Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend

Oh hi!

This duckling also hasn’t been blogging

It’s been too long since I posted so I wanted to say hi. Hi!

Hope you had a good Thanksgiving and black Friday and cyber Monday and fiber Tuesday which isn’t a real thing but should be since why’s it all, “Hey, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday, fuck you!” I left out Saturday since there’s small business Saturday.

Anyhoozerswhatzits, I have to have surgery coming up since I have some ovarian cysts and an elevated CA 125 blood test and a family history of ovarian cancer so you can imagine how excited I am. How excited am I? Go ahead and imagine.

The chances of it being anything dire are very very remote from everything I’m hearing however I’m kind of scared all the same as I’ve never been put under general and prefer my body to be free of needles and scopes and things that cut things and also I like it when my blood stays inside my body as opposed to ends up in vials and wads of cotton and gauze and soups and sauces and glazes and demi glazes. Look, I’m not saying it’s standard practice to use patient blood in haute cuisine but I’m also not not saying it.

Perhaps you’re wondering why I assume it would be haute cuisine and not regular non-haute cuisine? I think that’s obvious.

So, yeah, that’s what’s happening and I’m kind of not into it and maybe I’ll run away.

After the Adam Carolla Show vlog 11/13/11

Here’s a video of me on a soapbox

And here’s a photo (photo not on soapbox)

Here’s where I pour my fat heart out

I would like to be past a lot of this. I’m not yet.

This would have been a blog post

Hello. Just wanted you to know that I wrote a whole blog post on the plane about things like lack of airplane wi fi and why I’m wearing two band-aids and also details about the Odd Jobs weekend and then it was accidentally erased and now it’s lost forever. Notice how I’m not taking responsibility for loss of said blog post? That’s because I blame everyone else. I blame you. How could you let it just fall through the cracks? That seems very un-like you and I question your motives and also your story. Seems too convenient. I don’t mean to be cynical or suspicious or skeptical or squinty eyed or distrustful or disdainful or other words however I just have come to the tough realization that I can no longer dig what you plant and thus will no longer be picking up what you’re laying down. I’m sorry. You best collect your things.

Also did you hear the new news intro song on the podcast? It’s delightful.

Also I had a long talk with Bald Bryan’s non-bald mom about curtains and Craigslist and now I’m all about furnishing my home with Craigslist finds instead of finds that involve walking into a store and not having to deal with strangers. Wait, I may have just talked myself out of Craigslist. But lest you think all I talk about these days is curtains I also talk about furniture and tables. And I think I’m going to start talking about mattress toppers.

I have a lot to say about the weekend and how nice everyone was and how cute the kids were and how I made a salad but that will just have to wait.

Clip from the show: Some thoughts on Justin Bieber

Hey look, it’s Larry Miller and me!

There was talk of donuts and butt pillows.