Don’t worry internet darlings! This morning I looked at my blog and saw that the last time I posted was Monday and I wondered how I’d fallen into this sorry state of non-posting. It’s not like I don’t have things to talk about. For one, I bought a lot of paper towels and toilet paper yesterday! That’s exciting! Also, I have important things to discuss about milk! And I talked to a few comedy manager people and all that’s been churning around in my brain like what happens in your stomach before you throw up. There’s essentially a tidal wave of stomach bile in my brain, so you can imagine what it’s doing to my hair. It’s not good. Perhaps that’s the reason the guy at the store recently fixed me in his steely gaze and despite all the progress we’d made recently (lately he’s just been saying “hello”) said “how you feeling? you feeling ok?” prompting me to realize that my imaginary illness has taken a turn for the worse. That was a long messed up sentence and I don’t care. I don’t care, people.
I do care, that’s the thing. I care deeply. I have half a mind to just go back to that sentence and fix it. But I’m not going to. Must move forward. Always moving forward. Except for when I’m looking back. Then I’m just moving forward but looking back and running into things.
Also, I think pre-conditions are the same as conditions. I’ve thought long and hard about this and I just think they’re the same. Are you with me? Let me know.
And I think I’m on Red Eye tomorrow. Yay!
be careful with Milk… it seems innocent but when you least expect it BAM! You’re smashed, and you wake up having written page after page of crazy milk induced fan fiction.
NO I AM NOT SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE.
Yay = you on RedEye!
I did miss your posts… you and Anna were both out of the loop for days and I was worried you were in some car crash on the way up to surprise me for my birthday which is in January… hence the surprise. Plan ahead Alison!
Hey, and what happened to your bunions trying to get signed headshots of you? That would rule! How about linking the donate button up to that. 😉
Welcome back Alison! I was missing your posts. I think I’ve become a little worried about something. Should you ever become famous, like, really famous, you may not have time to blog anymore. This would make me sad, because in your current state of celebrity, it seems as if you are slowly being taken away from us with the daily schedule. Now I’m so sad!
Toddrod
I feared the worst. I thought your underarm razor burn had become infected, forcing the doctors to amputate. Leaving you as an armless torso.
I was patiently waiting for you to learn to type using your toes, or perhaps that mind control twitter helmet.
Every uber star needs an entourage of sycophantic leaches. Perhaps when AMR makes it big she’ll have a casting call so you can audition for a spot.
Personally I’m hoping for the role as stalker.
I’m not going to lie. I’m experiencing some underarm itching. I imagine that’s the healing. Or my body is rejecting the grafts.
You’re right, “pre-conditions” is an oxymoron, just like “hot water heater”. You don’t heat hot water, people!
Oh Alison, we just added stop #5 on the Alison Rosen / Anna David Reality Bus Tour. It’s Brother Jimmy’s BBQ in Grand Central Station, lower level. We know how you and Anna love to stop there after taping Red Eye to chow down on some BBQ wings, rib tips, smoked brisket, hush puppies and South Carolina pulled pork. And then wash it all down with some Brunswick Stew.
Jimmy is even adding a couple of new dishes in your honor: the Alison Rosen BBQ Tuna-Taters and the Anna David South Texas Ground Beef Gyro.
Yum!
Joe – where does my house fit in on the Alison Rosen / Anna David Reality Bus Tour? Please make it a stop!
I agree. If there are conditions, then they must have been made beforehand, so they must be preconditions.
I want to hear all about milk. I love a good milk story.
And yes, I should hope that you’ll be on Red Eye tomorrow! If not, tell us, and I will go stand at that window in the back, and make mean faces at them the whole show!
“How am I going to respond to this blog with something related ? The redundancy of the letters PRE in PRECONDITION or how your not the only one with vomit in your head as we all had in the recent days as we were worried sick wondering were have you been lately. “
Hey Alison, how do you feel about me being your fake boyfriend? I can use it to make Natali jealous (she plays so hard to get) and you can take advantage of it however you like. 🙂
and yes, precondition = condition.
Long and messed up? No. It was Joycean. It was Faulknerian. Maybe not, because I really don’t know what those words mean. But it was funny. Precondition maybe describes hair just after the shampoo.
Can’t wait for Redeye, always entertaining when you’re on.
Missed your posts as well, welcome back.
I disagree with everyone, pre-conditions are totally different that conditions. I don’t really have anything to back that up, I just wanted to be different.
Give Bill a smack, light Pinch on fire and we’ll love you forever.
Mike
Those Swedish doc can do almost anything nowadays. Those pit transplant operations they perform make it seem like you never lost your pits, never had the heartache of your arms just attached to your shoulders.
And Remember: Milk is your friend, but not one who will pick you up at the airport.
Alison Rosen in da MOFO house! You are by far the sexiest New York comedian with pit hair that I know!
Joe! I will slip you an extra $100.00 if I can sit up front on the bus tour!
Can I have one of both: Alison Rosen BBQ Tuna-Taters and the Anna David South Texas Ground Beef Gyro.
The food that is!
hahaha… Ted is such a sweet talker.
Toddrod
Ted, for $100 I’ll let you DRIVE the bus!
I think the reason you are feeling so bad is because you are IGNORING the serious questions I have asked you over the last month.
You know, those questions that are unavoidable and won’t go away even if I stop asking them.
You should answer them and get out your thoughts on here. You’ll feel a lot better if you do that I can guarantee it.
Good luck with your comedy agent.
Ever think of doing an hour-long vlog special for us?
You could go both ways…either more scripted, like a routine, or having a big program of things to Rosenate about ex temore.
Or, just a reality show of you preparing meals and working on your showbiz contacts / talking to agent, etc.
There’s no turning back now, folks. At the end of last night’s Red Eye, they announced that Alison was going to be on tonight!
Rarely thrown up in my life, and it usually happens because my throat’s been irritated. My stomach has problems, but those don’t usually result in vomiting.