So, I think I owe you my much ballyhooed prune observation, however I worry at this point that it’s been oversold, over ballyhooed, over trumpeted. Can it possibly live up to the expectation? Because this isn’t prune brilliance or prune enlightenment or any sort of shriveled bit of prunevana. It isn’t even a prune epiphany. If it were served over an omelette it might be prunes over my hammy, though. (incidentally, I used to hate puns. what happened?)
But here goes: the other night I’m looking at a can of prunes and the back says,
“For hors d’oevres, stuff a prune with a cheese wedge, a crunchy walnut or a chocolate kiss.”
If you could hear the reaction I had in my head to each suggestion it would sound like “uh huh…. uh-huh, okay… what the fuck?”
When has anyone ever shoved a chocolate kiss in a prune and why would someone ever? To make the prune more exciting? Or the chocolate less?
You know how they say that anything you can think of has been done? So like if you think of some incredibly perverted sex act involving a carrier pigeon, one that probably defies the laws of physics, you just know that someone, somewhere has tried it. The grossest most liquidy and arcane things you can possibly conjur have been tried.
And yet, I just bet no one has ever stuffed a prune with a chocolate kiss. If I’m wrong, I would like to hear about it. All you chocolate prune stuffers, make some noise.
I’ve never heard of stuffing a prune with anything, but then again I’m not exactly Wolfgang Puck.
Yeah, a chocolate kiss just doesn’t sound right. It’s almost like that sentence was written by someone on a Friday at 4:59:30 p.m. and just wanted to finish up in time to join some friends for happy hour.
If it sounds like I’m speaking from experience, yep… I’ve been there a few times.
But wouldn’t it be funny, I mean REALLY funny, if one day you actually shoved a chocolate kiss into a prune, ate it, and found out it was the most amazingly delicious thing you ever tasted? I mean like a flavor explosion so powerful that made you dizzy?
Probably not… but who knows???
It just sounds wrong. Like some freaky sex fetish thingy.
“Hey baby, wanna’ stuff a prune with a chocolate kiss?, Nudge, nudge, wink, wink…”
Wow, I just grossed myself out.
Quote of the Prunes:
“I once had a fantasy with that girl in the raisin box. I mean c’mon, who hasn’t ?
—Anonyous Quoter
You disgust me! Four days till your on red eye!