Subscribe to my Substack!!!!

Who, What, Where, When, Why: Worst Case Scenario Edition

You always hear about the 5 Ws in journalism. You also hear about a 6th letter, H (How), but I don’t feel like messing around with that letter tonight. Take that, H! You think you’re so cool being the 8th letter of the alphabet. Well I hereby demote you.

Anyway, here are the 5 Ws that would mean things have gone horribly awry.

Who… did I sleep with?

What… did I sign?

Where… did this toe tag come from?

When… did I lose all this blood?

Why… is that gnome winking at me?

Share

0 Responses to Who, What, Where, When, Why: Worst Case Scenario Edition

  1. WFG March 16, 2009 at 10:01 pm #

    But when W stands for William, isn’t it W-Wonderful?

  2. warren the turd March 16, 2009 at 11:13 pm #

    So H being the 6th letter in the 5 W’s is like Pete Best was the 5th Beatle to the fab 4?It must suck being H. Breannaaa..thanks for saying you don’t think I smell.May well be the nicest thing anyones ever said to me.I agree that Alison is top drawer.

  3. Prototype 3: Rise of the Machine March 17, 2009 at 12:58 am #

    HAHAHA…fucking Alison and her gnomes…

    I was curious as to when gnomes would come up in a post again.

    You know you want a piece of that gnome!

  4. Joe March 17, 2009 at 4:58 am #

    I never cared much for the 5 Ws. I prefer the 5 Bs:

    – Broads, i.e. girls
    – Babes, i.e. girls
    – Bitches, i.e. girls
    – Booze, i.e. alcohol
    – Barbituates, i.e. pills

    But that’s just me.

    Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Miss McRosen!

  5. Falkenhayn March 17, 2009 at 10:19 am #

    A defense of the letter H: Hhas a long and storied History. In literature among others there are Homer, Dr. Suess’ (Suess’s) inestimable work Horton hears a Hoo and publishing magnate and Humanitarian Hugh Hefner.

    H should also be noted for its unique ability to sub-atomically alter the sound of other letters… see th, sh, ch, ph.

    In order to alleviate any negative conotations involving the letter H the spanish J can be substituted for such nazi baddies as Jimmler, Jeydrich, Jess, and of course Jitler.

    Finally, H is in the word diptHong and while I can’t remember what a dipthong actually is (though it may be th, sh., ch and ph) it is a great word and its awsomeness alone bolsters H’s already sterling reputation.

  6. Your BFF Ted March 17, 2009 at 11:03 am #

    Gnomes creep me the heck out!

  7. Your BFF Ted March 17, 2009 at 11:22 am #

    I knew Joe was a pill head!

  8. Prototype 3: Rise of the Machine March 17, 2009 at 12:13 pm #

    You forgot beezies, Joe, beezies!

  9. Toddrod March 17, 2009 at 12:55 pm #

    Joe forgot Bazoomers

    Just sayin’

    Toddrod

  10. Toddrod March 17, 2009 at 12:59 pm #

    How come when scientists talk about their “genome project” we are supposed to say “GEE NOHM.” However, when we talk about “gnomes” we have to say “NOHMS?” I wanna say “GEE NOHMS!”

    Toddrod

Site: Todd Jackson | Art Direction: Josh Holtsclaw | Original Logo: Kezilla | Show Music: Tom Rapp