Being freelance affords you plenty of time to be sure you’re going nuts. I devote a small portion of each day to said endeavor, but sometimes the realization creeps up on you unannounced, such as when you find yourself having an argument with an egg.
Asshole
See, what happened is I was making my famous meringues which I’ve written about before. To make these you must separate the egg whites from the yolks and I recently started using an egg separator which is amazing and I recommend you all head out and buy one or just steal one from your sister which is what I did.
Egg Separator
So I crack the egg—one handed because I’m fancy—into the egg separator and then jiggle it to let all the egg white drip into the bowl. Big blobs of egg white are clinging to the yolk though and just hanging there despite my incessant jiggling. At this point I actually say, with a lot of anger behind it: “Oh come on you viscous piece of shit!”
It was strange and came out of nowhere, though, I mean, the egg totally had it coming.
Yeah that’s right. You go back to your egg house and think about what you’ve done.
Alison, you’re the only person I know who can get into an argument with an egg. An unfertilized one, I mean.
Very funny post!
last post was terrible, but then you go and TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF.
I once put all my eggs into my only basket. Upon driving to a friends house I had to stop short behind a car that was making an abrut left turn and was promptly rear-ended by the driver of a large SUV that was not paying attention. To my great sadness the basket was destroyed. However the eggs did come thru unscathed. The moral of the story I learned was never to put my one basket with all my eggs.
There was another occassion prior to the horrible accident when I had all my eggs in my one basket…but was forced to take out the eggs so that I could place the lotion in the basket….but that’s another mcblog.
your so damn cute it doesnt matter
what you say or do then again its what you say and do that is so adorable by the way i like mine scrambled
“So I cracked the egg-one handed because I’m fancy-” was my favorite line..wicked good stuff.Who hasn’t argued with an egg?, at some point in thier life.
You don't use the yolk?
The aborted chicken embryo is the best part!
btw~I picked up that Life & Style and you're not on page 80..you're on page 81.
I wonder, did you say to yourself before posting this, “The first one who references, ‘the yokes on you’ is banished from the blog.”?
Uh oh. I’m gone!
Never mind what the other guy said. The last post was great. I have incontrovertible proof: documents, graph charts, witnesses, body parts, etc. We’ve got a rock solid case.
BTW, How did that egg get back in the shell?
It’s perfectly fine to have a conversation with an inanimate object. However be careful because on some occassions they talk back.
What do you call a mischevious egg?
a: A practical yolker
“Oh come on you viscous piece of shit!”
Sexy talk? Yes, that very much fucking is.
Hi Alison,
You were great on Red Eye, you joke about only the dogs hearing it was the best one-liner of the night.
Hope you check out my art sometime. Going to do a lampoon about Obama’s bow soon.
http://ultra-renaissance.com/
Take care, I told my friend in NYC about your show on May 11 at the Park Side Lounge.
Mike.