.
Years ago, I was watching “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” on a public tv station, (which were more permissive than commercial stations back in the day,) and it was the only word that was cut.
The ridiculous bloody battles, the sexual references, the butt naked cartoon people, everything was left intact, except for the word shit.
Why that word? It means poop! Doody! Crap! We can say those words, why not shit?
My theory is that it’s the all-purpose, politically correct sensor word. No one’s going to get up in arms about it.
And perhaps in the end, (not to mention from the end,) it’s the one thing in life that we can all count on.
After some more intensive research on the subject of shit…now keep in mind that intensive is a relative term…I mean how many people walk into intensive care only to lie around until their condition worsens and out come the paddles..and CLEAR! So I am thinking that shit could have derived from the common phrase of chit-chat. “man that was some great chit-chat we had the other day”…over the years is morphed into..’great chatting with you’..’that was some funny chit’..until one day it comes to a time and place where the “C” is difficult to pronounce…hence we have “shit-shat” which becomes plain old shit. Unfortunately due to the law of unintended consequences…they ended up banning Chitty Chitty Bang Bang there.