Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend

Movies I definitely didn’t watch last night

Written by Alison | August 28th, 2011 at 11:58 am | Comments

My boyfriend is a film nerd and as such he is always asking me if I’ve seen certain movies and then shaking his head and wondering why he asks when I inevitably tell him I haven’t. It’s not that I don’t like movies, it’s just that I don’t see very many of them and there are huge gaps in my viewing history. Look, you don’t get to be the kind of person who’s seen everyone episode of Facts of Life without sacrificing something and for me that was 1) seeing movies 2) a social life.

Actually it’s more like this: I have trouble voluntarily offering up two hours of my attention. I might need those two hours to think about something gnawing away at me or check twitter. It might be a control thing. I like to be able to control the flow of stimulation into my brain. And so then you’re probably thinking, fine, just watch movies at home, and sometimes I do but it’s just not the same.

All of that is beside the point though. The point is that every time we uncover another movie I haven’t seen we add it to the list of movies we will watch during our Movie Marathon. At this point the list is so long that if I plan to have children I better start watching five years ago.

And so occasionally I feel guilty if I watch a movie I’ve already seen or a movie which I know, going in, is a piece of crap. Not guilty because I demand better art for my eyeballs–they know the difference between quality and pablum, they just don’t seem to give enough of a fuck–but because it’s sort of akin to having 600 pounds of caviar in your freezer and deciding to eat plain ketchup instead. Or sardines. Or maybe some leftover wings. Or broken Triscuits. Or a Nerds Rope. I’ve spent too long on this analogy. Anyone?

For this reason we must never tell him that last night I watched this:

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  • Is he the fake baby daddy? I miss those books.

  • Bamrine

    Left over wings? Left....over? As in they weren't all eaten originally? Blasphemy!

  • Nick

    I miss your "zip it, c" on these blog posts...

    Valentines Day? Try "love actually", way better.

  • Colts22

    Are you going steady with your boyfriend?  Give him a promise ring!  Also - Valentine's Day... WHY?

  • TS

    1. "My casual fuck" sounds much more desperate and insecure than "my boyfriend."  If you think otherwise, I don't think you understand what desperation is.

    2. There's a phenomenon where people are more likely to watch movies that they don't feel they have to invest in- for example I've seen a hundred shitty horror movies via Comcast on Demand, etc, because I didn't want to take the time to watch something that I'd actually have to pay full attention to.  This also applies to movies which are familiar, which I'm more likely to choose over something that I haven't seen before, but is likely to be good.  For example, Exit Through the Gift Shop and Memento have been in my Netflix queue for months, but I watched Johnny Dangerously just a few weeks ago, because I hadn't seen in a very long time, and it felt easier.

    3. I read some quotation the other day noting that the happier a person is, the less likely they are to write.  So for many people, not keeping up on their blog etc. implies things are going well.  I hope this is the case.

  • And I, under a cloud of deep shame, watched most of "Bride Wars" on tv yesterday. Self-loathing isn't just for Jews. :)
     

  • stnuntrnd

    600 pounds of caviar - and the finest quality to boot! gosh, I don't know if freezing it is such a good idea. Why not sell it and buy a condo?

  • Alison, based on this revelation, my opinion of you has gone from the zenith to the nadir in one fell swoop. Not really. :)

  • a) phew! b) excellent use of zenith and nadir!

  • PHERASHREK

    Watching a movie is like starting a Diesel engine. It takes a while to get 'er warmed up, but when it does...

  • mugby

    Are we ever going to meet this young man Alison?

  • He's shy!

  • mugby

    I see. So he probably wouldn't feel comfortable going on Ustream and pencil dancing with a pair of giant sunglasses on?

  • Maybe giant glasses and a fake mustache!

  • boinkity

    That would be AWESOME!

  • To offset the tsunami of estrogen from Valentine's Day, I suggest The Hurt Locker. < Great Name For A's V.

  • with a name like "valentines day", its gotta be good.

  • So, where's the list of movies that you haven't seen?  I guess I'm interested to know just how insufficient your movie watching history is.  Maybe a top 5 or 10 would suffice...

  • Idguru

    Never start a piece with, "My boyfriend..." I stopped reading right there.

  • I know! I was tempted to phrase it some other way!

  • Idguru

    I like, "My casual fuck..." Makes you sound less desperate.

  • boinkity

    How about "The guy I'm using for sex..."

  • boinkity

    Or.. how about, "The person I hang out with when I want to be alone..."

  • boinkity

    Or.... maybe, "My friend, with the recent plumbing issues..."

  • boinkity

    How about, "The person who tells me to 'Zip it, Cunt!'..."

  • should have phrased it "my main squeeze"

  • Gotta imagine left over wings are still great...I never have any leftovers though, so I wouldn't know.

  • FreelanceErik

    Let me guess...you've seen The Holiday more than 3 times, too?  Say it ain't so, Alison :)

  • Only once!

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