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Chris Gethard

Comic, writer, actor and father Chris Gethard (Beautiful/Anonymous, Career Suicide) joins the show. We talk about his move to New Jersey, his secret bromance with Tony, fatherhood, the arc of his unconventional talk show The Chris Gethard Show which started as a live UCB show, went to public access and then cable, depression, almost needing to go to a mental hospital during the pandemic, confronting trolls, meeting his now-wife while naked, my history with his wife (our bands played together years ago), his comedy special Half My Life, knowing success doesn’t bring happiness, Morrissey and so much more. We also took your questions and did Just Me Or Everyone and HGFY.

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Daniel Let Me Finish The Puzzle!

I’ve talked on my podcasts about this super difficult Edward Gorey puzzle I bought on Amazon because it was the only one that would arrive in any sort of timely manner. If it were up to me I would have bought something much more colorful and cheesy but monochromatic goth it is. Anyway, this puzzle has been sitting on our dining room table for days now and Daniel has been slowly chipping away at it. I recently walked in to find it like this (the above photo). He wanted to let me finish it.

On the one hand I’m insulted by how patronizing this is. On the other, putting those final pieces in was both easy and satisfying and when I strike it rich, after I put an ice skating rink and a salad bar, I’m probably going to hire a puzzler.

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Schedules and Baking

One of the first things my therapist suggested to me when we had our first Facetime session was to make a schedule down to the hour. She said she was recommending this lockdown work from home strategy to all her clients. I both saw the benefit of the suggestion and also knew I wasn’t going to do it. I’m not an hour by hour schedule kinda person.

Weeks later I finally made a very barebones schedule and I’m surprised at how much better I felt when I did it. Here’s what it looks like and it’s basically the same for each day. It just has basic kid stuff on it (Elliot breakfast, Owen breakfast, Owen nap) but it’s nice to have it written out and not have to worry about holding it all in my head each day. And it also makes the day feel slightly more routine which I like.


Uh oh I think something weird is happening with formatting. Is it? We shall see.

Also I’ve finally succumbed to the urge to bake. Actually that makes it sound like I’ve had the urge and I’ve been fighting it and that isn’t true. I just mean it seems like everyone is baking and now I am too.

It started because I was looking for a project I could do with Elliot and my friend Wendy posted a recipe for bread which she said she found easy. I’ve never made bread before.

Since it’s impossible to find yeast in the store (wait here is some. maybe I stand corrected? you know, if you want an assload of yeast) I asked my mom if she could mail me some since my dad used to periodically make bread so I suspected she was sitting on some.

Yesterday we made the bread and I so quickly lost sight of the fact that it was supposed to be a project to pass time with a three year old and instead worried about the mess and that he wasn’t kneading correctly.


When he left to go play with his toys I was slightly relieved as I could finally do the bread PROPERLY. Am I proud of this? Am I proud of my bread perfectionism? I am not. By the way I’m not even eating carbohydrates right now so it’s all extra silly. (Daniel and Elliot loved the bread though which made me feel good.)

Daniel assured me Elliot still had fun, and I think he did. I just didn’t feel like I excelled at this particular mom challenge.

I was a lot more patient today when we made Fiber One muffins (recipe on the back of the box). I have a kid who LOVES and requests Fiber One cereal. He also loves prunes. He will make a great old person.

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Hello from Quarantine

I’m writing this while one kid has a dirty diaper that needs to be changed (“No, I tell YOU,” he has said when I’ve suggested changing it. HE IS THE ONE WHO TELLS!) and another who has woken up from a nap and is playing by himself in his crib but still, I should get him. And it would be easy to say this—these kids, this life taking care of these kids—is why I haven’t written or been writing. I don’t think that’s right though. Frankly I am surprised at the dull mute potato that barely thrums between my ears where my brain used to be.

It feels like a cruelly surreal version of my least favorite month which is August. Long before I had actual reasons to despite it (a couple deaths of humans and dogs close to me), I already loathed it because it’s brutally hot. When I think of August I think of cassette tapes melting in the back of a car—specifically Aerosmith’s Greatest Hits and specifically the top back part of the backseat which really, why did I put my tapes there? Anyway, August reminds me both of destruction and of stasis. A tape just sitting there melting because of the heat. That particular mindset, of a slow destruction that sets in while you hold still is similar to what I am feeling during lockdown. It’s, for me, the antithesis of whatever the urge to write is. The urge to write is dynamic and cold and crisp and active. Lockdown is hot and still and scary.

Anyway, what’s happening right now is historical and I think we always imagine ourselves in the midst of poignant historical dramatic moments and wonder what we’d do. I would have thought I’d do more. At the very least I would want to communicate about it, to record it, to add my voice to it. Turns out that’s a fictional version of me. One that is glamorous and thoughtful and vibrant. This dull mute me just wants to get through the day. However I am forcing myself to push through and try to write. At the very least (and also the very most I think) I will try to write daily here. Will I make a new tab to indicate these quarantine posts? I am getting ahead of myself! Anyway, I think I’ll wait until a few build up before announcing that I’m writing these because I know myself well and I am good at starting projects that I don’t finish.

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Joe’s Fake Limp, Jordan’s Jean Jacket, A New Zealand Quiz

Joe Kwaczala has returned—what a speedy return!—and he once faked a limp until his mom intervened. He also has a crazy track record of calling into radio stations and winning. Jordan Morris doesn’t know anything about how to fix your phone so stop asking him. Also, he’s denim jacket guy now and he’s here to talk about rinses! Alison once split her pants on the way to The Cheesecake Factory to see a guy who had a crush on her friend. Plus a New Zealand quiz! Play along at home!

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Baby Product Must-Haves

Oh hi. I started this awhile ago and it’s been sitting in my drafts folder but I hesitated to post it because what am I, some kind of mommy blogger? However recently I decided MAYBE I AM and so here it is.

 

Having a baby is 1% pushing a human out of your body and 99% buying things online. At least that’s been my experience. And once I realized how much stuff we were going to need I felt overwhelmed with all the infinite products and choices and the sense that I had to have everything ready before the baby arrived (this turned out not to be true and everyone tried to tell me but I didn’t listen.) Going to an actual brick and mortar baby superstore (in our case Buy Buy Baby) where they had whole walls devoted to things I didn’t know I needed only ratcheted up my anxiety. Now that I’m on the other side of it I realize how much you really don’t need everything right away and how much, though there seem to be infinite brands and products, everyone seems to end up with the same few items from the same few brands. I cast a pretty wide net and ended up with some can’t-live-without items, some useful items and some stuff I use far less than I thought I would. Here’s my list of can’t-live-without items:

 

Exercise Ball: I don’t know when an exercise ball became the go-to baby soothing device over a rocking chair (we have both) but the baby world is nuts for balls. When Elliot was a newborn, holding him in my arms and bouncing on the ball stopped his crying almost immediately. It was magical. These days I still use it multiple times a day and even bought another one because I’m tired of trying to carry a baby and a giant ball from one room to another. (I also bought another baby that I keep in the other room with the new ball. Now I’m truly hands free!) Also near the end of pregnancy when I could no longer sit comfortably in a chair at my computer or while recording my podcast I sat instead on the ball. I know it’s supposed to be a bit of a workout but it never feels like one to me which probably means we have the wrong size ball.

Rock N Play: Confession: we put an expensive bassinet—one which came highly recommended—on our registry and my mother-in-law generously sprung for it. I so badly wanted it to work and I am still trying to make it work (it’s still taking up a TON of space next to my bed don’t even get me started) but Elliot just prefers the Rock n Play. The downside is there’s some concern that the Rock N Play can lead to flat head syndrome and Elliot’s head is not un-flat. But I know tons of kids who slept in rock n plays at the beginning and have perfectly shaped heads so it clearly doesn’t cause problems for every kid. (Update: Elliot now sleeps in his crib but occasionally naps in the RnP. Might I recommend these crib sheets?)

(more…)

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Well, actually

It’s literally less than one minute since I finished that that post and I have to admit I’m not really feeling hopeful. Determined, yes. Silly, maybe. Sleepy, definitely. Joke here, always. But hopeful? That was a reach. I want to feel hopeful. I want to put a hopeful foot forward. But for right now let’s just say it’s Monday and I’ve already blogged twice which is a hell of a lot more than you’ve done unless you’ve already blogged twice in which case are you feeling hopeful? Let me know. I’m pretty open to whatevs.

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Hot Streak Re-Starting

Okay so I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that the most recent hot streak did not continue uninterrupted as hoped. I have failed you and also, myself. But because I am 10 percent hair products and 90 percent GRIT, I am picking up right where I left off and resuming the hot streak. Here we go. Feeling very hopeful.

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Not Letting This Streak Cool Off

Today is one of those days where I would rather just lie in bed and do nothing however I had dragged myself to the computer where I am writing this blog post and also doing other stuff I have to do. But let’s focus on this blog post shall we? I can feel it’s going to be a thing of beauty and yet also be short. It’s the Salma Hayak of posts. Anyway, for the first time since starting Lexapro I am depppppprrrrresssssssssseddddddddddddddd. That’s how the mood feels. All stretching out and oozy and blah. It’s actually kind of amazing that I hadn’t felt any of that for as long as I’d gone. I forget now how long. 6 weeks? I could find out. Hold please. I started at the very end of July. So a little over 6 weeks. But it takes some time to begin working. Anyway, it really curbed the depression although it didn’t ameliorate the anxiety. But it helped. But now I feel blah and oozy and icky again. It started a couple days ago when we saw a funeral procession on the highway and then I was hit with a wave of sadness and I was like, “What is this feeling that I haven’t experienced in so long? Oh yes, it’s sadness.” And then I’ve been spiraling a little ever since in terms of taking a tour through all my old unpleasant-to-experience emotions and now here I am back home in depressionland and for me, depression is more debilitating than anxiety. Anxiety is uncomfortable and unpleasant but depression makes me want to not do anything. Hence the feat of writing this blog post. By the way lest you read this and worry about me, don’t. I am fine in the big sense! Just feeling a little blue. Also I’m seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow which is perfect timing!

Um, anyway, now I’m wondering if this is how it’s always going to be with meds? They’ll work for short periods of time and then I will have to increase the dose until my body is 90 percent pharmaceuticals and 10 percent Refreshe Wild Cherry soda?

I still think it’s pretty amazing that I felt a freedom from this feeling for as long as I did because this is pretty much what I always thought being alive felt like (i.e. pretty crappy with moments of levity). I could say more and I feel I’m not quite articulating any of this as well as I could however I have to take a shower while Elliot’s babysitter is still here.

In sum: 1) I blogged 2) Don’t worry about me! 3) I shower!

By the way, this kind of feeling tends to go away when I’m working and specifically when I’m connecting with another human being and yet this feeling makes me averse to choosing to do any of that. But for past few weeks I didn’t feel this feeling even when I was all alone and doing nothing. Ok bye for real.

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