Oh Hi I’m Back Maybe Or Am I

I’ve decided I will be blogging more which is a decision I make slightly less than annually and of late I don’t execute the hot streak of non-stop blogging that I intend when announcing said decision and so I’m tempted not to even tell you. I’m tempted instead to be all quiet about it until suddenly it’s five years from now and I’m a critically acclaimed mommy blogger with multiple book deals, a merchandise line involving sassy aprons, webinars, Ted talks, 5 kids some of whom are likely multiples, a parrot because why not and more than one home. Also I will be blond at that point and my name will be Doreen. The thing is I don’t think I’m a mommy blogger. I’m a mom now, which is weird, and I have a website which has a tab for “blog” and I used to blog (and also vlog) frequently, so frequently that someone who’s on TV who was once my friend but then that friendship flamed out which is a longer story which I would love to be privy to since one day we were friends and the next we weren’t which apparently is kind of a pattern for this guy BUT ANYWAY we were all out in a group around the time I was really hitting the vlogs hard and I got up to use the bathroom which is my move when I need to pee and apparently he said something about how I’d probably posted 5 vlogs in the time I was gone. Or maybe, actually, he got up to get a drink and then came back and while I was out of earshot asked how many vlogs I’d posted while he was gone? The point is he made a snide comment about my voracious vlogging which was vigorous and vituperative. I’m going to have to look that last one up hold on. Holy shit it means bitter and abusive which totally works in this context although it’s a little more vociferous than intended. Uh-oh, hold again. It means vehement! Yet again I somewhat nailed it! I’m batting 1000 which is a sports reference. Anyway, that was the first whiff of our friendship falling apart and I forget what the next waft was but my point is I was doing Instagram stories and Snapchat when it was just called vlogging and it cost me a friendship.

But back to my blogging hot streak. I just read the above and it’s kind of hard to parse. Would Doreen employ frustrating run on sentences? Also, what kind of omelets would Doreen make? I feel like she does amazing things with farm fresh eggs and she collects egg cups.

Well it’s around that time that I’m going to need to no longer be writing this sentence but let it be known that it’s possible I will write more of them!