Archive for the ‘god I love me’ Category
My bite has been damned with faint praise
Reblogged from The Activity Pit:
Alison’s Beauty SecretsWhatever the occasion, Alison always manages to look her best despite living a busy cosmopolitan lifestyle. How does she do it? Blessed with natural beauty, are there other steps she takes to enhance her appearance?
Below is an analysis revealing Alison’s beauty secrets.
Look, Spaceagent, if that’s your real fake name, I suffered 4 years of braces and the best you can say is that I have “normal” jaw occlusion? You WISH you occluded so well.
(I’m kidding. I’m flattered that you think I have no open sores.)
Phoebish!
Because I post my chats with Wendy over here, by default, all other chats go here:
me:I can’t lie to my public. I’m like Eva Peron Andy: in many ways.
I think
it’s funny when people stand gloves up on things so it looks like they’re waving. For example there is a glove standing up on the ledge above the mailboxes downstairs in my building and it made the experience of checking my mail, and discovering that 290 buckaroos of a health claim weren’t covered because reason number code here etc a little friendlier.
Also I took my sad little bundle of laundry to the place across the street this morning hoping to get it there in time to get it back today but I’d missed the cut off. I asked the woman what time they could have it tomorrow. She answered and I frowned. She paused and then told me to try the place next door because they can have it done in time. It was all very Miracle on 34th Street but with more socks.
Finally I’m gearing up to write a big FAQ about the current events of my life. I probably won’t actually do this. But wouldn’t it be awesome if I did?
Oh and Wendy and I posted!
puppies, cash, two weeks notice
The following was sent to the staff to announce my decision to go freelance. Now there’s actually a voice in my head telling me not to post an internal memo, but this one is so nice that I’d like to tattoo it on a butt cheek, except then I’d have trouble reading it:
“After 3+ glorious years providing TONY with one of its more distinct and stylish voices, in everything from music reviews to Ed Koch exposés, Alison Rosen is moving on. She’s jumping into the freelance waters and will remain actively involved as a contributor to TONY, but we’ll miss her breezy way with words, quick wit, and masochistic eagerness to get up at 5am every Saturday morning to do TV for TONY. Her last day is 1/31. Please join me in wishing her well and demanding that she not lose touch.”
So, you’re likely wondering why I’m doing this and what I’m doing next. I will keep you posted.
If anyone would like to give me a mountain of cash and a puppy, I would entertain that offer.
Crapload of clips (from a bunch of shows)
Look, it’s ME-bonanza! A festival of ME! A ME-palooza! A Me-varee! A ME-ding! A ME-splosion! I could keep going. Also, completely unrelated, I was thinking lately how much I enjoy brainteasers and riddles and things so if you know any, leave them in the comments!
Harvey Keitel enjoyed me
That’s what he said after I interviewed him today.
Weird
How odd is it that just when I say I need my comments, they get stuck in some comment holding place? Some comment purgatory? Some comment queueueueue? I think it’s weird. And it makes me feel powerful. I just haven’t figured out how yet to harness that power. So I have a post banging around in my head about how people keep confusing me with Julia Allison (and her with me) and yet I can’t quite bring myself to write it for fear of exacerbating the situation or appearing to somehow want to glom on to her internet popularity. In fact, I think the whole phenomenon of her (and it’s likely just a local thing) is something warranting some kind of boring academic semiotics based discussion and yet I won’t do it, because I don’t want to be responsible for any attention about the attention (meta-attention? metattention? blech), good or bad. But I will say that at first it was just fan letters and the occasional question that had nothing to do with me (“You’re really good friends with Rachel Sklar, right?” to which I’d say “No, you’re thinking of Julia Allison.”) (I’ve also received questions about Halloween costumes I had no intention of wearing, compliments on my HD debut, questions about why I hadn’t been on Red Eye lately when I’d been on the night before, etc. I don’t know what she gets about me, but she told me she’s gotten mail meant for me. But then a Fox security guard told me he gets us confused because “you look just like each other” which takes this to a whole new level because I thought it was the name and the TONY association plus maybe the dark hair. So, that’s weird, because looking like her is very much not how I see myself, though I’m becoming more and more aware that I don’t see myself as I appear. Um, I lost my train of thought. Okay then!
