Archive for the ‘OC Weekly’ Category
On last night’s show, the very first Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend of the new year, we started talking about the band Zebrahead for some reason which allowed me to remind everyone that I’ve been to the Playboy Mansion three times, which I like to work into as many conversations as possible. Here’s the story I mentioned writing about Zebrahead shooting their video at the mansion.
While trying to find the above stories I just stumbled onto this. I think I’m on wikileaks.
Oh and listen to me on Adam Carolla’s show this week!
Naturally I have a google alert set to my name. Usually I just receive news of my own blog posts and occasional bikini contests however today I learned my video with Michael Showalter about a ton of stuff but not including pot smoking has been included on a site called How To Smoke Weed. See the above alert. You can imagine the pride with which I am beaming.
Talk of pot seems to be sticking to me like resin ever since I jokingly mentioned the phrase “dank nugs” on my show on Sunday. You guys, I was joking. I’m far too boring to smoke pot these days, though I’m in favor of people being free to do what they wish, so long as I don’t have to try to converse with them after they’ve done it.
But my oeuvre is not without the occasional pot story. Here, love this. But keep in mind it’s from 2000 and not that great.
Also, took me like six tries to type oeuvre.
P.S. I can’t remember what’s actually in the video with Showalter. For all I know we did talk about pot but I don’t think so. But now I’m suddenly remembering that we did talk about drugs in a radio interview. But still.
Today I went to the dentist and received confirmation of something I’ve long suspected: my gums look fantastic. “All that flapping’s paid off!” I didn’t say to the hygienist, as there were dental instruments in my mouth and plus, no one likes a smug gum show-off. Then the dentist himself came in, nodded in agreement over the fantasticness level of my gums and inquired as to whether I was still wearing my night guard and grinding my teeth. This struck me as odd, since I neither wear a night guard nor grind my teeth. Then he assured me if I get super famous he can do porcelain veneers. “Ah, probably won’t have to do that,” he said upon reflection. I’m hoping this was more a referendum on my teeth than my chances at achieving “super fame.”
The whole thing made me think of this story I wrote a million years ago. Incidentally I will be seeing said tooth whore, the subject of the story, tonight. People with fantastic teeth/gums must stick together.
Anthony Pignataro and I used to work at the OC Weekly. He always wore shorts, hence the invention of his alter ego, Tony LongPants, who wears pants. I think this amused the rest of us more than it amused Anthony, as you’ll see when I bring it up. Anthony lived in Maui for many years after Orange County and worked as the editor-in-chief of the Maui Time Weekly. He’s written a book called Remember The Technicolor Dreamboat: And Other Tales of Maui’s Misfits featuring some of those stories which you can buy here.
I briefly mentioned graffiti. This is the story I was referring to.
And here’s Anthony’s account of the Rick Dees run-in.
Back when I worked at the OC Weekly we’d do a joke issue on April Fools. One year we put a fake band, The Pocket Clowns, on the cover. I wrote a follow up piece the next year. This is that story. Some of the humor is local and time-specific but some of it holds, I think:
More photos of me? If you insist. I was on my mom’s computer looking for porn (note: not looking for porn) when I found these photos that I must have put on there when they were emailed to me and I was using her computer and etcetera. Plus, since Anna David posted on the Activity Pit that she wasn’t afraid to trot out some Alison Rosen material and then Joe asked for some baby pictures I thought I might beat them to the punch. Not that they actually have access to my baby photos, but you know. So, shall we?
Here I am being tuff with the band, hanging out on a car. That’s the kind of outlaw shit we did in OC. We didn’t even play instruments, just hung out on fully-hotrodded titz rides. In fact, I’m surprised there aren’t any flames on the side of this vehicle. There’s very unusual.
Here I am holding a baby. Come and get it quick men, I think I just ovulated. Oh and if you happen to click on this photo let me say right now that I don’t know what’s up with my eyebrow. I must have shaved it like that in prison. [update: maybe this isn't the photo but there's a photo of me like this where it looks like there's a Vanilla Ice-style notch missing from my eyebrow, hence the explanation. The unnecessary explanation.]
I kind of love The Girls Next Door. What can I say, guess I’m just a regular red-blooded American male.
Okay, never mind then.
*Incidentally, my friend Trevor and I decided that there was no good reason [whatever-they're-calleds] should stop with once, twice, thrice so we’ve added quarce, quince… oh crap. I now forget the rest of them. This is what happens when you invent a language. Is this what the minds behind Esperanto experienced?
Update! I found them:
once, twice, thrice, quarce, quince, since, sense, doublequarce, nince, and tence.
we also considered dince or dunce and then decided to keep all three as a regional thing. For example, the North says tence, the South says dince and Canadians say dunce. Then we ate paste.
At the gym again, toning my hexagons, perennials and robots and I really don’t feel like being here. I don’t want to feel the burn, I want to feel a snack and then a nap. So I’m going to do what I do when I am forcing myself to stay here: cry. Okay, now I’ll blog and I was thinking this might be a good time to answer all those questions FAQ style, except the formatting will likely be all messed up. Deal with it.
Do you really write those posts from the gym!
Why are you always in the newsroom on Red Eye?
I get this one all the time and I’ve been in the studio, in both chairs at different times, however that was before I suffered a horrible accident and lost my left foot. In what can only be viewed as a horrible miscalculation on the part of the medical community and also the veterinary community, they grafted the foot of a duck onto what was left of my stump. Infection and deformity resulted, but I won the women’s freestyle and butterfly strokes in the olympic trials so it’s not without benefit.
Do you eat foie gras?
What am I, some kind of cannibal?
So then when people say “Is there a duck in here?” around you, is it actually a reference to your webbed foot!
When’s your band playing?
Never. Unless we reunite for a wedding of one of the members or a short west coast tour which I’m trying to beat the drum loudly for but likely won’t happen.
Beat the drum loudly? I thought you played guitar.
You’re awfully literal, you know that? I do or rather did play guitar, Amelia Bedelia, but since you ask, here is a fun fact: I was the drummer before we had one who was actually good.
Um, what else?
I don’t know, you’re the one asking the questions.
Right. Is your hair really black?
Yes. I used to lighten it actually.
Are you goth?
I prefer ‘realistic.’ I’m just kidding. I’m not goth, damnit, although I do remember that when I started working at the OC Weekly years ago someone told me that they thought I was just some ’sullen intern.’ I promptly had them fired.
How long have you lived in New York?
Where did you go to college?
Yeah, because I really get this one frequently! You are too much!
Pomona College. It’s a small liberal arts college in Claremont, California. It was also the facade of Eastland in the credits for Facts of Life, but that’s not why I went there, I swear.
Who’s your favorite Facts of Life girl?
Can’t choose, don’t make me.
Have you been listening to “Why Do You Let Me Stay Here” by She & Him on repeat for days?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry