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My imitation of me

Hey you guys. Don’t be scared by the new design. I’m still the same old gal except now my name is Debra and I enjoy putting together fruit baskets. Not eating them, cuz I’m watching my carbs, but designing them. Edible bouquets, I call them. Sometimes other gals will ring me up, you know, on the old telly and I’ll be like MARGE it’s for you because I always assume when someone’s buzzing us on the horn that it’s gonna be for MARGE because she’s popular and spells her name in all caps. MARGE I say, yelling at the top of my lungs, PICK UP THE PHONE. She never does though because she died four years ago. Bet you didn’t see that coming. Frankly I didn’t either. I thought she was still in the other room painting her toenails and being a royal pain in the ass with the way she’s always talking about Italy.

Anyway, so Ma Bell is just blowing up and no one’s answering. Who could that be giving us a jingle jangle? Who’s buzzing? What the hell was I talking about? Dammit I forget. Oh yes, sometimes ladies will give me the old honkaroo wondering if I can design a randy fruit basket for a bachelorette party and that is where I draw the line. No funny stuff with bananas. That’s not the kind of business I run.

But none of that was what I was going to say and none of that is my imitation of me. My imitation of me is as follows. Oh and by the way this is my imitation of me while working on the new design for the blog with Andrew Mager who is awesome:

Hey so do you think we could try this photo instead?
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Wait, what about this one?

2781_74818821719_555066719_2165050_2751032_n

Hm, I thought I would like that one but what about this one?

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Hm, what do you think? Let’s try this one.

n555066719_1953601_377223Don’t hate me but could we try this one?

picture-1I don’t know what I want to see there, can you make a collage? Of all of them? But not that one? How about this one?

picture-3Wait, what about this one?

GOD DAMMIT WHERE IS THAT DUCKLING PHOTO? This is all MARGE’S fault.

Oh, you haven’t gotten up to pee all day and your butt just fell asleep? Ok, how about one more quick thing? How about just this photo?

And by that what I mean to say is that if you’re working with me you get to see a lot of photos of me and that is truly its own reward.

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Here's me on Geraldo

Thanks to Joe McDonald for making this so fast that I’m pretty sure he had made it before I even appeared on the show. If I’d known I could have watched ahead of time to hear what I had to say.

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Not to be a total girl…

but I just shed a few tears… because I felt overwhelmed! And misunderstood! And get this, not because I’m overwhelmed with work, because I am, but overwhelmed with having to wrap presents.

I mean really.

And speaking of female matters, as someone who possesses ovaries and a television set I felt it my duty to attempt to watch Grey’s Anatomy last night. I say attempt because I had trouble caring. I mean, the scene where they had to apply constant pressure (i.e. hug) the Asperger’s doctor? Give me a break. And then the scene where … OH SPOILER ALERT… I should have said that earlier. Sorry. Anyway the scene where Yang hugs the war doctor even though he’s saying no and freaking out? You really can’t hug the unwilling. I mean, sometimes you can, but more often you can’t. Ducklings though, you can soothe by making a little nest with your hands and holding them tight and they’ll relax and fall asleep. Full grown human beings are harder to fit in your hands, I find.

Also, I have many thoughts about The Real World. Perhaps I will share them. But not now.

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Where to see me on TV. Also, when to see me on TV.

Greetings my little yule logs,

I think this might be a repeat of info you already have. But anyway…

Just a note to say I’ll be on Red Eye tonight. So will Jim Norton. Please watch or else Jim will cry. (Red Eye, Fox News Channel, 3am EST, check local listings. This is on Thursday night/Friday morning.)

And then tomorrow morning (Friday morning) I’ll be on The Morning Show with Mike & Juliet talking about how to look ten pounds slimmer for your holiday party. Tip number 1: stand next to a fat person. (OK so that’s not actually one of the tips. It’s just good thinking.)

(Check local listings for Morning Show with Mike & Juliet. It’s on from 9am to 10am in New York on channel 5. You can check local listings here: http://www.mandjshow.com/about-the-show/)

Hope you’re staying warm unless you’re in a warm place and then hope you’re staying cool. I guess what I’m really saying is that I hope your holidays are room temperature.

Alison

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I'm packing again

I’m packing again to go back to New York in the morning. I finally felt well enough tonight to leave the hotel after shooting. You’re welcome, Toronto. About the show: It’s called Switch and it’ll be airing on TVTropolis in Canada. Hopefully it’ll also air in the US at some point after that. If not, I expect you all to take a trip to Canada to see the episodes I’m on.

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