Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend

more 1 Things from the TONYblog

Yesterday I told you that tonight your 1 Thing was going to be a wine festival and I’d be a no-good liar if I changed my mind, now wouldn’t I? But then again in yesterday’s post I told you I was a horrendous liar, so I’d be a liar if I kept my word. I’m like a logic puzzle! If I had a twin who was standing in front of a door and behind one of us was the door to freedom and behind the other, Bob Barker, which would you choose, provided you were allowed to ask only one question but knowing that I only wear pants on days starting with T and my twin only wears pants on days starting with S and she has six hatboxes and only four hats, one of which has to be returned to Marta by 3pm on Sunday?

If you enjoyed that, you’re a masochist.

Wait, no, what I meant to say is that if you like games you’ll love our Games issue (available online tomorrow). I tried to do some of the puzzles last night before getting frustrated by the cryptic crossword, which is the caviar of crosswords I’ve been told, which is why I recommend putting it in the fridge for about four hours and then eating it with a dab of sour cream.

now I’m just posting them out of order

Because you never miss an opportunity to get three sheets to the wind, which incidentally is a sailing term, sailor, I was going to recommend you take your enlarged liver and ruddy, bulbous nose to a wine festival, but then I realized that actually that wine festival is tomorrow, which leaves you with precious little to do tonight. Fear not, my prize melons! Tonight you’ll be tapping, high-kicking, macarena-ing, hustling, sprinklering, cutting the deck, and shuffling, cabbage patching and more at Midsummer Night Swing at 6:30 at Lincoln Center. Now, I should warn you that I’m a horrendous liar—an horrendous liar to be exact—and so really you’ll just be swinging and salsaing and doing that thing where you stand in place and bop around like you did to Def Leppard in seventh grade. But if you were to unleash a little Roger Rabbiting, I can’t imagine it would be greeted with anything but amazement, because your moves are magnetic, which is why I’d appreciate it if you’d stay away from my hard drive.