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Archive | words

what we talk about when we talk about salmon

Here’s what I’m wondering: You know on food labels where they list all the ingredients and occasionally there will be some info in parenthesis about what one ingredient does? How is it determined which ingredients they gloss, if you will? Because, for example, on the back of this box of Gorton’s Grilled Salmon fillets I’ve come to learn that Sodium Tripolyphosphate is added “to retain fish moisture” (mmm… fish lube!) and Sodium Laurel Sulfate is added for lather, but it’s not like I know why Disodium Inosinate or Disodium Guanylate are in there. But Propyl Gallate is added to protect flavor. Probably from flavonoids!

Propyl Gallate is a good name for something which protects something. It’s very gallant. It’s like the “Lance” of the food label world.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go barf from thinking about the phrase fish lube.

Ginny, if you are reading this, I’m sure that:

a) it freaks you out that I just mentioned your name, and
b) fish lube isn’t as disgusting a phrase as fish moisture

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"promoterol"

I think I just heard this word in a commercial for some kind of asthma drug. I may have misheard it, however if it exists (as a made-up word) I think it’s:

a) awesome
b) something PR people should take
c) something publicists run on
d) something publicists run their car on
e) something you could accuse someone of taking if they’re acting too self-promoting
f) like “what the fuck, are you mainlining promoterol?”
g) or “someone took their promoterol…”
h) or, if someone is being overly self-deprecating you could wonder if they FORGOT to take their promoterol!
i) god, possibilities: endless!
q) I’m tired of the alphabet
w) so this guy and I were once talking about what we wanted on our tombstones
k) I’m fighting the urge to make a pepperoni joke
x) and I said “she liked words”
e) and then I added “more than people”
s) I forget what he said
p) I kind of suck
v) I mean, not in general, but just, if you’re having that kind of goth conversation you should really remember what the other person said

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