When you live in New York you don’t spend a lot of time in people’s bedrooms. It’s quite possible to be good friends with someone and have seen their apartment once or never. I like to imagine that when we all grow up and are married and have children this magically changes, however I also figured by now I wouldn’t need to call my parents across the country when I’m lost or filling out forms I don’t understand.

Anyway, over the weekend I saw my friend’s Koryn’s apartment and the minute I walked into her bedroom I fell in love. I can’t figure out exactly what it was, something about the way the light was streaming through the windows and the symmetry and the plants. The weird thing is that normally I’m not a fan of red—I’m a fan of blue and white and green and purple and cool tones—however it works in her room and feels very peaceful. So I had to take a photo so I could try to figure out what it is that I’m responding to.

When my sister and I filed for our imaginary trial separation she kept the garbage can and I kept the cheese grater. I don’t grate cheese but I’ll be damned if she’s going to get everything, you know? And since then I’ve had this situation going on.

Every time Dustin sees it he says, “I see you still have the hanging trash bags.” It’s almost as if he finds it unsightly. The truth is that I also find it unsightly though and so I need to get a real adult trash can. One that smokes and drinks but also goes to bed early. I’m thinking I want one of those fancy stainless steel numbers with the pedal. They’re expensive though and I don’t want to throw my money away. Get it? A trash joke!

So here’s where I turn to my trusty readership or refuse-familiar dude bros to ask for some suggestions for what kind of can I should get. Won’t this be fun? I think so! Sort of like when I went insane with the couch. Yay for us all!

And I’ve already lined up a special guest for today’s vlog! Woohoo!

There is a disgusting smell in my parents’ dryer. At the time of this writing the smell has actually come out of the dryer and is funking up the hall. I would describe it as a pile of bile but my dad thinks it’s “just rotten smelling.” I’d also allow “a bile pile.” Anyway, it’s probably a mouse or rat in the piping. I wondered if it would be better if it were a bird or kitten. I can’t decide. Anyway though, this conversation just happened:

ME: So wait, does that mean rat gas is getting blown all over my clothes?
MY DAD: no, it’s going the other way
MY MOM: yeah, other way.

Phew!

on your wood floors, I don’t recommend cough syrup. I recommend diet soda, preferably a clear diet soda like diet 7-up or diet sierra mist or sprite zero. Fresca too, if you’re in a pinch and simply must spill something.