Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend

The One? This isn't The Matrix. No one is coming to save you. But there are lots of good people out there and if you have your shit together you'll probably date one soon. If you've had a string of bad relationships, look in the nearest mirror to see the common denominator.

I knew my fiancé was the one when I found out we had the same favorite band. We hung out one weekend, drank a lot of alcohol, and jammed out to Bad Religion for the entire weekend and had a blast. That's when I knew lol.

I knew my wife was the one on our second date. I had absolutely no self awareness of what I was doing, where we were, or what I had done that day or even moments before we met up. That night I was completely fixated on her and her alone. I can still remember everything she said to me, and exactly what she wore that night. Looking back the next day I felt like such a pussy, that's when I knew.

Everyone is so cynical! It doesn't have to be that complicated. I knew that my boyfriend (now fiance) could be the one when he carried me up five flights of stairs when I was extremely sick, fresh out of the e.r. and too sick to walk uo myself. He just scooped me up without me saying anything. Then, I spent the next four years watch him continue to be kind and amazing. Now, we are getting married in nine months.
Its not that complicated. We have been together for seven years and I still get excited to see him every night.

I knew when she *told* me she was the one.

Serious answer: when I imagined the two of us sharing a park bench in our 70s and found myself looking forward to it.

I knew when she *told* me she was the one.

Serious answer: when I pictured myself sitting on a park bench with her in our 70s, and found myself looking forward to it.

Everyone seems so skeptical!

For our first date my wife and I went to a movie, which was nice but also pretty unimpressive. However, after the movie we walked the streets of Portland for the next four hours doing nothing but talking and making an occasional stop for something hot to drink to warm us up. Halfway through the walk I held her hand, at the end of the night I gave her a kiss, and we've been together ever since. It's been five years, but after one night together I knew she was the one for me.

awwww

Not to be snippy or get too "meta", but what motivates this question? It doesn't speak directly enough to an emotional truth. It smells of anxiety.

It's the sort of thing someone would ask about a health insurance plan, you know what I mean?

Well the question started as "How did you know you wanted to marry this person" but I didn't want to exclude people who aren't married. Maybe the question is really, "How did you know you wanted to be with this person?" I'm always fascinated by that and it's a question that women don't have trouble answering. Not to get all gender-y on you.

I agree. Women tend to be ready to answer when they fell in love with someone a lot more than men do. I also really believe that men fall in love more deeply than a lot of women do. I'm totally generalizing, but when a man falls in love with a woman, it's pretty intense. When a woman falls in love they sometimes develop intensity for that love as time goes by. A lot of women actually aren't in love with the men they are with. They are just hell bent on getting that guy to the alter and the ring on the finger. But they believe it's love. :)

In the interest of full disclosure, I am single (tragically single), so I have no real input on the question as asked.

Just so you know where I'm coming from, I'd read the question as you asking as if you were unsure about someone, or a potential someone- as if you're wondering what it is you should be looking for.

And please feel free to be as genderish as you wish, as long as you know you're being so. I didn't realize you were directing your question towards guys in particular. Though I suspect most of the time the guys who you want to ask will answer "I just knew," or something to that effect. Or, are you looking for the moments of epiphany?

I think it has to do with your own emotional health and what you're looking for as much as any quality in the spouse. Like, you can be deeply in love with/attached to/obsessed with someone for weirdo reasons of codependency or profound inability to be alone, etc. But even assuming a healthy relationship with two healthy partners, it's a fairly subjective thing, I think. Which is why you asked the question, I suppose, but...

Rambling analytical Internet posts such as these is probably why I'm single, but hopefully some of that made sense.

While I'm rambling, I'll leave you with something that I think is interesting (unlike everything I just typed). There's a radio show here in Northern California that I'm a big fan of, and of course the subject of relationships and dating comes up from time to time. One of the hosts pointed out how when you're into someone and they don't like you back, you get really bent out of shape about it, especially when you're younger. You start wondering what it is about you that they don't like, and wondering why they don't like you. But the thing is, we never consider for a second why we don't like someone. If there's someone who we're not really into, we never question it at all. And it's funny because we've probably all been both sides of that situation, so you think maybe we'd learn something, or something.

I don't know why, but when he mentioned that, it really stuck with me. It's about the assumed validity of our attractions to other people, you know?

Anyway, that concludes this long reply. Thanks for reading.

I'm taking the 5th on this one.

I'm taking the 5th on this one.

..............................

It's easier to answer the "how did you know she WASN'T the one". For me, it was when she told me she was taking a vacation with a bunch of friends, and that I wasn't invited because, "I want to have fun"

Be with the one who lets you be you, and helps your every day dreams come true. The with whom you would be wed, and doesn't fart a lot in bed.

OK, my opinion is totally screwy. I don't really think that there is just one person in the world that you are meant to spend the rest of your life. I think given circumstances, any idiot can fall in love with another idiot, even when they shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. I don't want to sound like a cynic about love, but I think those people that are able to remove themselves from the emotional feelings they have for a person, and can honestly assess the pros an cons of their relationship with another person have an advantage over others. That being said, marriage is a lot of work! Any person that is part of loving relationship that is too lazy or too impatient to work at making a marriage successful will most likely doom themselves.

Just wanted to add, I knew Alison wasn't the one when I realized that she could never love me as much as she loved her hair. It broke my heart, but I was able to overcome by also loving her hair.

I knew within 3 weeks of knowing her. She was attractive, brilliant, enjoyed my musical taste and shared a similar philosophical outlook. Even when we disagreed on issues we both found eachother very intriguing and tolerant. Even though I was commitment-phobic, several months later we were engaged and I moved in with her. That's when evil reared it's ugly head. Since then I am back to my commitment-free, casual sex seeking ways :).

I don't believe you can truly know someone was 'the one' until your last day on earth.
We can't look forward and say, "This will be great". We can only look back and say, "That was great."

I knew when I thought "maybe she's the one" and didn't react with fear or skepticism. It wasn't "she'd be perfect if..." It wasn't that everything was ideal - but everything was perfect anyway.

I don't think you ever know. I think the best you can do is think you know, but then you don't really ever know that you know. You know?

Love,
-Todd-