1) Here I am smiling even though I was low. I mean, I’m not sure I was low, but even if I were I would be smiling. Even with a turkey that I know will fold! (I just looked up the lyrics to “There’s No Business Like Show Business”… it totally describes no part of my life. Foldable turkeys? Stealing bows? Butchers who are secretly unhappy because they get no applause? Angels coming from everywhere with lots of jack? What an absurd song!
First of all, it’s pretty hard to steal a bow unless you’re stealing the whole ship and who does that these days? Where would you keep it? That really only applies to people who have access to the open seas and that’s not me. Secondly, I would definitely clap for a butcher who could procure me a foldable turkey. And finally, I don’t even believe in angels but if I did I certainly don’t think they’d be carrying whiskey. I don’t even think they could drink with all the harp playing, so the idea that they’re flapping around playing harps and hitting the sauce is pretty ludicrous. But despite all that weighing on me, I smiled.
2) Here I am saying Pfleger sounds like Bobcat Golthwait, because he does.
I also was going to say that the relationship between Pfleger and Obama is tenuous at best and that I think holding Obama responsible for things Pfleger says is like if a Red Eye viewer ran for office and was held responsible for something a guest on the show once said. But then I didn’t say that because I was busy talking about my belief that the words “I apologize” are never sincere. “I’m sorry,” yes. But “I apologize,” no. Feel free to disagree with me. (I kind of shoehorned that in there since Pfleger actually said “I regret,” but apparently I’m passionate about fake apologies.)
3) Here I am facing a hard truth. I always thought my left side (seen above) was my better one but apparently I look great from BOTH sides.
4) Here I am answering Greg’s question about urine before discussing my personal shift to a zero-day work week.
5) Here’s where Greg and I talked to our giant kids about drugs. It seemed to be going in one ear and out the other, but I’m just hoping that on some level some of it sunk in.
6) And here’s where Greg was incredulous while I looked on disapprovingly.
It must be because you are familiar with the Red Eye boys, that you seem so relaxed and comfortable when I see you on Red Eye compared to other shows you have been on recently. It could be just the way television is, but on Chelsea Lately, I really felt like those other people just needed to shut up and let you talk. I think you should just have your own show. Your skills are being under-utilized as just a “guest.”
I hope that didn’t hurt your ability to get on other shows in the future. I am a big nobody! Don’t listen to me if you read this and work for some other show.
Toddrod
The kind of surprising thing about Chelsea is that I was just as I am on Red Eye during the taping—if anything I worried that I monopolized the conversation—and so when I saw the edited version I was stunned.
Still, very happy to have done it, had a great time, just not sure what to say when people tell me I should have jumped into the fray more. “But I did! You don’t understand!” is what I say.
Are you taller than Greg?
Wait, did they edit you out of Chelsea? I thought you were a bit quiet there, as well, but, like Todd said, I just figured you were put off by the live audience or something.
One of the things about Red Eye that really makes it work is its really unedited, live-to-tape feel. What would normally be considered as bloopers make it on the air all the time, and it just gives a really seamless feel to the show.
Did you see Bill host last week? I thought that was one of the funniest hours of TV I’d seen in a while.
When I looked at that first screen cap, the beloved voices in my head began to belt out Roberta Flack’s “The First Time Ever I saw Your Face!”
Did anyone else hear them? It was a touching moment. The “voices” are actually quite good doing a cappella.
—-
I warned you about the Chelsear Show! If you ever do get your own “Rosen Variety Hour” can I be your Chuy?
My butcher is OPENLY unhappy, even though I regularly applaud him (bravo! what succulent pork chops! encore, encore!). But really, you gotta give the guy a break – it’s a tough job cutting meat and chewing the fat all day.
I was just watching a good show on TV, but then there was a commercial about foot fungus and that kind of ruined it for me. There aren’t many things in life more depressing than foot fungus. Driving your car off a 300 foot cliff might be, although my car has some pretty formidable air bags so it probably wouldn’t be too bad.
You don’t believe in angels? Then how do you explain it when every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings? Huh? And who saved my butt years ago when I was driving on an icy highway in Minnesota and suddenly found myself going sideways in traffic?
Now I’m pretty good at going foreward and backing up (and I’m unparalled at parallel parking), but I have absolutely no experience driving sideways. So I’m pretty sure someone was helping me out. And it wasn’t the guy in the car next to me because he looked a little freaked out and didn’t quite know what to do either. And the woman riding with me had her eyes closed. That’s right – here I am about to lose a few limbs and 7 or 8 pints of blood and she wasn’t even going to watch!
So there you have it – absolute
proof that angels exist. An angel kept me alive for a little while longer so I could keep paying taxes and help build more bridges to nowhere.
Quote of the Red Eye Shots:
“I notice Bill’s got nice feet….”
—–Anonymous User
Thought this story in the news this morning was interesting: tinyurl.com/4cu8pl
Fifty-five days in a 29 foot rowboat (and rowing in 2 hour shifts) is insane. That means they need to finish around July 25 or earlier to break the record.
Now that I’m watching the 4th season of The Deadliest Catch, I’m not sure if I ever want to go on the ocean again.
Pfleger did actually “apologize” yesterday or the day before. I’m not sure if he was also “sorry” but my guess is not so much.
Why is Alison sitting in the back next to Greg? I thought the seat on the right was the hot chicks seat.
Alison isn’t on Red Eye to fulfill your adolescent wanton desires. She is there to represent an intellectually coherent point of view regarding today’s current events. If you want t&a, then you should buy yourself a Princess Leah action figure, Mr. Anonymous!
Toddrod
P.S. She is a hot chick though