I woke up this morning sleep-blogging, or rather sleep-storming, or rather thinking about fodder for a potential blog post which struck me as brilliant in my not-awake state. It would have looked like this:
Very Specific Reassurances
1. They can’t vacuum forever.
2. ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (this is where I fell back asleep again)
Sadly I can’t see the appeal of this list beyond people whose upstairs neighbors vacuum for what seems like forever early in the morning.
In other news, I added to the list of articles I wrote recently and list of articles I wrote long ago (on the right side of this blog). It really breaks down to stuff I wrote for Time Out New York and stuff I wrote for the OC Weekly, so maybe some day I’ll change the way it’s labeled. The TONY stuff shows more restraint, but overall the OC Weekly stuff is probably more fun to read—arguably more creative—and I don’t quite know why that is. That’s not true actually, I do know why it is, but I’m still unsettled by it.
A real conversation between me and my coworker Art many years ago…
Art: My neighbors complained to the landlord about me again.
Me: Why?
Art: I don’t know. I guess I was running a circular saw at 2 the morning.
Me: Oh.
At first I wasn’t sure if vacuuming was a code in reference to your Red Eye comments!
I can’t believe you never saw Forrest Gump!
Joe, I laughed at your previous post about her dresser. It was a creepy but funny post. I so thought she would leave it for her favorite blogger Anonymous. I’m quite sure her favorite list goes something like this:
1. Anonymous
2. Michael
3. Joe
4. Random Fans
5. Fans who mistake her for Julia Alison
6. Foreign – Non English Speakers
7. Computer Bots
8. Dogs up for adoption
9. Ted
I may have dropped in the polls but I’m looking for a strong 2008 rebound!
Alison buy this dog:
In Tennessee, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: Talking Dog for
Sale. He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black Lab just sitting there.
You talk? he asks. Yep, the Lab replies. So, what’s your story?
The Lab looks up and says, Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms
with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.
The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired. The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, Ten dollars.
The guy says, This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?
The owner replies, He’s a liar. He didn’t do any of that shit
Crap, it didn’t give me a chance to edit my last comment…hopefully it came out all right! I’m a revisionist type writer!
FYI – The Tooth Whore link doesn’t work!
Dear Alison,
I am watching you right now (late Sunday nite) on Red Eye on Fox News. I adore you! I love you madly and want to buy you nice things.
And if you are not available, then maybe you can put me in touch with the lovely Suzanne Sena?
love,
Ravi
Thanks Ted. The post was intended to be funny, not creepy. I was in a weird kind of mood yesterday morning though…
I had a premonition last night that Alison will live to be at least 118. Unfortunately that means it will be a while before I can get my hands on her dresser. Darn!
I’ve only seen parts of Forrest Gump. I’ve never understood why the movie was so popular. It seemed to me like a rewrite of Woody Allen’s Zelig (which I also didn’t like that much.)
Anonymous posts some good entries. He puts a lot of cool messages in Chinese fortune cookies too.
Dude, your post wasn’t creepy it was funny as hell! I was just messin wit cha…plus I’m confident I’m ranked higher than the non-english speakers.
I actually wrote a college essay one time called “If Forrest Gump was a Real Person.” It was about a 12 page essay if I recall and the teacher and class loved it. So I have somewhat of a nexus to that film.
What a game last night, huh? I was rooting for the Pats but I was impressed with both teams. I just can’t stand Plaxico Burress.
Here is my first quote of day:
Time Out New York Magazine, a publication I NOW prefer when the public restroom is out of toilet tissue. Warning that editor and chief section can be rough!